Hercules

Long ago, in the far away land|of ancient Greece...

there was a golden age|of powerful gods...

and extraordinay heroes.

And the greatest and strongest|of all these heroes...

was the mighty Hercules.

But what is the measure|of a true hero?

Ah, that is what our stoy is...

Will you listen to him?

He's makin' the story|sound like some Greek tragedy.

Lighten up, dude.

We'll take it from here, darling.

You go, girl.

We are the muses...

goddesses of the arts|and proclaimers of heroes.

Heroes like Hercules.

Honey, you mean "Hunk-ules".

Ooh, I'd like to make|some sweet music with him...

Our story actually begins...

long before Hercules...

many eons ago.

Ah

Back when the world was new

- Whoa!|- The planet Earth was down on its luck

And everywhere gigantic brutes|called Titans ran amok

It was a nasty place

There was a mess|wherever you stepped

Where chaos reigned and earthquakes|and volcanoes never slept

Whoo! Say it, girlfriend!

And then along came Zeus

- He hurled his thunderbolt|- He zapped

- Locked those suckers in a vault|- They're trapped

And on his own|stopped chaos in its tracks

And that's the gospel truth

The guy was too "TypeA"|to just relax

- And that's the world's first dish|- Yeah, baby.

Zeus tamed the globe|while still in his youth

Though, honey|it may seem impossible

That's the gospel truth

On Mount Olympus life was neat

And smooth as sweet vermouth

Although, honey|it may seem impossible

That's the gospel truth

- Ah, ah|- Ah

- Ah, ah|- Oh, yeah, yeah

- Ah, ah|- Hey, hey, hey

- Ah, ah|- Hey, yeah

Hercules!

Behave yourself.

Oh, look at this.

Look how cute he is.

Hah! Oh, he's strong...

like his dad, hmm?

Whoa! Excuse me!|Hot stuff coming through!

Excuse me.|One side, Ares.

Why, Hermes, they're lovely.

Yeah, you know, I had Orpheus|do the arrangement.

Isn't that too nutty?

Fabulous party. You know, I haven't|seen this much love in a room...

since Narcissus discovered himself.

Dear, keep those|away from the baby.

Oh, he won't hurt himself.

Let the kid have a little fun.

On behalf of my son,|I want to thank you all...

for your wonderful gifts!

What about our gift, dear?

Well, let's see here.|We'll take... Hmm, yes.

A little cirrus and, uh, hmm,|a touch of nimbostratus...

and a dash of cumulus.

His name is Pegasus...

and he's all yours, son.

Mind his head.

He's so tiny.

My boy.

My little Hercules.

How sentimental.

You know, I haven't been|this choked up...

since I got a hunk of moussaka|caught in my throat!

Huh?

So is this an audience|or a mosaic?

Hey, how you doin'?|Lookin' good. Nice dress.

So, Hades,|you finally made it.

How are things|in the underworld?

Well, they're just fine. You know,|a little dark, a little gloomy.

And, as always,|hey, full of dead people.

What are you gonna do? Ah!|There's the little sunspot.

Little snootchie. And here is a sucker|for the little sucker.

Eh? Here you go.|You just...

Sheesh!

Uh, powerful little tyke.

Come on, Hades. Don't be such a stiff.|Join the celebration!

Hey. Love to, babe...

but unlike you gods|lounging about up here...

I regrettably|have a full-time gig...

that you, by the way,|so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus.

So, can't.|Love to, but can't.

You ought to slow down.|You'll work yourself to death.

Hah! Work yourself to death!

Oh, I kill myself!

If only. If only.

If there's one god you don't want|to get steamed up, it's Hades.

'Cause he had an evil plan.

He ran the underworld

But thought the dead|were dull and uncouth

He was as mean|as he was ruthless

And that's the gospel truth

He had a plan|to shake things up

And that's the gospel truth

Pain!

Coming,|your most lugubriousness. Ow!

- Panic!|- Oh, I'm sory. I can handle it!

- Pain! Oh!|- And Panic!

Reporting for duty!

Fine, fine, fine. Just let me know|the instant the Fates arrive.

Oh. They're here.

What? The Fates are here,|and you didn't tell me?

We are worms!|Worthless worms!

Memo to me, memo to me:|maim you after my meeting.

Darling, hold that mortal's|thread of life...

good and tight.

Incoming!

Ladies.|I am so sorry that I'm...

- Late!|- We knew you would be.

We know eveything.

- Past.|- Present.

And future.

Indoor plumbing.|It's gonna be big.

Great, gr... Anyway, see, ladies, I|was at this party and I lost track of...

- We know!|- Yeah. I know you know.

So here's the deal. Zeus...

Mr High and Mighty, Mr "Hey, You,|Get Off Of My Cloud",... now he has...

- A bouncing baby brat.|- We know!

I know you know!|I know. I got it.

I got the concept.|So let me just ask:

is this kid gonna mess up|my hostile takeover bid, or what?

- What do you think?|- Oh, no you don't.

We're not supposed|to reveal the future.

Oh, wait. I'm sorry.|Time out. Can I...

Can I ask you a question by the way?|Are you...

Did you cut your hair or something?|You look fabulous.

I mean, you look like a Fate|worse than death.

Oh, gross!

Yech! It's blinkin'!

Ladies, please.|My fate...

is in your lovely hands.

- Oh.|- Oh, all right.

In 18 years precisely...

the planets will align...

ever so nicely.

Ay, verse. Oy.

The time to act|will be at hand.

Unleash the Titans,|your monstrous band.

Mm-hmm. Good, good.

Then the once-proud Zeus|will finally fall...

and you, Hades...

will rule all!

Yes! Hades rules!

- A word of caution to this tale.|- Excuse me?

Should Hercules fight,|you will fail.

What?

Okay, fine, fine.|I'm cool. I'm fine.

Pain? Panic?|Got a little riddle for ya.

How do you kill a god?

I do not know!

You can't. They're immortal?

Bingo! They're immortal!

So, first you got to turn|the little sunspot...

mortal.

- Huh?|- Wha... What is it?

The baby!

Hercules! Oh!

No!

Now we did it!

Zeus is gonna use us|for target practice!

Just hang on to the kid, Panic!

Hurry! Let's just kill the kid|and get it over with, okay?

Here you go, kid.|A little Grecian formula.

Look at that! He's changing.|Can we do it now?

No, no, no. He has to drink|the whole potion.

- Evey last drop!|- Who's there?

Alcmene, over here.

Oh, you poor thing.

- Oh, don't cy.|- Is anybody there?

- Now?|- Now.

Oh. Well, he must|have been abandoned.

Amphityon, for so many years...

we've prayed to the gods|to bless us with a child.

Perhaps they've answered|our prayers.

Perhaps they have.

"Hercules"?

Help, help, help!

Hades is gonna kill us|when he finds out what happened.

You mean, if he finds out.

Of course he's gonna f...

If. If is good.

It was tragic. Zeus led all the gods|on a frantic search.

But by the time they found the baby,|it was too late.

- Young Herc was mortal now|- Mmm

But since he did not drink|the last drop

He still retained|his godlike strength

- So thank his lucky stars|- Tell it, girl.

- But Zeus and Hera wept|- Ooh, ooh, ooh

Because their son|could never come home

They'd have to watch|their precious baby

Grow up from a far

Though Hades' horrid plan

Was hatched before Herc|cut his first tooth

- Ahh|- The boy grew stronger everyday

And that's the gospel truth

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