Hell's Kitty Page #4

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It was hard to see a

future with her after that.

Well I guess it was pretty

hard for

her to see anything after that

because...

The eye.

So that's when you realized it

wasn't just Adam,

your cat really

was possessed,

only you still didn't

know who was possessing

your cat right?

I was just looking

for a miracle.

You have quite a

collection of books.

Yeah.

I guess I'm a bit

of a bibliophile.

What's a bibliophile?

(laughs)

It's Latin!

Biblio meaning books,

phile meaning lover of.

It means lover of books.

[Blatty] I see you have a pet.

Yeah.

Her name's...

Angel.

(dramatic sting)

(hissing)

I love pets.

Guess that makes me a

pet-o-phile.

Well Father...

That's what I wanted to talk to

you about.

I believe my p*ssy's possessed.

Have you ever performed

an exorcism on a cat?

(dramatic sting)

(purring)

We cast you from our

midst, oh unclean spirit.

All satanic powers.

All infernal invaders.

You think it will still work

if I don't believe in God?

You don't believe in God?

Why do you believe in the devil

if you don't believe in God?

I don't believe

in the devil either.

(purring)

(hissing)

Ow!

So...

You wanna play rough, huh?

(growling)

(ominous humming)

Did you see that?

Cat hates holy water.

She's a cat.

Hush.

Leave us.

(Angel growling)

Please.

Try not to hurt her.

Be prepared.

This is gonna get ugly.

Here kitty.

Here kitty kitty

kitty kitty kitty.

(growling)

(gasping)

[Blatty] Brother Damien,

what is it?

Has the demon overtaken

your voice?

(coughs)

Furball from Hell!

(coughs)

Furball from Hell.

(demonic hissing)

(growling)

(ominous humming)

Holy crap.

(suspenseful orchestra music)

Ow!

Open up!

Open the door!

(screaming)

Come on, open up!

(heart beating)

(muttering gibberish)

We better go check on him.

But when you went back

into the room

there was no sign of any of it.

No flying poop on the wall,

no burning

bedsheets, no furball from Hell,

nothing.

I was losing hope.

(knocking)

(disembodied gibberish)

Is your life empty

and full of pain?

Actually yes.

Good.

I am here to help you

find everlasting

salvation from

eternal damnation.

Right now I have

bigger problems.

Let us talk to you about

the only book worth reading.

I'm sorry guys,

you're wasting your...

I know karate.

You don't wanna touch that.

Rubbish.

Do you believe in the devil?

Why do you ask?

My cat.

I think she's possessed.

(laughter)

Aren't all cats possessed?

Silence!

This is no ordinary cat.

She attacked my ex-girlfriend,

turned her into a

flesh decaying zombie.

So I hired a cat therapist,

but she attacked her too.

Ripped her eye out.

So I tried to get her exorcized.

Your therapist?

No, my cat.

But she attacked two priests.

One evaporated into thin air.

The other ran away with a

nasty gash on his chest.

I don't even wanna tell you

what it said.

P*ssy.

P*ssy.

I don't know what

I'm gonna do.

I just know the longer you two

stay here,

the more likely she's

going to get pretty mad.

(upbeat acoustic guitar music)

I hate cats, I hate cats

I really really

really hate cats

I hate cats, that's a

natural fact

I like to grab them

by the tail

Swing them like a bat,

I hate...

Silence, profaner of the

blues.

Why you always pull the

superiority card on me?

Do not question me!

You think your cat's bad?

Try hanging around

with this guy.

He's a little tyrant!

Does this feline of yours

have a name?

Angel.

(laughter)

Where is this Angel?

Down the hallway.

In the bedroom.

Wait.

I warn you.

If you go to her, she'll

be most displeased.

Go!

Why do I always

have to be the one?

Do not disobey me!

Fear not.

He who is with me,

and I am with you.

It's just a cat.

(ominous atmosphere music)

(various animal noises)

(bird caws)

(ominous holy chanting)

(purring)

(growling)

(hissing)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(snoring)

Don't you believe in knocking?

I was worried about you.

What, this stuff will kill you.

I'll live.

Unfortunately.

Where's Angel?

Sleeping.

All right,

watching this movie.

In the movie, this woman hires a

psychic medium to

perform a seance,

trapping the evil spirit

in a goat.

Then she kills the goat thereby

ridding herself

of the evil spirit.

Adam, it was a movie.

[Adam] So?

Doesn't mean it's not true.

What makes you think

this medium is

gonna succeed where

two priests failed?

I don't know, maybe the spirit

you're dealing with

isn't Catholic.

(dramatic ethereal music)

Find peace knowing

there is no end.

Let The Medium help you.

Call 555-2368.

Sorry, I didn't get your name.

You may call me The Medium.

It's just such a strange

profession, you know?

So where is this cat of yours?

(phone vibrates)

You know better than to call

me when I'm with a client.

Well tell the meter maid

I'll be out in a minute!

I gotta go.

So here she is.

Here's Angel.

I see.

Wait, where are you going?

You can't afford me.

How do you know?

We haven't even discussed price.

I'm a medium.

I sense these things.

(meowing)

You see, this is no

ordinary spirit.

She has great power.

How much?

10,000.

I can't afford that.

I know.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(meowing)

Angel, I was just

considering my options.

[Publisher] What stopped you?

My cat.

I couldn't leave her like that.

Even after everything

she put you through?

I got the money!

What are you doing?

I was checking to see

why it wasn't working.

Where'd you get all that dough?

I emptied out my bank account.

Seriously?

I don't know what to say.

I'll pay you back.

I know you will, buddy.

But for the time being

I'll settle for a kiss.

On the cheek.

I didn't feel anything at all.

You know,

maybe I'm not even gay.

Good.

Yeah, let's try it again,

just to be on the safe side.

Mmm-mmm.

No?

Can't say I didn't try.

Well hopefully this medium

knows what the hell she's doing.

I know.

She's my only hope.

You're a disgrace to your

gypsy family.

Taking money from people?

You don't even believe in

spirits or the afterlife.

He paid,

I bring people closure.

What does it matter

what I believe?

Just as long as they do.

Justifying, justifying,

always justifying.

You mess with things you don't

understand, you get hurt.

Who will protect you then, huh?

That's what I've got you

here for, little sister.

(dramatic orchestral music)

What we are about to do

here is very dangerous.

I have placed on the table

objects to attract the spirit.

Objects of the spirit's

own choosing.

This spirit has sacrificed

everything for passion.

How do you know that?

Oh my sister is a very

powerful medium too.

We come from a family of

very powerful mediums.

I read her diary.

Yeah, let me get a

read on this.

So can we get started here?

Because time is money.

What's with the goat?

Oh.

(baaing)

It's a ram.

We are going to try to

transfer the

spirit from your cat

into this goat.

You're fools.

You have no idea what you're

dealing with.

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