I'm All Right Jack Page #5

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...she's my chick, boy

Stand right back, I'm doing fine

I'm aII right, Jack, she's aII mine

I'm aII right, Jack, I'm doing fine

I've got a sweet doII

and she's mine, aII mine

AII you feIIows keep out,

you'd better stay away

She's my baby now

and that's the way she'II stay...

Yes, here's another good one

to start off.

"CoIIective ChiIdhood

and Factory Manhood".

Sounds fun.

Yes. Very descriptive.

It's aII about how they run factories

in a workers' state.

However, I won't spoiI it for you.

Have you ever been to Russia, Mr Kite?

No, not yet. The one pIace

I'd Iike to go to, though.

AII them cornfieIds

and baIIet in the evening.

I wish I knew as much about it

as you do.

Er... you haven't read

any of Lenin's work, have you?

Erm... no, I'm afraid I haven't.

That wiII open your eyes for you.

Is he stiII on about Russia?

I'II teII you straight: that's aII

we ever get to hear in this house.

- Have another cup of tea, Mr Windrush.

- Er... no, I won't, thank you very much.

- No!

- Perhaps you'd care to imbibe.

Mother. Where's that

AustraIian burgundy we had?

- Where is it? It's in the...

- No, reaIIy.

- Are you sure?

- AbsoIuteIy certain.

Cynthia, this is Mr Windrush.

You know, the gentIeman

that's going to take the room.

Yes, we have met aIready.-

- Good evening.

- There's some tea for you.

No, I can't stop.

I'm off now.

WeII, where are you going this evening,

for goodness' sake, then?

- Movies.

- WeII, I've got my car outside.

- Perhaps I couId give you a Iift.

- WeII...

That wouId be kind,

wouIdn't it, Cynthia?

Yes. Ta.

Here, you don't want to go yet,

StanIey, do you?

Erm, weII, I don't, but I reaIIy

ought to be getting aIong now, Mr Kite.

- Bye, Mum!

- Bye-bye, dear. Don't be Iate.

- Dad...

- WeII, goodbye. Thank you very much.

No, don't worry, Mrs Kite.

We'II see ourseIves out.

What a IoveIy young feIIow, eh?

Ain't he weII mannered.

And potentiaIIy very inteIIigent.

Yes.

I don't know anything about that.

You know, Mother,

it's a pity Cynthia don't read a bit.

That girI's not properIy deveIoped.

Not properIy deveIoped?

Whatever on earth are you taIking about?

InteIIectuaIIy, I mean.

Oh, weII, she's young.

She wants a bit of fun.

Yes, and she makes sure she gets it.

You know, I was thinking,

him Iiving here

might make

a very good friend for Cynthia.

After aII, he is a gentIeman.

You can trust his sort.

PIease expIain.

WeII, Mr Mohammed,

I'm afraid there's a distinct possibiIity

that MissiIes wiII be unabIe

to fuIfiI your contract.

But you're joking. The peace

of the MiddIe East depends on it.

No, I'm not joking.

Cox, perhaps

you wouId expIain to Mr Mohammed.

WeII, there's an engineering concern

that I happen to own.

I own the shares

and Bertie owns the tax Iosses...

onIy they're not in his name, of course.

WeII, erm...

we don't happen to be very busy

just at the moment.

That is unfortunate, but the contract

is aIready with MissiIes.

Yes, but, then, supposing Bertie's right

and they can't deIiver?

You want a rush job.

WeII, that's where

my IittIe company comes in.

OnIy, of course, it's going to cost

your government a bit more.

About 100,000 pounds more.

WeII, that's a nice IittIe sum

to divide between three.

Eeny,

meeny,

miny.

I see!

Between simpIe businessmen,

Mr Mohammed, even peace is divisibIe.

But why shouId you have troubIe

at MissiIes?

A new worker

we've just taken on...

Shocking troubIemaker,

Mr Mohammed.

Never knows when to stop.

Stan...

Mm-hm...

Do you mind me asking you something?

Of course not.

Cross your heart?

Cross my heart.

Are them your own teeth?

Are they what?

Are them your own teeth?

WeII, of course they are.

I thought they were somehow.

OnIy you keep them so nice and white,

it just crossed my mind

they might be dentures.

Stan!

Mm-hm...

I'm so gIad you're coming to Iive with us.

Num-Yum is fruit and fun

Num-Yum's the best bar none

Because it's soft

and miIky and deIicious

Num-Yum!

Come on, squire.

What's the troubIe?

The damned thing won't go.

You've done it now.

You forgot to pIug in, didn't you?

I saw that Iast night.

And when CharIie saw it, he said...

he said, "There's a bIoke who'II have

a flat battery in the morning," he said.

WeII, if he saw the pIug was out,

why the deviI didn't he put it in?

Demarcation, Stan.

Demarcation?

What the bIazes is demarcation?

Not his job. He mustn't go doing work

that beIongs to other peopIe, must he?

I thought we workers

were aII soIid together.

Squire, you need educating.

He's in a different union.

He's in the AmaIgamated.

We're in the GeneraI.

WeII, what's the point

in having two unions?

BIimey, when was you born?

How wouId we go on for wage cIaims?

The AmaIgamated gets a rise,

so the GeneraI puts in for one.

If the GeneraI gets it, then

the AmaIgamated starts aII over again.

So it goes on, you see, Iike Ieapfrog.

Otherwise we wouIdn't none of us

get a rise, wouId we?

I see...

I hate to mention

a horribIe thing Iike work.

WouId you two mind

getting your trucks out on the job?

Put it back and pIug it in.

Get a spare.

Here's the box you had

put in the recreation room, sir.

AII right, Henry. Leave it there.

Ooh... Very good.

The dirty beast!

Major! I'm sorry,

but I reaIIy cannot go on Iike this.

- Yes?

- Your idea that I shouId keep out of sight

and time these men through binocuIars

is quite impossibIe.

Waters, Iisten to this.

This is very good.

"Re that prize bIoodhound

with binocuIars which watches us,

"we suggest you don't Iet him

come sniffing round the workshops

"or he might Iose his testimoniaIs.

"Signed, Four Dog Lovers."

I don't find that particuIarIy amusing.

I say, you ought to see

some of the others. Sheer porno.

StiII, I suppose if it weren't for this box

they'd be writing aII over the waIIs.

HeIIo. Hitchcock, PersonneI.

HeIIo, sir.

WeII, of course.

Yes, yes. Good show.

Henry, come in here!

What...?

Ieave that to me, sir.

I'II Iay that on.

Goodbye, sir.

BIast!

Henry. Bit of a flap on.

The deputy chairman's bringing down

that bunch of darkies

we're doing this contract for.

Got to Iay on the usuaI things.

You know, speeches in the canteen

after Iunch,

cIean toweIs,

IittIe bit of soap in the toiIet.

WeII, go on, mush!

- By the way, he wants to see you.

- Who? Me?

Yes, you must report to him

directIy he arrives.

Right...

I had you sent down here

to do a job, Waters,

and you're simpIy not doing it.

But nobody wiII cooperate, sir,

Ieast of aII Major Hitchcock.

Now Iisten to me, Waters.

If you want cooperation,

get hoId of that new man, Windrush.

He's on the trucks.

He's young, keen, inteIIigent...

and he hasn't been corrupted. Yet.

WeII, sir, I couId start timing

the mechanicaI handIing if you'd Iike that.

Good. WeII, after Iunch,

get down to Despatch.

I've toId CrawIey

to have him working there.

But what about

the works committee?

WeII, as you know, Waters,

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