Hell's Kitty

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(ominous piano music)

(choir meowing)

I know what this looks like.

But it's not my fault.

It's my cat, Angel.

(choir meowing)

You look nervous.

If you'd been through what

I've been through,

you'd be nervous too.

(screaming)

(purring)

I don't even know

where to begin.

When I first got to LA,

it was great.

It was magical.

(thunder booms)

I figured it would

inspire me to write again.

I was looking for my muse.

(vomiting)

(moaning)

Just go with it.

And did you find her?

Hi.

(giggles)

Come on in.

So this is your place?

Yeah.

Things got really bad.

That night with Lisa.

I love Stephen King.

I like him too.

(purring)

Oh here's my cat Cujo,

I mean Angel.

(laughs)

Holy Miss Beautiful.

It got to the point where I

couldn't really date

another woman.

My cat, she would get

too jealous.

You underrated her

gorgeousness.

I can't wait to pet her.

Oh maybe you shouldn't.

Some people think she's...

Dangerous.

(meowing)

(laughs)

You!

(laughs and snorts)

Dangerously adorable you mean.

Oh God, she scratched me!

[Nick] It's not that bad.

(knocking)

Coming.

(dramatic sting)

What, did I scare you?

Adam!

What the hell are you

doing dressed like that?

It's called body armor and I'd

be up

here in one of those shark cages

if I

could figure out how to

get it up the stairs.

Huh.

Here's your mail.

I can't believe Lisa made such

a big deal over

a little scratch.

A little scratch?

I just saw her running

out of here.

Looks like she sliced an artery.

I wonder if she'll

ever talk to me again.

Not if she's like every

other girl you brought up here.

I'm telling you man, you

need to exorcize that cat.

Don't you think you're

being a little extreme?

Is that...

Is that blood?

There is nothing worse

than a bloody p*ssy.

Didn't you think you had a

real problem on your hands?

Not at that point.

I had no idea what was to come.

(girl screaming)

(meowing death metal music)

Things kept getting stranger

after that.

(loud boom)

(phone rings)

Hello?

Is that you blasting music?

Adam.

I don't know, there was

music, a bright light.

And I grew a beard.

You on drugs?

I think someone may have

broken into my apartment.

Why would anyone wanna

break into your apartment?

I think someone might

be in my kitchen.

Yeah, well I told you

not to keep

all that food

in the refrigerator.

I gotta go.

(ominous piano music)

(floor creaking)

Angel, you're not supposed

to be eating late at night.

(dramatic sting)

(phone rings)

Hello?

I couldn't sleep.

Lisa.

I had a dream about you.

That's strange.

You were about to give

me a very, very large...

Go on, I think I like

this dream.

Check.

(record scratch)

Because I sued your ass

for the pain and suffering

I had to endure from your pesky

demon cat!

Still like the dream?

I'll see you in court.

Aww, you still hungry baby?

(woman screams)

(ominous music)

(loud banging)

(woman screaming)

(loud banging)

(woman screaming)

(dramatic sting)

I wouldn't do that

if I were you.

What do you mean?

There's blood seeping

from underneath the door.

Do you think we should

call the cops?

Don't believe everything you

see, buddy.

(coughs)

This is real blood.

I was kidding.

Hey look, it was maple

syrup, food coloring.

What am I, neighbors with

Aunt Jemima?

What do you want, it's

the week before Halloween.

What about the screams?

I heard somebody scream.

It's probably her,

the new girl.

She works in special effects,

when she's

working on something, she

messes up, she screams.

She sounds nuts.

She's one of those

dramatic artists.

You know, you're a writer,

you're all a little moody.

You know, I hope she

doesn't make this a habit.

Give her a break,

she just moved in

and she's probably not that

happy about

you blasting that music,

what was that about?

I don't know.

When I came out there

was no one there.

I just got a call from Lisa.

She's threatening to sue me

over that scratch

Angel gave her.

Frustrated actress.

I'm gonna need a lawyer.

Here, take this.

[Nick] What's this?

It's the number to a

real professional.

Okay?

Friend of the family.

I've used her on more

than one occasion.

And you keep her number

scribbled on

a piece of paper

in your pajamas?

You never know when you'll

need it.

Listen, my dad's a lawyer,

he goes to her, she's good.

[Nick] Miss Rommel,

my name is Nick.

I know who you are.

I hear you're having a little

problem with your pussycat.

How did you know?

Adam told me.

I've worked with Adam before.

See you in one hour, be ready.

Come right in.

Ooooh.

I see you like swords.

They're not really

sharp, they're for show.

Where's your bathroom?

Down the hallway,

to the right.

Sit!

You're making me nervous.

(purring)

(dramatic drumming)

I was about to get screwed.

(muffled screaming)

Awww, relax.

(western music meowing)

(loud banging)

(meowing)

(muffled screaming)

Hey buddy, I've never seen

you so tongue tied before.

(muffled yelling)

What the hell happened?

What are you talking about?

I heard screaming.

When I realized it wasn't the

neighbor I headed over here.

Where's Miss Rommel?

Miss Rommel?

How do I know?

(ominous atmosphere music)

(jazzy meowing music)

Would you put that thing away?

What are you doing with a

camera anyway?

I just bought it and

I was testing it out.

I heard all the noise

coming from your apartment

when I came over here to

see what was happening.

You told me Miss Rommel

was a lawyer.

No, I said she

was a professional.

Where is she anyway?

I don't know.

It's you, man, you're

screwing with me aren't you?

Me?

Why would I do that?

I'm telling you, it's probably

that cat.

Seems to be the only

logical explanation.

Logical explanation?

That my car is possessed

by a demon

and attacked a lawyer

who really isn't

a lawyer, but a

dominatrix mistress?

You should be glad

she's not a lawyer.

Assuming it was your cat who

attacked her.

I'm gonna get sued from

another chick!

You've been a big help.

Thanks.

(dramatic sting)

I don't think she's

gonna say anything.

What makes you so sure?

Because it looks to me

like the cat got her tongue.

(thunder booms)

(meowing)

After that I was haunted

with guilt, or something.

(ominous atmosphere music)

(menacing laughter)

(dramatic sting)

(screaming)

(dramatic sting)

(suspenseful orchestra music)

Please.

Please no.

Don't be a p*ssy!

(sobbing)

(bones cracking)

(groaning)

(heart beating)

(laughs)

Eat your heart out.

She's a heart taker

She's coming for you

She is a heart taker

She's coming for you

(rock music)

(alarm ringing)

(heart beating)

What, did I scare you?

I just brought you some milk.

The healthy crap, kind you like?

Little vitamin D?

Have you heard from Miss

Rommel yet?

No, but I'm thinking

no news is good news.

Jeez man, why do you

still have this?

What am I supposed

to do with it?

Throw it away.

What if someone finds it?

So you're gonna keep

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