Hero Wanted

---

You got it.

He's in the bar right there.

Be careful. Cops.

Right there.

Out.

Yeah, just give us one more.

All right, time to go home, pal.

You've been sitting here

over two hours,

and all you've ordered is one shot.

l got paying customers

looking for a seat here.

One shot's all l need.

l'm a resourceful kind of guy.

All right, get the f***

out of here, man.

Just go feel sorry for yourself

someplace else, okay?

Get the--!

Jesus!

Sh*t.

What?

What?

l'm gonna kick

your f***ing ass, that's what.

Well, go ahead and do it, then.

I reaIIy wish we hadn't started here.

It's too easy to get

the wrong idea about me.

That's Dawn, my wife.

A Car aCCident ended

that happiness,

Ieaving me with an empty home

and an empty Iife.

There you go.

Stace, can we get a couple

of Millers, please?

You sure?

You know we have

Miller Lite on special.

Yeah, well, if l was on a diet

l wouldn't order beer.

All right, Swain.

Two Millers coming up for you guys.

Thanks, honey.

l gotta get out of this town.

Go somewhere nice...

like a beach somewhere,

you know what l mean?

Become a Rastafarian.

You all right, buddy?

Yeah.

What about you?

Surely you don't want to stay

in this shithole forever.

l don't know.

Next time can we get a puppy?

l'm just waiting

for my ship to come in,

then l'm bye-bye.

l don't know.

Somebody please help me!

Help me! Oh, my God!

Please help me!

Help me!

Give me your coat!

Give me your coat!

Give me your coat!

Call 91 1 . Call right now! Go!

Help!

Hi. l'm here to help you, okay?

Don't worry.

Don't worry, l got you.

Please, help me!

Somebody help me!

lt's gonna be all right.

Just keep your head down, okay?

Take her. Take her!

You all right, man?

Can't believe

you just f***ing did that.

You're a f***ing hero, man.

Get a f***ing ambulance over here!

l'll call 91 1 right now.

Mom, l love you.

You're okay.

For the first time

sinCe Dawn had died,

I'd done something worth doing.

That day I saved a Iife.

But not today.

The road to heII is paved

with good intentions.

Everybody's heard the saying

''Never get Caught

with your pants down.''

Everybody but LynCh MCGraw.

Yeah, that's right, baby.

Oh, sh*t!

You dropped your f***ing gun!

Come out, come out,

wherever you are.

You like that, you punk b*tch?

Hello. How are you this morning?

Good.

So, what can l do for you?

l'd like to cash this, please.

Hey, l know you.

You're the guy

that saved that little girl

from that car a couple years ago.

Yeah, you saw that?

l saw the whole thing on ''Dateline.''

That was a really

brave thing you did.

Anybody else would have done

the same thing, l think.

l don't know, you know.

Tell me you're not high.

l'm cool. God damn!

You f***ing better be.

Security guard's right on time.

Well, girls, no turning back now.

F*** turning back.

We're doing this sh*t.

Swain, you sure

you don't want in on this?

- l think l'm in this enough, right?

- You sure?

Come on, can't you feel

my heart beating?

This is gonna be one hell of a rush,

don't you think?

- Are we ready?

- Sure.

- Everything's in the bag?

- Yeah.

- Masks, everything?

- Yeah.

You f***ing behave.

Ready, big boy?

What are we waiting for?

Let's do this!

Nobody f***ing moves,

nobody f***ing dies.

l guarantee it.

Yeah, so, lover boy.

That's enough from you.

Tellers, back away

from that counter.

Put your hands

on top of your heads.

Everybody else on the floor now!

What are you doing

standing there?

Open the drawer now.

You think about

doing some dumb sh*t,

l'll put a bullet

in your face, Comprende?

That's right, folks,

this is not a reenactment,

so for your own comfort and joy,

could you please keep

your legs and your arms

within the vehicle!

Otherwise, you may lose them.

Thank you.

Why the f*** are you standing?

On the floor!

- Move, b*tch.

- l'm going as fast as l can.

No doubt, G,

she's a fine piece of ass.

l'd wax this sh*t

till midnight next Thursday!

- Holy sh*t!

- Jesus Christ!

Sh*t was an accident.

Sh*t just went off, man.

Get the f***ing money.

What is this? This is a bank?

No, no, no, no, no.

Get his black ass

back out of there!

Get the f*** back over here!

What did you do?

lf you don't get back over here,

l'm gonna do it again.

- Fill it up!

- Let's go, let's go!

Hey, what did l tell you?

This is what happens

when you people move!

Jesus, this wasn't

supposed to happen!

- We shouldn't even be here!

- Shut the f*** up, b*tch!

- And grow up!

- Kill him.

Kill him!

We gotta move. Kill him.

Come on, come on, come on!

Let's go! Cops are coming.

- Come on.

- Go. Go, go, go, go!

Can l help you?

You're the man

who tried to save her.

- lt's Liam, right?

- Yes, hi.

l'm so glad you came!

And so would Kayla be,

if she knew you were here.

l brought her these.

Thank you. Those are beautiful.

l guess now we know

who to thank

for all these other

beautiful red roses.

Her father

passed away last year.

l'm sorry, l don't know

why l mentioned that.

Oh, no, that's all right.

l'm just...

so thankful

for what you tried to do.

l just reacted.

Real heroes like you, Liam,

are always humble.

They always say they just reacted.

I feIt Iost, I feIt...

Confused.

I feIt I had no ChoiCes,

no options.

When a man is pushed,

he wiII Commit aCts of vioIenCe

he normaIIy CouId not imagine.

Cause of death...

Take your pick.

But...

l'm betting it's the frying pan

with the brains smeared all over it.

Maybe he was cookin' up

a freaky lunch.

lf he was, he would've, l'm sure,

used somebody else's brain

rather than his own.

Yeah, right.

We get an lD on this guy?

Yeah, Lynch McGraw.

He had a rap sheet

longer than Florida.

The way he lived,

never any question

about the way he would die.

He's still somebody's son, right?

Well...

somebody's dead son, yeah.

l'm sure his family

didn't even like him.

Somebody's son.

lt's quite a mess, ain't it, sir.

Nothing l ain't seen before...

like Beirut.

Don't you want to know

about the perp, sir?

What'd you say?

The perp, sir.

Let's pretend for a second

that l'm not a complete idiot

after 30 years, okay?

And assume, if you will,

l've been around this place

one or two times already

ahead of you.

- You got it?

- Yes, sir.

And that l got

a long day ahead of me

because of some

pan-happy nut job

who likes to whack people

about the head!

- Can you pretend that for me?

- Yes, sir.

How dare you ask me

something like that!

Now, stop pretending it

and go get me a coffee.

lt's unbeliev--

These uniforms, they're idiots!

You're scaring people.

Scarin' peo--

Well, you're ogling a dead body.

ls that business or personal?

You notice the puncture wound

to the groin?

Yeah, l saw that,

but that was personal.

- You're a sick man.

- l'm hungry.

Hey, where's my coffee?

Lieutenant CoIoneI

WaIter ''Cosmo'' JaCkson.

Did two tours in 'Nam with my dad.

When Dad died, Cosmo beCame

my obIigatory father figure.

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