Henry's Crime Page #4

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- Can we start?

- I'm here!

Good. You're coming in stage right.

I can see it all, Henry.

The bank,

the vault, the theatre, the tunnel.

See,

we got all the pieces of the puzzle

sitting right there on the table.

Now all we gotta do

is put 'em in the right order.

The only thing is the dirt.

Where does the dirt

from the tunnel go?

What about the vault?

- I'm thinking dirt right now, Henry.

- OK.

(EXHALES)

How do I look?

- Huh?

- How do I look?

You look like Henry.

You gonna be all right?

Yeah, we had a great day, kid.

Have yourself a nice dinner.

Julie.

Sorry I'm late.

That guy's a total dick.

Hi, Henry.

Hi. So how was the rehearsal?

I feel like duck.

Yeah, I think I'm good.

The reviews are mostly good.

But the problem is I don't just

wanna be good. I wanna be great.

And I don't just

wanna be great in Buffalo.

Where, then?

Don't laugh.

Hollywood.

I guess that's where people go.

Yeah.

You know, I just don't want my legacy

to be a Buffalotto commercial.

You know what? It's not going to be.

Because the moment

this thing is done, I'm out of here.

I'm just... I've gotta get out

before it's too late.

Sounds like a plan.

Yeah.

I hate fortune cookies.

I like 'em.

Are we going anywhere in particular?

Mm-hm.

You want some?

- No.

- No?

Come on, take a chance.

Take a chance on life.

There's a whole bunch of bodies

down there just churning around,

caught in the current.

So what did you do before jail,

Henry?

I worked at a tollbooth.

- Yeah? Which one?

- Eden.

- No!

- Yes.

Yay! I had family on the other side.

We must have seen

each other 100 times.

So, er... wow.

You were one of those guys

in the tollbooth with the er...

those weird... those rubber gloves.

Yeah.

What's so funny?

It's just...

You were watching everyone

go someplace

and you were going nowhere.

- That's funny?

- Yeah.

It's funny-sad.

So what did you go to jail for,

Henry?

- Trying to rob Buffalo Savings Bank.

- What?

I thought I was on my way

to a softball game but I... wasn't.

- But now I'm gonna rob it for real.

- What?

I'm going to rob it for real.

You're going to rob the bank

that you went to jail for robbing?

Yeah.

- There's a tunnel.

- What tunnel?

It runs from the bank to the theatre.

- My theatre?

- Yeah.

F***ing hilarious, Henry.

You know what?

- What?

- I'm hungry.

- For what?

- Ice cream.

Ice cream.

Let's get some ice cream.

I can't believe I'm sitting here.

Neither can I.

I want to dance and clap my hands.

I think I must be dreaming.

You know,

"God knows, I love my country.

"I love it deeply.

"I couldn't see out of the train window,

I was crying so much."

Page 21.

Could you read Lopakhin?

Sure.

"I have to go to Kharkov on the

five o'clock train. Such a bother.

"I wanted to stay and talk to you.

"You're as wonderful as ever."

Read the next line.

"Even more beautiful,

"and dressed like a Parisian...

You could blow me down."

Um...

could you say it like you feel it?

Like it's real.

Just say it to me.

OK.

"Even more beautiful.

"And dressed like a Parisian...

"You could blow me down."

You're good. That's really good.

You know what, I want you to keep

reading, but get up and walk around.

- "Your brother Leonard..."

- Leonid.

- Leonid.

- Leonid.

"Your brother Leonid says

I'm an upstart. A money-grubber."

Yes, you are, Henry.

You're a bank robber.

"He can say whatever he likes.

I don't care a bit.

"I just want you to believe in me

like in the old days."

Again.

"I just want you...

"I just want you to believe in me

like in the old days.

"I just want

your wonderful, tender eyes

"to look at me like they did then."

Say it without the book now.

"I just want

your wonderful, tender eyes

"to look at me

"like they did then."

Oh, I'm so glad I ran you over.

Me too.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

- Henry!

- Morning, Max.

Hey, listen. I figured it out.

The dirt from the tunnel

goes on the roof.

Ah, company.

- Good morning, Max.

- I'm sorry about the um...

- It's all right. She knows.

- She does?

I didn't know the dirt

from the tunnel goes on the roof.

Don't worry.

I'm not going to tell anyone.

Could I just have a second with you?

Pardon us, will you?

- What do you mean, you told her?

- I told her.

- You told her everything?

- Yeah.

Henry, it's a crime.

A crime's supposed to be secret.

- It's OK, Max.

- No, it is not. It's not kosher.

How do you like your bacon?

Crispy.

- What were you in prison for, Max?

- I was a confidence man.

You mean a con man?

I um... I don't like that word.

Er, "confidence"

is a little more elegant.

"Confidence" comes from the Greek

"fides", meaning faith and belief.

Greek?

I thought it was Latin.

Well, yes, it is... it is now.

So, essentially, you make people

feel good and then you rip 'em off?

Yes. But I was always a little better

at the feeling good part

than I was with the ripping off part,

hence jail.

Aren't you worried

about getting caught?

Well, it's kind of

a win-win situation for me.

Why?

I like jail.

What about you, Henry?

You like jail?

No.

I like it out here.

So why would you take the risk?

Or is it the money?

Well, it must be the money.

Boy, you are a criminal.

You're a greedy little criminal.

Your brother Leonid says

I'm an upstart. A money-grubber.

But I don't care a bit.

I just want you to believe in me

like in the old days.

Cute! You remember. Good!

Excuse me.

- Excuse me.

- What?

- Um... what exactly was that?

- It was Chekhov.

Chekhov?

- Oh, of course. Yeah.

- We read it last night.

Yeah. He was so good.

- You're really good. He's a natural.

- He is.

Um... I thought you guys

were out on a date last night.

We were.

So now

going on a date is reading Chekhov?

- Yeah.

- Uh-huh.

I gotta get to the theatre.

Um... excuse me. Excuse me.

Um... can you give me a ride

to the theatre?

Why?

I'm a volunteer now.

You were never in any of those plays,

were you?

No.

But can you give me a ride?

- (CRYING)

- Why didn't you listen to me? Why?

We can't turn back the clock now,

poor dear.

Crying, crying, crying.

Oh, God. This is driving me crazy.

- What?

- We could be digging right now.

- We could?

- If we were in that dressing room.

- It's rehearsal. There are people.

- Right. Just pissing me off.

Well, what can we do, Max?

What?

- I got an idea.

- What?

What if you played Lopakhin?

- What?

- If you played Lopakhin,

we could

get into that tunnel any time.

They have a Lopakhin.

- What if they didn't?

- What do you mean?

What do I mean?

What if they didn't have a Lopakhin?

I can't be Lopakhin.

I'm not an actor.

You're not a bank robber

and you're doing that.

Max, come on.

- She said you were a natural.

- So?

So a natural is a natural.

And a natural means you can do it.

- It doesn't.

- You're gonna be Lopakhin.

- There has to be another way.

- No. This is the way.

- I don't know, Max.

- You want the bank, don't you?

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