I'll Be Home for Christmas Page #3

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Nolan, reality check.

Say no more, Santa. l'm after them.

Nolan, I said catch them,

try not to kill us.

There's a cop behind us. Slow down.

Cops make me nervous.

l'm gonna make a run for it.

Are you nuts?

Daddy always said, it's better

to go out in a blaze of glory

than to rot

in a state correctional facility.

You're about to tell me

the stuff in the back is stolen?

l won't if you don't want me to.

Stop the car, Nolan.

All right, come on, Jake. Think.

l know. Put this on. Act like my elf.

How do elves act?

-I don't know.

Happy.

-Happy?

Merry Christmas, officer. Problem?

ln a bit of a hurry, aren't you?

That's my fault.

Busy time of year for me.

l'm an elf.

-So it seems.

Do you realise

you were going 9 in a 65 mph zone?

You should try catching me

in my sleigh.

You see, officer,

my elf Snow Puff and l

are heading to the children's

hospital in the next town.

You mean Redcliff?

-Exactly.

To distribute toys to the youngsters.

Sorry if in my haste I sped up a bit,

but every second counts

to a bedridden child.

All right, l'll tell you what.

No more speeding, OK, Santa?

65 stay alive.

Merry Christmas.

-Thank you, officer.

And that is how the big boys do it.

You know what?

My shift ends in a few minutes.

Follow me.

l'll get you there in no time.

That's how the big boys do it?

Shut up, Nolan.

So close yet so far.

Please stay in the car.

l guess he couldn't hear you.

Thank you, officer.

Do y'all mind if I go in there

with you?

l'd like to see the kids' faces

when you give them their gifts.

The more, the merrier.

l want a pony

and a Barbie dreamhouse...

That's all great stuff but Santa

will give you something better.

A KitchenAid Classic Plus toaster

with exclusive AcuToast sensor

for consistent toasting

time after time.

Sweetie, this toaster is extra wide

so you can get four bagels in there

instead of the usual two.

Thank you, Santa.

-You're welcome.

Santa, this toaster was already

promised to a cowpoke named Nolan.

Hand it over to the kid, Snow Puff.

All right, let's get this line

moving. Who's next?

All-righty,

and what do you want for Christmas?

And finally... Ho-ho-ho.

Merry Christmas.

What's your name, little boy?

-Esteban.

All right, let's see what we have

here today for Esteban.

Look at this.

A Eureka Boss cordless

rechargeable vacuum cleaner.

No, thank you.

Well...

l don't know what else

l have here for you, buddy.

What do you want for Christmas?

To go home.

l want to be with mi mama,

mi papa...

Grandmothers and grandfathers,

and my dog,

and have a Christmas tree,

and lights, and angels,

and Christmas cookies.

With little red and green sprinkles

on top,

and plum pudding,

and Christmas carols...

Aw, sugar doll, I miss you so much.

l don't want to fence stolen goods

no more.

l'd like you to come home.

Please,

you know I didn't mean to hurt you.

How will I get through the holidays?

l just needed to talk to my dad

or Tracey.

Are either of them there?

Gee, your dad and Tracey

went to the mall.

lt's just me, holding down the fort.

We are all so excited

you're coming home.

We've got the tree all set up.

lt looks great.

I've just been shopping and cooking,

cooking and shopping.

Speaking of which, your sweater size,

you're a 38, right?

Yeah, I guess.

Where are you now?

Are you on your way home?

Yeah, look, I gotta run.

So you take care, now. OK?

OK.

-Bye.

Bye.

l gotta tell you, although l've only

been your elf for a short time,

l feel like a new man, changed.

Do I look changed to you?

Maybe on the inside, where it counts.

That's it. l've changed

on the inside.

l'm going home for Christmas.

-Home?

I thought you were going east.

-Back the other way.

Nolan, I saved your butt back there.

Don't you owe me something?

Yes, I do.

Didn't mean to leave you hanging.

Merry Christmas.

What?

-Can I have a word with you?

What is it?

- lt's my wife, Marjorie.

She left me last month.

lf I got her back home for Christmas,

l know we could start again.

Why are you telling me this?

-She won't listen to me.

l got a hunch

she might listen to Santa.

lf you walked into her restaurant

and asked her to forgive me,

she'd come home.

She left you, right?

So where's your dignity?

Don't go crawling back to her.

Let her come grovelling back.

Maybe you're right. Why drive to

Nebraska just to get slammed again?

Wait, Nebraska? As in east of here?

lt's about a six-hour trip.

What's the matter with you?

You married her

but you won't take a little drive?

Max, what did you do

that made your wife so mad

that she'd take a job 300 miles away?

l stayed at Smitty's

till 3:
00 one morning.

That doesn't seem so bad.

With an old girlfriend.

Here's the deal.

lf I get Marjorie to come home,

you buy me a bus ticket to New York.

lf you can get Marjorie

to come home for Christmas,

l'll buy you a bus ticket

to the moon.

All right.

Looking good.

l got kind of a weird call

from Jake while you were out.

He didn't say where

he was calling from.

l'm pretty sure he's on the road.

l hope he's gonna make it.

There is not an obstacle

in this world

that will keep my son from this car.

My God, there's a scratch.

Where?

Get a life, Dad.

See you.

She's ready for you, son.

Wherever you are.

There she is, right there.

Isn't she the most beautiful thing

you've ever seen?

Yeah, no doubt.

What do you want me to tell her?

That if she doesn't come home,

l'll die.

Good. Die.

Now, don't you think

you're being a little bit harsh?

Harsh? He kissed that tramp

in front of everybody at Smitty's.

l'm sure it was a friendly kiss.

Brother-sister.

There was tongue.

-There was not.

There was too, you big pig.

Everybody saw it.

It wasn't me kissing her.

It was the Jgermeister.

We made a commitment, Max,

to honour and obey

for better or for worse.

OK, this is worse.

He really burns my biscuits.

Let me handle this one.

Don't you think you should give Max

another chance?

Maybe this is a misunderstanding.

He kissed her.

How do you misunderstand that?

l'm sure

he didn't mean to hurt you.

This other couple I know

were upset about a misunderstanding.

What's wrong with them?

-They had a trip back east.

He cancelled last minute. He wanted

to take her to Cabo San Lucas.

She thought he was being selfish,

which was a misunderstanding.

No, he sounds like a jerk.

No, he's not.

lf she had understood,

she would have realised he has

a stepmother he doesn't like.

What's wrong with her?

The dad married her

ten months after his wife died.

She must be a babe.

Why is he mad at the stepmother?

lt's not her fault.

Isn't ten months a little soon?

Not if she's a babe.

What does this have to do

with me and Max?

Misunderstandings can be overcome

if both people just try.

Right now, Max has a broken heart.

All he's asking for

is a second chance.

Just give him another shot.

How's about a top-up on this coffee?

You know what, l've got a job to do.

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