He's Way More Famous Than You Page #2

- No, that's fine.

Thank you. - Are

you sure? - Yeah.

Okay, if you need anything...

You let me know.

Okay.

- I'm always here...

I have no social life.

Okay.

Thank you, bye Jessica. Bye Gina.

Oh wait, I hug, we hug...

We're hugging.

- Okay.

I dropped something.

- Oh, I got it.

Oh my God.

My brother dates him.

With that gay guy from Ugly Betty.

- Really?

Michael's a client. He's so sweet.

Yeah, I know. He's gonna be

the maid of honor at my wedding.

Not your brother?

Do you want to keep it?

What, no...

- Yeah.

Keep it.

- Really?

Totally.

Thank you.

- Okay.

Bye!

- Bye!

She's so sweet.

You look beautiful.

Love you, Gummer.

Okay... Let's do this.

Trifolds, really.

Okay.

So you just signed Mamie Gummer?

She's Merryl Streeps' daughter.

People said that I'm

the poor man's herb.

Can you give me her e-mail?

Halley, nothing I said

on the phone has changed.

A... Can I have a

piece of your baugette?

B... I have a really exciting movie

idea that I need your help with...

And C..

Sprinkling a canvass...

I have eaten hundreds of dried fruits...

And sitting on the

toilet with a diarrhea...

Oozing out of me, slowly...

Like a Mr. Softy...

The diarrhea...

Symbolic of my career...

Dried fruits, you guess it. That's you.

I was in the biggest

indie of the last century.

I was in the Squid and the Whale.

Ring a ding ding dong...

I know you love ding dongs.

Listen to me.

Can you listen?

I took a 6 week course on

listening with Austin Penddleton.

The Squid and the Whale

had a limited released, 6..

Or 7 years ago.

And you played the supporting role.

Aloha?

I was the only sympathy

garnering character...

In a movie populated exclusively

by narcissistic literaty...

A little Miss "I'm

smarter than my client".

I'm sorry, I don't need to make

fun of they way you think and speak.

To want to say the obvious that you

can barely fit into that chair...

Sorry, I hadn't had a

drink yet this morning.

No one will hire you

because you drink too much.

You're starting to get a reputation.

I am so sorry, have you

forgotten who my father is?

World famous Pullitzer

prized winning saturist...

Jules Feiffer.

Most people don't even

know he's still alive.

I can get you...

In touch with people in our HR..

And they can help you.

Find a rehab.

That takes your insurance.

Rehab?

Oh, you mean like a publicity stunt?

I like it, I like it.

- Halley, no!

Not a publicity stunt.

You are a great actress.

And I have much faith in your talent.

But you have become rude.

And unrully...

And impossible to work with.

You need to make a significant

change in your life...

And if you don't, I could

no longer work with you.

Shh shh... Are you done?

Okay great.

I'm gonna come in next week...

And we can finish this

little intervention later...

Halley...

- Once I have a tasty drink under my belt.

I'm letting you go.

Fine.

Fine.

You want to know why that's fine?

I'm gonna take this piss

poor attitude of yours...

And spin a web of gold with it.

I'm writing my own movie.

Infact it's basically already written.

That's right, I'm starring in it...

And it's gonna get into the

Sand Dune screenwriter's lab.

Oscar gold, here comes mama...

And guess who's not getting 10%..

Fatty McGee, and that's you.

I should never...

Let you into my life

in the first place...

You don't know how talented I am.

I'm gonna be the biggest movie

star that you've ever heard of!

Ryan, Ryan...

Hey Ryan...

I have to talk to you

like right now, Ryan...

Oh my God, Ryan... Are you there...

- Jeez.

Halley, what?

- Oh my God, I have something really important to tell you.

What's the matter?

- Oh my God.

If you don't like to stick your

penis in other boy's mouth...

I would totally smonk your dong.

That's disturbing.

- Why?

Because you're my sister.

I have something vitally

crucial to tell you.

But before I do, do

you have any alcohol?

Sure, I think we have something, but...

Jeez Halley, it's like...

Not even noon.

So what is it? What's going on?

Oh my gosh...

It's not dad, is it?

No, no... I know he's

like 10o, but it's not.

Then, what is it?

I feel like nervous.

I kinda feel like

sad, all of the sudden.

I know, me too.

Me too.

Okay.

Are you ready?

- Yeah.

DOn't make that face.

- Alright.

Throwing caution to the wind...

You're so pretty.

Okay.

This is hard.

- Okay, what is it?

Alright, I'm just gonna go for it.

Do it.

Will your boyfriend...

3 times Teen Choice award

nominee, Michael Urie...

The gay guy from Ugly betty...

Play...

My boyfriend...

In my movie?

Look.

Open it, open it.

Can you believe it? Open it again.

What?

Isn't that awesome? Where are you going?

Ryan!

What are you...

Did you see? Ryan?

I just went through my flipcam...

And transcribed

everything that happened...

Between me and Michael Chernus.

It's gonna be next

year's Blue Valentine.

Yeah!

What are you... Ryan?

It took me all night and

2 pitchers of Sangria...

To essemble that genius packaging.

That is what you wanted to talk to me about?

- Yeah.

You made it sound so urgent!

I thought somebody had died.

- Somebody did, my career!

Uh uh...

- Ryan, why are you minimalizing this?

I am the most pathetic out of work

actor on the street of New York...

Maybe even the planet.

That whore back Mamie Gummer

pretends that I'm a stranger...

Even though I pole danced for Matthew

Broderick at her birthday party.

That was Haley Joel Osment.

Stop correcting me, Ryan!

You didn't even go to college.

I have been in Julliard

for the past 7 years.

Are you getting your Master in air?

That is not nice.

You know what? Why are you doing this?

You always make

everything about you, Ryan.

Halley, look... You have worked with...

The most incredible people, and

you've never even had formal training.

I've never even had an agent...

Neither do I anymore!

I always liked it that your

career was worse than mine...

Now I think we're on the same level

and that makes me want to kill myself.

Ryan, this is rude! I'm

not drunk enough yet.

Look, Halley... Why do you want Michael?

Why can't you just put me in your movie?

How is that funny?

- Ryan...

You can't play my

boyfriend, you're my brother.

Halley...

- What?

It's 2011!

Nobody cares if ice

skaters are siblings...

We'll just get a body

double for the sex scenes...

And if we need to kiss,

we'll cut away or something.

Okay, do you really need me to spot all for you?

- I guess I do.

This is very very sad.

That was my blanket.

Can you read? - Yup,

i can read. - Great.

Great.

I need somebody famous!

Okay.

This script is honestly more about

Vanessa Williams than anything else.

Vanessa Williams?

You never once mentioned she's in the script.

- Well she is now.

Hey, what is America

Ferrera doing post Betty?

Maybe she could direct it.

There is no way America is available.

She's way too famous.

But actually...

Michael is looking to

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