House Party: Tonight's the Night Page #8

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You missed a great party.

Yeah, but I saw the best part.

Rapping Toilet Porn.

DJ Hardcap salute

One last thing I got to do

Whack chain Q I'm watchin you

Then wink at your girl

I got you, boo

'Cause you treat her bad

Dump him, let me be your man

Q stands for Quit

I don't ever flush but I am the sh...

Get back!

You've had eight million views

in less than 12 hours.

Huh?

Melvin!

Just don't tell your mom, okay?

Oh, hey. Uh-oh.

What's going on, baby?

I just saw our house...

...completely destroyed

in a video online.

You've got a lot of

explaining to do, young man.

We famous, dog!

Yo, that record exec

from Kickpower Records...

...he saw Rapping Toilet Porn.

- He loved it!

- What?

How much ecstasy did

this boy do last night?

How much?

So, uh, you really liked our rap last night?

- I loved it.

- Wow.

If marketing is the name of this game...

...you two have created something

money can't buy:

- A viral audience.

- What does that mean exactly?

It means you have

made a name for yourselves...

...and you've got the skills

and the talent to back it up.

So, gentlemen, on behalf of

Kickpower Records...

...I'd like to offer you

a development contract.

I want you in New York in two weeks

to meet the heads of the label...

...start working in the studio...

...and let us start capitalizing

on all that publicity.

What do you say?

I say, hell yes!

Uh...

Moms, uh, Pops...

...I really want this.

But, you know,

not if you guys are not behind me.

And I'm still going to college,

right on schedule.

I promise. I've never broken

any promises to you guys.

Oh, okay, so that wasn't our toilet

we saw scattered all over the internet...

...with a big girl humping the...?

Okay, that one time. But, Pops, I promise...

Your father and I need a talk.

Well, this is pretty suspenseful.

Who you telling?

Okay, you want our opinion?

Give me that contract.

I'll let our lawyer take a look at it.

Yeah! Whoo!

Son, you're a...

You're a grown man now, son.

Despite you doing that footsy

dance with your best friend.

Ha, ha. I'm kidding, son.

It's time for you to start

making your own decisions.

Here you go, that's for you.

Oh, Chris, hold on.

And this, uh... This is for you.

- Wow.

Ha, ha.

My boy is going to New York in style.

Yeah. Oh, what you looking at?

Oh, this is our boy. Yes.

The one with the college,

the babe, the car...

...and the record deal.

I've always liked you Australians.

I'm from London.

Oh.

Did you know there's

a London in Australia?

That's what he said.

Give me some of that.

Okay. All right.

Son, I'm so proud of you

I could just bust.

Come on.

Whoo.

I'll miss you, Mom.

Go on before your mama start crying.

Hey, fool.

Take care of that fool!

Wouldn't be here without you.

No sh*t.

Chris, call me!

Call me now!

Bye-bye.

Oh, boy.

Why don't we go upstairs...

...and see if we can

break another toilet?

Whoo!

Hey.

Get ready

to go to Dylan Town. I mean, uh...

What's up? What's up?

Hey.

How you feeling, love?

Good.

It's on.

Whoo-hoo!

I got your purple urple...

...white Rolexes, blue dolphins,

mall E, purple pterodactyls...

...red leprechauns,

pink Playboys, black market Advil.

Anything you need, really.

You guys don't realize

how lucky you are.

The founders of this label...

Actually, the hottest

producers in the business...

...took time away from

their world tour...

...to produce your first single.

Well, good luck. You'll need it.

Let's do it, man.

Thanks, Doobie.

Bass right there in that spot,

you wanna play it again.

I think we need some boom bap.

Give me that boom bap.

What are you talking about?

The boom bap era is over.

You have to drop the bass there

and play it again.

What? What? What?

Oh, that's right.

Hey, uh, Chris and Ryan, right?

- Dylan.

- Yeah.

Yeah, whatever.

Yo, man, they don't look

like such a big deal to me.

Not much to look at, true...

...but they kind of remind me

of two other clueless guys...

...who used to be just like them.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

Oh, well,

I guess you gotta start somewhere.

Mm-hm.

Gentlemen, pick your jaws up off the floor,

it's time to get busy. Let's do this.

Remember, pressure is a privilege.

What?

Man, never mind here what

Confucius is trying to say.

After we finish carving this turkey up,

we're gonna call our peoples...

...we gonna get together

and show y'all what...

...a real house party's

supposed to be, you hear me?

- You feel me?

Yeah.

- I heard y'all was doing our dance.

- We kill it, let me show you.

Don't do that no more.

- Don't do that no more.

- No more. No more.

Uh-uh.

Spread it out

and let it melt down your chin, b*tches.

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