Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse Page #10

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It was scary, but also

kind of exhilarating or thrilling

that he would take such risks

with himself

in his experience to go that far.

And I think this film

was all about risking,

risking your money,

risking your sanity,

risking how far you could

press your family members...

I mean, everything that he did,

he went to the extremes

to test those fringe regions

and then come back.

Nothing is so terrible

as a pretentious movie.

I mean, a movie that aspires

for something really terrific

and doesn't pull it off is sh*t, it's scum,

and everyone will walk on it as such.

And that's what poor filmmakers,

in a way, that's their greatest horror,

is to be pretentious.

So here you are, on one hand,

trying to aspire to really do something,

on the other hand,

you're not allowed to be pretentious.

And finally you say, "F*** it! I don't care

if I'm pretentious or not pretentious,

"or if I've done it or I haven't done it."

All I know is that

I am going to see this movie,

and that, for me,

it has to have some answers.

And by "answers, "

I don't mean just a punch line.

Answers on about 47 different levels.

It's very hard to talk about

these things without being very corny.

You use a word like

self-purgation or epiphany,

they think

you're either a religious weirdo

or, you know,

an a**hole college professor.

But those are the words for the process,

this transmutation,

this renaissance, this rebirth,

which is the basis of all life.

The one rule that all man,

from the time

they first were walking around,

looking up at the sun,

scratching around for food

and an animal to kill,

the first concept that,

I feel, got into their head

was the idea of life and death.

That the sun went down

and the sun went up.

That the crop, when they learned

how to make a crop, it died.

In the winter, everything died.

The first man, he must have thought,

"Oh, my God, it's the end of the world! "

And then all of a sudden,

there was spring,

and everything came alive,

and it was better!

I mean, after all, look at Vietnam.

Look at my movie.

You'll see what I'm talking.

The horror.

The river, sleepless,

crowded with memories

of men and ships,

hunters for gold and pursuers of fame.

What greatness has not flowed

on the ebb of that river

into the mystery of an unknown earth?

The dreams of men,

the seed of commonwealths,

the germs of empires.

The river is black tonight, my friends.

Look, it seems to lead into the heart

of an immense darkness.

To me, the great hope

is that now these little eight-millimeter

video recorders

and stuff are coming out,

some people who normally

wouldn't make movies

are gonna be making them.

And, you know, suddenly, one day,

some little fat girl in Ohio

is gonna be the new Mozart

and make a beautiful film

with her little father's camcorder.

And, for once, the so-called

professionalism about movies

will be destroyed forever, you know,

and it will really become an art form.

That's my opinion.

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