He's Way More Famous Than You

Halley, Halley!

Halley!

- Over here!

Halley!

- Over here, honey!

Turn around, turn around!

Turn around, and look over

your shoulder. That's it.

Turn around and look over your shoulder.

It's Jesse.

Hi Jesse.

This is fun, do you think this is fun?

No, this is literally

my worst nightmare.

I mean, I hate having my photo taken.

- Me too, actually.

My grandma bought me this dress and I thought I

really liked it, and now I feel so self conscience.

No, you look beautiful.

- Really?

Yeah.

- That's so sweet.

Come on, Jesse.

These people are making

me so uncomfortable.

I know. - I feel I'm gonna be

attacked by them... - I know.

It makes me not actually want to be an

actress if this is what it is. - Really?

Kind of. - I have the same feeling, I'm

actually thinking of becoming a history teacher.

Just Jesse, please.

Oh yeah... I'll see you later.

Okay, yeah. See you inside.

Seriously, you look good.

- Thank you, you too.

Hey, Michael Ausiello, from TVline.com.

Congratulations on the movie.

How are you holding up?

My palms are really sweaty...

I think I forgot to

put deodorant on, so...

Anyway...

It gets easier, champagne?

I'm not really much of a drinker.

I'm sorry, Halley...

You're needed over here.

Just one second...

- You go.

You're famous now.

You know what, can you

just give me one second?

I'm sorry.

Hey Michael...

You want to try it in my butt again?

Halley...

No, I don't.

We only have a couple of weeks

left to get this draft done...

If we want to submit it to

the Sand Dune screener's lab.

Yup, good point.

Good point.

Yup, that's fun.

You want to drunk dial Ryan?

Halley, we're not calling your brother.

Stop watching Dancing with the Stars...

And help me write our screenplay.

And put that camera away.

But...

Baby, I won't remember this

conversation tomorrow...

Unless I videotaped it.

Maybe you shouldn't drink so much.

Good one.

Did you just open that one-handed?

I'm not talented.

Yes!

Did you see that foxtrot?

Yup.

Ralph Macchio is stray foxy...

I've loved him ever since he played...

The sexually confused best friend

of Eric Stoltz in Naked in New York.

really?

I've only seen him in Karate Kid.

You're so plabian.

Hey, Macchio should be in my movie.

You mean our movie?

Yeah, right right...

What part would he play?

Your part?

Halley!

- Just kidding.

That's it.

Are you fully erect?

Yeah.

Your penis feels really small.

Halley...

- Okay.

Never mind, whatever you say.

Are you...

Are you not attracted to me anymore?

Halley...

Yeah, now you're penis is

getting smaller by the seconds.

I bet Ralph Macchio wouldn't have

any trouble getting it up with me.

Oh my God, okay that's it.

What do you mean that's it?

Up...

- What?

What... What are you doing?

Michael?

- What?

Michael, what are you doing?

I'm leaving.

I'm confused, what is that mean?

Okay, you know what?

Yeah, I know that you're in

the new Man in Black movie...

But I think someone in this room

is being a little overly dramatic.

You've been treating me like sh*t

for a really long time, Halley...

I love you...

But I can't let myself

be treated like that.

Sorry.

You're just not the person I fell in

love with on the set of The Messenger.

What?

What are you doing?

I look really beautiful when I cry.

You're gonna put some

clothes on, at least?

It's just a medium shot.

You can't see my cooter.

Halley, you're so self-involved...

All you do is videotaped yourself...

Think about yourself,

talk about yourself...

Write about yourself...

- Google myself...

Google yourself, drink

alcohol by yourself...

But it's delicious.

You have a drinking problem.

And you have a thinking problem.

You have a rhyming problem.

- You're not funny.

You just don't think I'm funny because

you don't have a very good sense of humor.

That's why "The Messenger" wasn't funny at all.

- Okay...

Yeah, you think that I don't

have a sense of humor...

Because I didn't find this card funny.

How is that funny?

Picture of you in bed

with some other guy...

I don't even know who that is.

And you photoshopped

my brother's head...

On to his body.

Looks like he's entering you, Halley.

- Michael...

Do you even take the time

to read what I wrote inside?

Look...

I love you so much. I would

NEVER sleep with your brother.

So there you go.

- It's beautiful, you should write greeting cards for a living.

Michael! You know what?

It's funny.

- No, it's not.

Yes it is!

Is this just because what

i've said about Ralph Macchio?

He's like number 23 on

the IFDB Pro Startracker.

Halley, you know I don't

care about that stuff.

That's why you're number 20.526.

- Really?

You want to play that game?

- Sure.

Let's play that game.

- Great.

Let's see here...

Halley Feiffer... Oh look...

You're number 10.101.

- Exactly!

Exactly! That's why we need the

Karate Kid to bring up the curve.

What?

Where...

You think you're so great?

Why don't you do something

about your own career?

He's way more famous than you!

That's not my fault!

It's okay...

12.957?

I dropped that fast?

It's okay, who's counting?

I am.

Hi, you've reached Ryan Feiffer.

Leave a message.

Hey Ryan, it's me.

My Startracker dropped again.

Yours is still on the 6 digits.

Call me back, bye...

2.590?

You gummer...

Gina Hearsh's office, WMF.

Gina, hi... It's Halley.

Your favorite client.

Listen, I need to have a

meeting with you, tomorrow AM..

ASAP.

Un diamo, pronto, right away.

We need to talk about my shitty

career, and how it's all your fault.

Okay, love you. Bye.

2?!

Good for you, Jesse.

Hey this is Jesse, leave a message and i'll

get back to you as soon as possible, thanks.

Hey, Jesse. It's Halley!

I bet you're super crazy

now post "Social Network".

I am coming out of a very dark time...

Peppered with suicidal fantasies, but...

I'm about to make some

really important and...

Constructive changes that...

I would love to just...

Bulletpoint with you,

whenever you get a sec.

Alright.

TTYL, boy.

Hey Michael?

You want to try it in my butt again?

Halley, no.

I don't.

Hey Michael...

You want to try it in my butt again?

Halley...

No, I don't.

We only have a couple of weeks left...

To get this draft done, if we want to

submit it to the Sand Dune screener's laps.

Yup... yup... Good point.

Good point.

You want to drunk dial Ryan?

Halley, we're not calling

your brother right now.

We're just so excited that you

decided to sign with us, Miss Mamie.

I know we are going to do

some amazing things together.

I feel so blessed.

Really I do.

- Oh girl...

We're the blessed one, you could've signed with

anyone, you puffed-faced little munchkin, you...

Oh my God! Gina!

Hey, did you get my message?

Hi Halley...

Yes, if you can just give me a minute.

Yeah...

Hey Mamie...

Hey!

Thank you.

Gina... - I hug,

we hug. - Okay.

Do you need any help getting

to all your meetings this week?

Jessica can book you a car service.

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