He's Just Not That Into You Page #9

Big indoor pool. Clearly closed, lights off. Anna opens

the door with a KEY, Ben follows.

BEN:

I was just thinking - why can't we be

friends? Am I not allowed to make

friends anymore? Am I not allowed to be

friends with hot people? What kind of

reverse prejudice is that?

ANNA:

I hear you. Am I supposed to not be

friends with a guy just because he's

married, and happens to have this insane

smile and this ass that makes me want to

dry hump?

BEN:

I think I just fell in love. A girl who

talks about a dry hump.

ANNA:

Classy, right?

BEN:

Classy is lame.

Anna sits at the edge of the pool.

ANNA:

So, friends, right?

BEN:

Totally.

And with that, Anna pulls off her top. And then her

sweats. And, totally naked, slides into the pool.

ANNA:

You wanna come in?

BEN:

I'm sorry. I don't trust myself.

ANNA:

OK. You can just watch.

He does.

BEN:

You may be the best friend I've ever had.

Anna LAUGHS, and then dunks her head under the water.

INT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Ben comes in the front door, drops his gym bag. Janine

sits on the couch flipping through a magazine. He leans

in to kiss her on the cheek. She does not look happy.

JANINE:

Honey - you smell different.

Ben pulls back smoothly.

BEN:

Different how?

JANINE:

I don't know.

BEN:

Well that's an odd thing to say.

She looks at him. He tries to coolly meet her gaze.

JANINE:

Maybe it's the ashtray and cigarettes I

found. In the side yard. What part of

"my dad died of lung cancer" is hard for

you to wrap your brain around?

BEN:

What?

JANINE:

Do not lie to me, Ben. Please.

BEN:

Are you serious? We have like eight

thousand undocumented workers in this

house daily. You find cigarettes, and

you automatically assume they're mine?

JANINE:

Well, yes.

BEN:

Honey, I'm not lying. And you are really

freaking out. I think the renovation is

getting to you because nothing is going

on. Just please - relax.

Ben walks away. Off Janine, wanting to believe him.

EXT. BALTIMORE YACHT CLUB - DOCK - DAY

Ben walks to a boat at the end of the dock. He stands,

unsure, before deciding to KNOCK on the side of the boat.

NEIL emerges - unshaven, possibly unshowered.

NEIL:

Ah. My first visitor.

BEN:

This boat is sick. How come you never

invited me out before?

NEIL:

Well, this was supposed to be just for

Beth and I - for our retirement. Leave

our jobs. Sell the house. Take off.

Neil is clearly having a tough time. Ben doesn't know

what to say. They're silent for a second.

NEIL (CONT'D)

Sorry. Where are my manners? Permission

to board granted. I'll show you around.

Ben smiles, steps on to the boat.

EXT. INNER HARBOR - DAY

CLOSE ON:
A cigarette being lit. WIDEN to reveal Neil

smoking on the upper deck of his boat, steering it out

into the bay. Ben stands across from him, looking on.

NEIL:

(re:
cigarette)

Sorry.

BEN:

It's OK.

Neil switches to his left hand, away from Ben.

NEIL:

So Janine sent you to check on me?

BEN:

Yeah. Pretty much.

NEIL:

Any message from Beth?

Ben shakes his head no. Neil seems disappointed.

BEN:

I think she's been busy getting ready for

her sister's funeral though, so...

NEIL:

Her sister's what?

BEN:

Wedding. Her sister's wedding. What did

I say?

Neil is now LAUGHING HARD.

NEIL:

You said funeral.

BEN:

No, I didn't. Sh*t, did I?

Neil LAUGHS HARDER. Even Ben sees the humor.

NEIL:

The marriage thing is weird, man. I

never thought Beth would give me an

ultimatum.

BEN:

Really? Why not? That's what women do.

NEIL:

Right. I forgot. That's how Janine got

you to bite the bullet.

BEN:

Yup.

Neil looks at Ben, curious.

NEIL:

Do you regret it?

BEN:

No.

NEIL:

So you're happy? You'd say you're

happily married?

Ben looks at Neil as if he's crazy.

BEN:

I love Janine.

Neil takes a drag and looks out over the harbor.

INT. BO BROOKS CRAB HOUSE - NIGHT

We PAN down one of the long tables to find Beth, SMACKING

a crab with a mallet. HARD. AND LOUD. The others at

the table turn to look at her, annoyed. And that's when

we see - there seems to be a party and SPEECH underway.

COUSIN:

Now, I know when my cousin Paige says

those vows tomorrow, there are going to

be hearts breaking all over the world.

Beth's sister, Paige, smiles.

COUSIN (CONT'D)

So, keep in mind, her sister Beth is

still on the market.

The cousin WINKS at Beth. Beth goes white.

COUSIN (CONT'D)

Sure, she's an older model, but she's

still got a lot of miles left in her.

But don't stay on the lot too long,

Bethie, or next year's models will -

KEN MURPHY, 60s, nearly tramples guests to grab the mic.

KEN:

OK - that's enough of the speeches. Time

to eat. So enjoy the crab. And the

yellow stuff is not hot mustard, it's the

crab's hepatopancreas.

Mixed reaction from the crowd as Ken puts the mic down.

He starts to return to his table - when he sees Beth

trying to make a sneaky exit. He catches up to her.

KEN (CONT'D)

Bethie, your cousin Jay has always been a

jackass.

BETH:

I know. And even he's married.

KEN:

So, you'll get married a little bit later

than some people. Big deal. You never

did anything the way every one else did

it, and that's what I've always thought

was so great about you.

BETH:

I'm your oldest daughter, and I'm the

only one not married. If this was

Fiddler on the Roof you'd have to

sacrifice me or something.

Ken laughs and puts his arm around Beth.

KEN:

Honey, look. When everyone else was just

going to camp at the Y, you borrowed my

New York Times, found some arts camp in

the Berkshires, wrote away for

information, then got accepted on your

own. You were nine. You never did

things the way everyone else did.

BETH:

Why not?

KEN:

Because that's you. That's why you're my

favorite daughter.

Beth's eyes go WIDE.

BETH:

I don't think you're supposed to say

that.

KEN:

Well, I don't give a sh*t. I'm retired,

and I'll say what I want. I'll say it

into the mic if you want -

BETH:

That's OK.

KEN:

It's true, though.

BETH:

I know.

They HUG.

INT. FRAZIER'S ON THE AVENUE - NIGHT

Gigi sits sipping a drink, alone, when Alex comes in the

door and goes directly to her table.

ALEX:

Sorry I'm late.

GIGI:

That's OK. I like a little time before a

blind date - prepare myself mentally,

remind myself not to tell the story about

my molars -

ALEX:

He's not coming.

Alex motions to the WAITRESS to bring them another round.

ALEX (CONT'D)

Can't wait to hear that story about the

molars, though.

GIGI:

How can he already not like me?

ALEX:

I screwed up. I told Bill it was

Thursday, but I meant Tuesday.

Gigi is disappointed. The waitress drops off their

drinks. They toast - then observe the SCENE AT THE BAR.

GIGI:

Awesome. I'm stuck here with a guy who

can't distinguish Tuesday from Thursday -

and meanwhile this girl

(motions to GIRL at the bar)

- she's probably meeting her soul mate

as we speak.

The GIRL is standing between TWO GUYS.

ALEX:

Nope.

GIGI:

How do you know?

ALEX:

See the guy trying to work the Tom Cruise

thing. She's interested. He's not.

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