Hysterical Blindness

-Ma.

-Thank you, honey.

See you later.

-You drive.

-Okay.

l'm sitting at my computer

doing all that data entry sh*t...

they always stick me with, and l go blind.

You went blind?

Yeah. l couldn't see a thing.

So l started yelling, "My God, l can't see."

My God!

So, Susan walks me

to the lot and she goes...

"l get stuck with all the responsibility."

And l'm like, "You're right, that is so true.

"You're here to help me out,

and that is a lot of responsibility."

To help a total blind person, it is.

She takes my hand and she goes,

"Deb, it's me and you in this together."

l cried all the way to the emergency room.

So, we get there,

and the nurse took me right in.

She could see it was a serious thing.

l know.

l'm sitting there, waiting for the doctor

on one of those table-bed things...

whatever they are.

Just sitting and waiting all alone....

And my sight came back.

Thank God.

lt was blurry at first.

My God, Deb.

-Thank God.

-l know.

-Can you see now?

-Yeah.

l don't know what l'd do

if it ever happened again.

-lt was really scary, Beth.

-lt sounds scary.

And the worst part is...

the doctor walked in and all...

and he goes:

"lt's hysterical blindness."

My God.

And, Beth, it's caused by stress.

l told you.

l told you, Deb, a long time ago.

-You got to learn how to relax.

-l know.

But it's like there's always

something bothering you.

Excuse me, things just

don't bother me, okay?

Things happen to me.

Okay.

-Do l look okay?

-Do l?

You look really hot.

-You, too.

-Thanks.

What are we gonna order?

Okay, let's start with a shot

and then get two Rolling Rocks.

Yeah, tequila?

Salt?

Yes, l don't want people thinking

l don't know how to do a shot of tequila.

Hi, Carolann.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

That is so nice of you to say.

Deb, your mom is so sweet.

The girls from my firm took me out

to Skyway's to celebrate my engagement.

Your mom waited on us, and we totally

had her running around like crazy.

She's really sweet.

That's nice.

We should go.

Good luck tonight, girls.

We got to hurry.

The guys are waiting for us.

Why did you have to congratulate her?

l don't know,

she's a human being, isn't she?

She's wearing pink shoes.

Deb, will you carry my hairspray?

Beth, when will you get the travel size?

l need the jumbo, okay? l have a lot of hair.

Good.

Are you ready?

Don't rush me.

All right.

Debby does Bayonne.

F*** off.

-Bobby's bartending.

-Yeah, so?

So, it's good to have a bartender

we know here.

l would know that the best, Beth.

-After all, l know him better.

-Yeah, l remember.

Bobby!

Hi, Bobby.

We'll have....

She's gonna have a shot of tequila...

and a Rolling Rock.

l'll have something sweet

like a Sex on the Beach.

You got it.

Beth!

l changed my mind,

l felt like a Sex on the Beach. Arrest me.

Maybe you should tell him,

l'll have the same, too.

All right.

-lt's too late.

-Great!

-Thanks.

-Sorry.

We had a plan.

What are you looking at?

Just that guy.

God, Beth. Way to stare at him.

l'm not staring, l'm glancing.

He's got Patrick Swayze eyes.

He looks mean.

l would drop my pants for him in a second.

Hey, baby.

You want to slip on some slime?

He's gonna hear you!

So? Maybe l want him to.

You're never gonna get

a guy like that, you know?

My God, Deb, he's coming over here.

-No, he's not.

-Sh*t.

See, l told you.

He's a conceited jerk.

-Bob.

-Yeah?

You know that guy over there?

He looks like trouble.

Never seen him before.

-Why?

-No reason.

Beth was just gonna

try and talk to him or something.

You think he's cute, Beth?

Yeah, a little.

So, that's your type.

Maybe, maybe not.

What is your type then?

Describe him.

l like a guy who's built

and really sure of himself.

lf l'd known someone,

l'd have fixed you guys up.

-You would?

-A girl like you?

Excuse me!

Any guy would be real grateful

for a girl like you.

Debby!

Will you watch our seats?

Deb, wait!

l am so sick of this!

Sick of what?

Sick of my best friend talking to guys,

ignoring me like l'm not even there.

Nobody was ignoring you, Deb.

You were!

We didn't come out

so you could talk to the bartender.

l'm just trying to have a good time, okay?

l thought you liked Bobby.

He's an a**hole, okay?

You shouldn't go to a place like Ollie's

with me and act like this.

Act like what? How am l acting?

Like l'm not your best friend.

You wouldn't even be going out

if it wasn't for me.

You'd still be sitting home with your kid.

l'm just trying to be everybody's friend...

and l don't see anything wrong with that.

You are really belittling yourself.

Belittling?

-Big word, Deb.

-You are.

You throw yourself at every guy you see.

My God! You should talk!

You've been with most of them.

l want to go home.

-Now?

-Yeah.

No! l don't want to go home now.

You always go home early

because of your kid--

l'm not finished talking to Bobby.

My God, l mean, Beth....

Beth!

You got Patrick Swayze eyes, you know?

l do?

Yeah.

That's good, l guess.

Some might say so.

What, did you lose your hairspray?

No.

What are you doing standing here?

Nothing.

No, l came out here because

my girlfriend's being a b*tch.

She's talking to some guy

who was so rude to me.

Did he say something to you?

No, he was just ignoring me.

lt's just really rude.

Yeah, sounds it. That's a shame.

What are you doing?

l'm heading out.

Me too.

l'm parked over there.

lt's my special spot.

You want me to walk you to your car?

Yeah, sure.

That's mine. Camaro '84.

l'm really into cars.

-That's nice.

-What's your name?

-Rick.

-l'm Debby.

l'm in customer service. What do you do?

l work construction.

Where do you usually hang out?

At home.

l got my own house.

Sometimes, l go and watch

my buddies play softball.

You don't play?

No, l don't got team spirit.

l'm always waiting for one of my buddies

to do something stupid, so l can laugh.

l'd always root for a good laugh.

Me, too! l'm exactly like that.

l got to get going.

-See you.

-Yeah, see you.

Thanks for walking me to my car.

l owe you a drink now.

Yeah, okay.

All right, l'll be here tomorrow night.

Cheer up.

Sure. Thanks.

Hi, Suzie.

l had a nice time.

You can say that again.

l did, too.

You're an early riser. l like you already.

This is my daughter, Debby.

You're up early, honey.

How do you do?

My name is Nick Piccolo.

l met your mother at the Skyway's.

l have breakfast there almost every morning.

ls that your Ford in the driveway?

ls it parked out of whack?

lt's parked in my driveway, that's all.

There's plenty of room

for both of the cars, Debby.

No, there's not.

You don't know that, do you?

You don't drive, remember?

Why are you up so early, Debby?

ls something wrong?

l was gonna tell you

about my night last night.

But l guess l won't.

Nice girl.

She can be, really.

All the neighbors used to say that.

Want some coffee?

A little.

Amber!

-Amber Autumn!

-What?

Will you go see what she wants?

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