Husbands

---

Throw the way she counts.

One, two, three, four, nine. Here we go!

Come on up here

and let's finish this one over here.

Go!

I suppose this is proper,

all these big cars and chauffeurs.

Black shiny cars.

Seems dopey for a guy like that.

Well, I guess that's what they do.

People get symbolic over death.

They get very formal,

and it's really ridiculous.

Because it's probably

the most humiliating thing in the world.

But I feel very relaxed.

People die of tensions.

That's all they die of, Gus.

That's the truth. Did you know that?

I know it, and it's something

I'm never gonna forget.

Don't believe truth.

Just don't believe truth.

Archie, I'm telling you,

don't believe truth.

That is the truth now.

You see, the truth will never kill you.

Lies will. Not cigarettes, not alcohol.

Lies, Gus. Lies and tensions.

That'll kill you.

That'll kill you before cancer in the heart.

Did you know that?

Now, give me a cigarette, will you?

Give me a cigarette.

- What, now?

- Yeah, now.

And give me a match, too.

I don't have any matches.

I don't know if I have a match.

I don't think I have a match.

- I don't have any.

- I don't have a match.

Harry!

You got a match?

Let us be grateful for the smiles.

Let us not think of sadness.

Let us bury this man

who has gone noisily through life

and made a quiet exit.

Who found time for the smallest child

and for the oldest man.

Who found time in his life

to make room for your lives.

A man who was respected

and honored and loved

by the fellow members of his community.

When we speak of a man

that's naive and full of innocence,

we think naturally of Stuart Jackson.

I recognize some, I don't know others,

but I know one thing.

That you're all saddened.

Saddened by the loss of what

we all consider a great, great friend.

Not a friend in need particularly,

not a friend giving to a friend.

Not really there to listen,

but a person who made

you feel that you belonged.

This was a man beloved by his dear wife

and beloved by his two children,

who now have a great void

to fill in their lives.

This Stuart...

This Stuart, a man with so many friends,

as you see here today,

that are deeply,

deeply affected by his loss.

Let us offer God our prayers

for his eternal soul.

And now a silent prayer.

A silent moment

to recognize Stuart Jackson.

- I'm so glad...

- It's okay.

I'm glad you could come.

I didn't like it.

I didn't like what he said.

- I'm not going home.

- It moved me, but I resent it,

- 'cause what he said, he said nothing.

- You know what I resented?

- I mean, say this, just say he was funny.

- Gus, you know what I resented?

Say he was a funny man.

There's a dead man laying there,

- and she's moved, you know that.

- 'Cause if you can't say the right thing

- when a man dies...

- But you don't talk about insurance...

...then what the hell is it all about?

Not at a time like that.

You don't talk about insurance,

you understand?

- Not at a funeral.

- One thing, he was a clown.

Say he was a clown, say he died too young,

and that's all, and that's it.

- You understand what I mean, Gus?

- Look, it's done!

It was done wrong, but it's done, so be it!

Well, I'm not going home.

So we'II...

I'm gonna get very drunk.

Whatever.

That's right. Your coat's seen enough.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Gussie.

- Yeah.

- Gussie.

- What?

Well, what are we gonna do?

Well, we can do anything we wanna do.

So what do you wanna do?

I mean, what do you prefer to do?

I mean, if you had a preference?

Well, I'd be a professional athlete

because they really put out.

And they got no excuses,

and they feel good, and they get sweaty.

You know, you have a beer,

and you're with guys you like.

I was gonna be a basketball player.

I had all the moves. I was quick enough.

Too short.

I love baseball. I love golf.

I love pool. I love track.

I love Ping-Pong. I love volleyball.

I love badminton. What else is there?

- Football.

- Lacrosse! Now there's a hell of a game!

What are we gonna do?

Harry, you don't care.

Archie, I'd like to know how you feel.

You know, it's a terribly...

It's a terribly sad thing

when a man reaches around 27,

the years are going by,

and then he realizes that he's never

gonna be a professional athlete anymore.

And then you reach 30!

And then you know it's over,

and then you begin to watch other athletes

and you begin to see

when they're gonna give out.

- Do you ever feel that way?

- I felt that.

- Well, the legs go at 35. The legs.

- I got a hell of an idea.

Let's have a light breakfast.

You know what I mean?

Why a light breakfast?

Why not a heavy breakfast?

Oh, Harry...

- Harry, Harry, Harry.

- I'm hungry.

- Light breakfast.

- Everything's light.

- You get your money?

- I got everything.

- Okay.

- Where we going? We got 40 stops.

You're right.

Forty more stops. The man is right again.

I love basketball.

But I'm too short.

You want to play?

Without my shoes, I'm shorter!

I want to play.

I'll race you to the corner.

Walking, no running.

- For how much?

- A dime.

- A dime. You're on. Yeah.

- You ready?

- Get set!

- Get set!

Go!

Give back the ball.

Got it!

Ball!

Come on. Come on, Harry.

Come on, Harry. Put it up.

I hate basketball.

And besides, I have a theory

about people who play to win.

It's the only reason to play.

Otherwise why keep score?

First, we have to play games,

then we have to see who wins.

We've been up for 24 hours.

And we're gonna get ourselves

the same as Stuart.

It's good for you. Sweat it all out.

- Wanna go home, Harry?

- No!

I'm never going home.

All right, then. Let's have a drink.

- Here's to Joe. Here's to Joe.

- Here's to Joe.

- Joe.

- Here's to Joe.

To Joe.

To Joe.

All right, next.

Charlie?

I'm not any Joe, but...

Maybe the original soul...

- I'm sorry.

- All right, next.

Okay. That was terrific. I'm sorry.

Gus, you broke the rules.

- Who's next?

- Gotta keep the rules. No talking.

- Tony, Tony's next.

- No, Gwen.

- Gwen.

- Gwen is next. Gwen, you go.

Look at me! That's better.

Don't know anymore.

Give her a hand. Let's have a drink.

Terrific. Terrific. Terrific.

Beautiful.

Okay.

- We're terrific.

- Terrific.

- Who's next?

- He's next.

No, no, ladies first.

Now, this is First World War.

Wonderful. Wonderful.

- All right.

- Leola.

- All right. Who's next?

- My Leola's next.

- Who's next? Who's next?

- No, no, ladies first. Leola.

Well, go ahead, John.

- Please. Please. John.

- Go, John.

Go, John.

I love it.

I love it.

I'd like to hear that one again.

Can I hear that one again?

Bill was all right, but...

I mean, I have nothing against Bill.

It's just that I have a song that means,

well, it takes life.

You'll see what I mean.

It means life.

Shut up, Gus, shut up.

Shut up, Gus!

Shut up, you moron.

Bravo!

Let's drink to that.

Come on...

You're an angel.

Okay. All right.

You're right. You know something?

She felt a rejection. Let's sit down.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes