He's Just Not That Into You Page #8

Anna goes inside. Maya looks to Conor, takes a sip.

MAYA (CONT’D)

You’ll see - we look strikingly similar.

My lips may be a bit fuller, but...

She leans back, puts out her cigarette as Anna returns

with A PICTURE. She hands it to Conor.

INSERT:
MAYA, in her early twenties. Black and white -

somewhere in New York. The resemblance to Anna is scary.

CONOR:

Wow. That’s - unbelievable.

MAYA:

So that’s what we’re dealing with here,

for reference. Imagine meeting someone

who looks like that in a coffee shop.

Conor looks down at the picture, then back up to Anna.

CONOR:

That’s funny, because, I mean, I guess I

kinda did. Anna and I met at a

restaurant. That serves coffee. So, not

a coffee shop, but...still -

He looks from Maya to Anna. Maya stands up.

MAYA:

That’s sweet. But if we’re comparing

stories -

(indicating with her glass)

She’s no me - and you’re no Tim Buckley.

With that, Maya heads inside.

MAYA (CONT’D)

Anyone need a refill?

Anna looks to Conor apologetically. He just smiles.

EXT. ANNA'S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT

Anna and Conor walk to the front door of her apartment.

ANNA:

Thanks again for coming with me. You

make it so much easier.

CONOR:

Are you kidding? I like your mom. She's

cool.

ANNA:

Yeah, well - cool's not always what

you're looking for in a mom.

Conor smiles, understanding.

CONOR:

So, you want another -- foot rub?

He's trying. But it's awkward.

ANNA:

Ugh. I'm just beat. I wanna put on

sweats and get in bed.

CONOR:

I'd be into that.

Anna gives him a smile, opens her front door.

ANNA:

I'll call you tomorrow, OK?

She gives him a KISS, and goes inside.

FADE TO CHAPTER CARD:...IF HE/SHE'S NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU

TRENT, early 30s, talks to the camera as he drives his

Ford Explorer. He's cute - but trying a smidge too hard

- goatee, leather cord necklace he bought in Cancun, etc.

TRENT:

If a girl is into you, she's sleeping

with you. And if after a month - two

months at the very outside - she's not

sleeping with you, she does not like you.

I guess the trick is, how to spot this

girl early - so you don't waste the one

to seven weeks waiting to find out that

it's never gonna happen. So, I've got

some signs about how to spot this girl -

gleaned from my own experience, of

course. A girl will never sleep with you

if:
she calls you cuddly or dependable,

she pops a zit in front of you, her name

is Amber or Christine, she takes a dump

in your bathroom or she takes home

leftovers in dates 1-3. I know it's not

scientific - but I'm just saying - you

were warned.

INT. NATIONAL BREWERY LOFTS - NIGHT

Alex knocks and opens the door in one motion.

ALEX:

Hey dude - you here?

CONOR (O.S.)

Yep.

Alex heads to the fridge, opens it and looks in.

ALEX:

Wanna beer?

He pulls TWO BEERS out, shuts the fridge and turns to

find Conor standing there. He's wearing a REALLY TIGHT,

SHINY SHIRT and EVEN TIGHTER, VERY BLUE JEANS.

ALEX (CONT'D)

Or an apple martini?

CONOR:

Funny.

Conor grabs the beer and opens it.

ALEX:

Need I ask?

CONOR:

It's for work. I'm trying to expand my

client base.

ALEX:

By pretending you're gay?

CONOR:

No. By being more gay friendly.

ALEX:

Or, in real estate terms, by becoming

"gay adjacent".

CONOR:

Nice. I may have to use that.

Conor heads back toward his room.

CONOR (CONT'D)

I'm gonna try something else. This may be

too much.

ALEX:

I don't know. You dress like that - and

you're already seeing a girl who won't

sleep with you - I think maybe you can

pull it off.

CONOR (O.S.)

It’s not that she won’t sleep with me

douchebag...I have slept with her. It’s

just, you know, she...um...

ALEX:

Won’t sleep with you anymore.

Conor reappears, now wearing A FRENCH CONNECTION TYPE

TIGHT T-SHIRT AND BLACK JEANS.

CONOR:

Pretty much, yeah.

(re:
his new outfit)

So, what do you think?

Alex gives him the once over.

ALEX:

I think you're gonna have to beat 'em

away with a stick - you hot, sexy man.

Conor rolls his eyes and heads back into his room. Alex

laughs to himself and takes another sip of beer.

INT. FELL'S POINT CONDO - NIGHT

Leather couch, framed Orioles jersey - typical bachelor

pad. Gigi is making out with GREGORY, 30s.

GIGI:

Who would have thought that a random girl

from Pilates would fix me up with such a

good kisser?

GREGORY:

Back at you sister.

Gigi beams. They make out some more.

GIGI:

I can't wait to kiss you again.

GREGORY:

Umm. We're kissing right now.

GIGI:

I know. But next time. The second date

kiss is way more intimate.

As they start kissing again

GREGORY:

Well, I'm going out of town tomorrow - so

I'll be out of touch for a bit.

Gregory starts pulling off Gigi's top. Gigi pulls away

deftly.

GIGI:

Would you excuse me a quick second? Too

many diet cokes...

Gigi makes a beeline down the hall.

INT. FELLS POINT CONDO - BATHROOM - NIGHT

Gigi dials her CELL as she goes through Gregory's

bathroom cabinets.

INTERCUT WITH:
INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Alex is also mid-makeout on his leather couch with a HOT

WOMAN. The PHONE RINGS. Alex grabs it.

ALEX:

Yup.

GIGI:

Hey, sorry to bug you again. Quick

question.

ALEX:

(to his hot lady)

Would you excuse me a second, babe?

Alex walks into the hallway.

GIGI:

I'm making out with a guy - PG stuff -

and then he mentions he's going out of

town, so he's gonna be out of touch.

ALEX:

Run.

GIGI:

But maybe he is going out of town.

ALEX:

To where? The Arab Emirates? Where is

he going that he has to be out of touch?

Gigi opens the bathroom door and SHOUTS down the hall.

GIGI:

Where are you going out of town to again?

GREGORY (O.S.)

Pittsburgh.

GIGI:

Pittsburgh.

ALEX:

Run.

GIGI:

So, now what? I'm just supposed to run

from every guy who doesn't like me?

ALEX:

Uhh - yeah.

GIGI:

There's not going to be anyone left.

Alex LAUGHS.

ALEX:

OK, I don't know why I'm saying this -

but I actually think I know a nice guy

who you might like.

GIGI:

Yeah?

ALEX:

Yeah. He's a friend of my brother's.

Bill. We'll all meet for a drink - it'll

be good.

Gigi smiles.

GIGI:

So, I'm in his bathroom right now. What

do I now?

ALEX:

You gotta come out eventually. But I'd

really take my time. Let him sweat.

He hangs up. Gigi finds some Crest Whitestrips and -

with determination - decides to APPLY THEM.

INT. GYM - EVENING

Anna's rolling up mats, etc. as a sweaty Ben approaches.

BEN:

So, we ran into each other.

ANNA:

You came to my class.

BEN:

I didn't know it was your class.

ANNA:

You called and asked me.

BEN:

But you didn't call me back.

ANNA:

Because you said not to call back if it

was my class. Which it was.

Ben recommits.

BEN:

We ran into each other.

Anna LAUGHS.

ANNA:

Totally. A couple of innocent folks - by

happenstance - doing their daily workout

near one another.

BEN:

Exactly. Thank you.

As Anna picks up her bag and walks past him

ANNA:

Wanna swim?

Ben watches her go, not sure she's serious.

INT. GYM POOL - NIGHT

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