House Party: Tonight's the Night

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Morning, Christopher.

You all ready to finish high school?

Yeah, uh, I'm excited. Very excited.

Oh, I can see that.

Yo, two more weeks

and we're high-school graduates.

Tick tock. You gonna ask Autumn

out before the buzzer rings?

All right. A, she has a boyfriend.

B, he's a monster.

Come on, dude, take action.

I mean, you been spinning

for her since like grade two.

Chris. Hey. Why don't you

come and get yourself...

...one of mama's

famous breakfast sandwiches?

Famous with who?

Dylan got sick last time he had one.

Yeah, Dylan.

You know, I worry about him.

Don't get me wrong,

I like the boy and all...

...but what's he gonna do after high school?

He never set himself up for his future.

Just made one bad mistake after another.

Not like you, superstar.

Heh-heh-heh.

- So come on down, all right?

- All right. I'll be down.

Move your butt.

- I'll be down.

Oh, hey, man, um,

about what he just said, don't...

I was just talking to my mom. What's up?

Nothing, man.

Hey, hey, my man.

Yo, what up?

- What's up, what's up?

Yo Chris,

Stomp and Deathgrave are outside

talking smack about you.

You need to check those fools, man.

You made out with her?

- Well, not exactly.

Wait, what does that mean?

Well, not at all.

So, what did you do?

Ever hear of the fine art

of conversation?

Oh, you suck.

Yo, man, you want sound?

You want heavy?

You want 180 grams, my brother.

Yeah, 180 grams

don't come cheap, though.

Yeah, what's cost

when it comes to quality?

Show you something right now.

Call yourself a DJ.

What? What? What you got?

Boom!

See this right here, bro.

It's weight, density.

Ain't no needle gonna

skip over that mo'fo.

Needle ain't gonna skip on me, period.

Yeah, because you ain't a real DJ.

You pre-mix your sh*t on your iPad...

...when you should be doing it on the fly.

Listen, I take the time to get sh*t right.

You let the whole club hear your mistakes.

Because I'm human.

- It's, uh, real.

- Yeah, well, it's imperfect.

That's why it's perfect.

Yo, it's on.

They call me stomp, boy

'Cause that's what I do to you

Put you in your place

And erase every clue to ya

You don't have the heart

Like stomp do

Battle me and you'll be

Headlining the Fox News

They call me Deathgrave

'Cause I'm the troublin' type

And I'm handin' out obituaries

When I'm on the mic

Man, I'm up for a fight

say I'm buggin' you, right

Keep poppin' that lip

And you gon' see what it's like

You got bummy school gear

'Cause your pockets are light

Man, I'm shining up the hall

'Cause my pockets is right

Got your girl always talkin'

Like, "It's nice ta see ya"

'Cause my cheese stays drippin'

Like a slice of pizza

Ho, step right up

'Cause Dylan's stealin' the show

And you about to get dissed

By my main man Chris

Hey, Dylan, I got this. This is light work.

If you stomp and he Deathgrave

I'm the grim reaper

Make stomp Deathgrave

And put him in a sleeper

six feet ya, ha

Deeper than your mom's voice

Yo, she sound like Darth Vader on steroids

Ha

I'm-a get this poppin'

Them ain't skinny jeans

You're wearing your mama's stockings

And Deathgrave, man

Your raps are so simple

The only thing you ever keep popping

Is pimples

Yeah, I said it, you're done

Get back to your fun

This battle was over

Before it even begun

- That's bullshit.

- That's what I'm talking about!

Step off, boys.

Maybe next time for the little sisters.

Pfft.

- Yo, you got some wrong skills, son.

- It's all you. It's all you.

Yo, we got skills, you know?

You really gonna walk away

from all this for college?

I'm not really walking away

from anything, man.

We can still do the rap thing,

it just gotta be on the side.

So I been talking to my boy Doobie.

He just started this gig

at Kickpower Records in New York.

He's gonna get us in.

Look man, I told you, Doobie's an intern.

And he does coke.

Yo, he only does ecstasy and weed.

- Okay.

That's not what happened!

- Why are her books in your bag, Quentin?

- Because I was holding them for her.

Why?

- That's my friend, and I'm into

Twilight now. - That's your friend.

- Yes.

- You're into Twilight now?

Yeah. Mm-hm.

Really?

- Yes.

- Since when?

- No, stop and talk to me.

- Since today.

- Since today?

- Yep.

Okay. You on Team Eric or Team Jacob?

Well, first, I mean, you got Jacob,

and he's all that.

Then you got your Eric and he's so

just kind of wishy washy and all that, so...

- Heh.

- I mean, whatever.

All right. Who's Sookie Stackhouse?

The girl that's in love with both of them.

Wouldn't be Twilight without her.

You'd be right.

If we were talking about True Blood.

Take your f***ing books.

Call from my moms. I gotta take it.

I didn't hear it ring.

It's on vibrate.

F***, man.

Yo, what the f*** you looking at?

I ain't got no food for your fat ass.

Ugh. Watch out.

- Seriously, Quentin?

Deuces.

She's just so damn fine.

I'm so sorry.

How come the a**holes

get the good girls, man?

A**holes roll the dice. Take risks.

- What should I say?

- Think of something.

She's not just gonna put them

up on the glass.

You know, when you rapping,

you Superman.

Music fade, tsk, Clark Kent.

Oh, really? Oh, for sure, okay.

Then watch me fly.

Hey, uh, Autumn, Autumn, heh,

how you living, girl?

What's up?

- Been better.

- Yeah.

You hear all that?

Nah, except that he, uh,

might be creeping with some ho...

...but, you know,

obviously the guy's into hoes...

Not saying that you're a ho.

The schools full of hoes, you know?

Here a ho, there a ho, everywhere a ho-ho.

And then, poof. Ho be gone.

What are you saying, Chris?

Uh... Heh.

I'm really trying to say

I think you're a princess.

Yes! Whoo!

You're sweet.

I try.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Dude, I thought you were toast

with that "ho be gone" nonsense...

...but you rallied!

I thought it was funny.

Nah.

This is crazy.

Oh, thank you, baby.

Look, why can't the CPAs I hire

get their clients...

...to put the invoice numbers

on their check stubs?

- Devis in the details.

- Yeah.

And that's why you're

the V.P. of Finance.

Mm. You mean, the V.P of that fine ass.

- What, you want the double stuff?

- Ha-ha-ha.

Ugh. I can do that all day long, babe.

Oh, he's home. He's here.

Look who's home from school.

Ha, ha. Look who's home from school.

Hey, buddy, how was school?

You know, the usual.

I'm gonna be upstairs.

Wait, hey, hey.

Uh, Dad, are you on the pipe?

You acting kind of strange today.

What's up?

Son, for 18 years...

...you have been hard-working,

and responsible.

And we're so relieved

you realized...

...the whole music thing ain't for you.

You guys didn't give me

much of a choice on that one, but thanks.

It's not true.

There's always a choice.

You just have a knack

for making the right ones.

Can I do it? Can I tell him?

Yes.

Should I?

Follow me.

Chris, Chris, Chris.

Wow!

You got yourself

a beautiful car here, Pops.

Yeah, you know, I figured

this is probably the...

...uh, you know, perfect

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