Horror Express

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(Saxton) The following report

to the Royal Geological Society

by the undersigned, Alexander Saxton,

is a true and faithful account

of events that befell

the Society's expedition in Manchuria.

As the leader of the expedition,

I must accept responsibility

for its ending in disaster.

But I will leave to the judgment

of the honourable members

the decision as to where the blame

for the catastrophe lies.

(Man whistling)

(Wind whistling)

(Train whistle)

- I'm sorry, there isn't a seat left.

- My name is Saxton, Alexander Saxton.

If you will check, you will find the telegram

I sent you three weeks ago

instructing you to reserve accommodation.

- (Phone ringing)

- There's nothing I can do.

Hello? Yes.

Well, well, look who's here.

Professor Saxton, I presume?

- Doctor Wells.

- And what are you doing in Shanghai?

- I might ask you the same thing.

- I'm just collecting a few specimens.

Miss Jones, let me introduce

Professor Alexander Saxton.

He dabbles in fossils and bones.

Glad to meet you, Professor.

Miss Jones has been assisting me.

Bacteriology, excellent technician.

(Chuckles) For a woman, he means.

(Speaks Chinese)

Excuse me.

Two private compartments to Moscow,

if you please.

- Two, you say? Will that be all?

- And three crates of animals.

- Impossible.

- I know I'm asking you to perform miracles.

But perhaps this will help.

Thank you.

It's called "squeeze" in China.

The Americans call it know-how.

And in Britain, we call it bribery and corruption.

Now, sir, excuse me.

You! Get out!

Halt! Sir Alexander Saxton?

- Yes.

- Captain 0'Hagan, sir.

General Wang told me to find you

and to make myself useful.

Um... um... now I remember!

I do have Your Excellency's ticket.

- Your... your ticket, right here.

- Thank you.

(Chanting)

And the Lord have mercy on his soul.

Not that he deserves it, the dirty thief!

You have his things?

- You knew him?

- Krasinsky, the locksmith?

He could open any trunk with a hair pin.

A thief? But he was blind!

Blind?

He could spot the police well a mile away.

I'll be dammed.

The work of the devil!

Can I be of any assistance, Father?

- This is yours?

- It is, but I demand an explanation.

Whatever you have here is unholy

and must be destroyed.

Inspector Mirov.

What is in there, Excellency?

Fossils.

What is a fossil?

A stone.

Stones?

There wouldn't be something valuable

in there like gold?

Gold?! It's a laboratory specimen.

No value to a thief.

Where there is God...

there is always a place for the cross.

Even on this stone floor, just so.

But Satan is evil and where evil is,

there is no place for the cross!

- Rubbish! A conjurer's trick. Captain.

- Yes, sir.

You get your men to put the crate on the train.

Ready?

Lift it up. 0ff you go.

(Bells tolling)

- Where is crate C?

- It's over there, sir.

Be careful with this one.

Follow me!

(Snarling)

(Engine whistling)

What are you going to astound

the scientific world with this time?

You'll read about it

in the Society's annual report.

- It's a remarkable fossil.

- Fossil?

But you've got something live. I heard it.

- You're mistaken.

- You won't need to feed it, then?

The occupant hasn't eaten in two million years.

That's one way to economise on food bills.

Baggage man.

- Alinka, what's the matter with you?

- Yes, Countess?

- You have a safe for valuables?

- Yes, Countess. I shall make out a receipt.

Excuse me.

Alinka's afraid of something.

What do you have in that crate?

Normally she likes Englishmen.

- All we Poles do.

- I am honoured, Madame.

Queen Victoria, crumpets, Shakespeare.

I admire Poland, Madame, I believe that

there is a bond between our countries.

My husband, the Count Petrovski,

says that in the 15th century

your King Henry

betrayed us to the Russians, hm?

I hope you and your husband will accept

my profoundest apologies.

She's really afraid.

I wonder what it is.

May I escort you back to your carriage,

Madame?

(Train whistle)

Yours?

Yes?

I was on the platform before,

when that mad monk was carrying on.

- Yes?

- I'm an engineer, a scientist.

And this is ordinary chalk.

How do you explained it

not writing on that crate?

Hypnosis. Yoga.

These mystics can be very convincing.

They can even hypnotise themselves.

The fresh food we will pick up,

who will pay for it, sir?

Hmm? 0h, just keep an account

of how much you spend. Er...

lf... um... someone were to drill a little hole

in this crate during the night

and take a look at what's inside,

I'd be very grateful.

(Guard) That's in order.

Help me.

In what way, Madam?

- Is this number 8?

- That's next door, Wells' compartment.

There, there, don't cry.

Everything will be all right.

Excuse me.

Sorry, dear fellow, I'm afraid you're in the

wrong pew. Here, number 8, do you see?

Don't worry. I was supposed to have

this compartment to myself.

- If you don't mind.

- Sorry if I'm in your way.

Excuse me, I have no ticket

and I have to get out of Shanghai.

- I'm sure I can make it worth your while.

- The young lady's in trouble.

What do you suggest we do about it?

- Couldn't you double up with somebody else?

- Miss Jones?

I'm sure we can all get along

very well together.

(Man whistles tunefully)

(Clinking)

(Key drops on floor, padlock rattling)

(Tuneful whistling)

(Whistling)

(Whimpers)

There's the stink of hell on this train,

even the dog knows it.

When the Englishman comes to call,

what should I wear?

Sure of yourself, aren't you?

The blue one with the dcollet...

or perhaps the red one.

You are jesting with her immortal soul.

That's why we keep you, Pujardov.

(Whimpering)

She is afraid of something.

- Tell me, Pujardov...

- Yes?

Which do you think

I should wear for the Englishman?

- The red or the blue?

- Enough!

- I forbid you to talk this way.

- You forbid?

Forgive me, Your Excellency.

In my concern for the spiritual welfare

of the Countess, I forgot myself.

I will pray for humility.

Pray hard, Pujardov

or you'll find yourself praying for a job, too.

Hail Father and The Son and the Holy Ghost...

(Eerie whistling)

I wonder who it is.

(Plays piece on the piano)

(Train whistle)

(Distant door opening)

You wish to see us?

I thought one of you might know

what happened to the baggage man.

- I haven't the remotest idea.

- What about you?

Perhaps it had something to do

with what's in that crate.

I agree with you. He was trying to open it

when something happened.

What?!

- Fortunately, he was interrupted.

- Yes. By whom?

Why are you so worried

about it being opened?

It may be my fault. I asked the baggage man

to take a look. I was curious.

It was no concern of yours.

Goodnight.

It's time we opened this box.

You'll do no such thing!

Give me the key.

Konev, see if you can open the crate with that.

Go ahead!

My God... it's the baggage man.

- What was in there?!

- I told you, a fossil.

Part ape, part man.

It lived two million years ago.

Are you telling me that an ape

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