I'm No Angel

Right this way, folks!

Gather round. That's right.

You gotta hear me.

All right. You will see a show of amazing...

stupendous and cataclysmic proportions.

Your two bits will do the work of a sawbuck.

From the inside, folks, you're gonna see,

right before your very eyes...

without the aid of cheaters or a microscope...

- Joe, the Turtle Boy.

- That's it, the picture.

Jail me, folks, if I ain't telling the truth.

He walks, eats and sleeps just like a turtle...

but talks the English language

as well as you and I.

And shaves himself with a safety razor.

And as an added attraction folks,

Joe plays the zither.

Believe it or not, folks, he plays the zither.

That's what you'll see when you go inside.

What did you get?

Not much.

Them birds have to work for a living.

These tickers look like a lot of heirlooms.

Look at them.

And that, folks, is only a sample

of what you're gonna see for the one price.

Now look, folks, you've got to give me

your undivided attention...

because I want you to hear

each and every word that I'm going to say.

Over there, Tira, the beautiful Tira!

Dancing, singing marvel of the age!

Supreme flower of feminine pulchritude!

The girl who discovered

you don't have to have feet to be a dancer.

Boys, just push right in there,

you're gonna have a better view.

All right, boys, the lumber. Drag it out!

Pull ahead, men!

If I wasn't a married man,

I could go for you, baby.

No wisecracks, now.

A penny for your thoughts.

Tira, boys! Tira!

Just look at those eyes.

I dig those eyes.

Boys, she can assume shapes

that will astonish a chiropractor!

And next to her

a wiggling worm looks paralysed.

Get the idea, boys?

I can say

without fear of contradiction...

that if Tira had played the town at the time...

Noah would have missed the boat.

You follow me?

Boys, with the right kind of encouragement...

she'll throw discretion to the winds...

and her hips

to the north, east, south and west.

It's the only show on earth

where the tickets are made of asbestos.

And now inside, Tira,

the girl who makes your dreams come true.

Step right up, men.

Does she do her stuff?

You bet she can do it.

Oh, mama!

I know just how you feel, honey.

- Is that elegant or is that elegant?

- Elegant.

They call me Sister Honky-Tonk

I've got the face of a saint

On the level, it ain't paint

Beware of these eyes

I'm a devil in disguise

And they call me Sister Honky-Tonk

Get over dirty

They call me Sister Honky-Tonk

Just play a passionate strain

And I'll be low down again

It's fire and it's flame

So be careful of this dame

They call me Sister Honky-Tonk

I got to scram now

Am I making myself clear, boys?

Suckers.

Tomorrow night at the same time: Tira!

Tira, you're gonna be a good girl

and work them lions tonight, ain't you?

No, I'm gonna be a bad girl

and go home to bed.

- No.

- I'm tired from tossing my hips.

- I know, but...

- Besides the cat act's on too late, anyway.

I'll work them tomorrow night

if you put them on earlier.

Sometime you'll ask me

to do you a favour and I'll...

So what?

- Hello, honey.

- I've just been working on you.

Oh, yeah?

- What have you got to tell me tonight?

- I have your horoscope.

- I hope you got some good news in it.

- Good and bad.

Go ahead, I got my fingers crossed.

You were born in August.

- Yes, one of the hot months.

- It was on the 17th...

under the sign of Leo, the lion.

King of the beasts, huh?

Today is not lucky for you.

I can't complain. So far it's been perfect.

Tomorrow will be very lucky.

But tonight, be careful.

Something told me not to work

that lion act tonight.

You are very wise.

I profit by my experience.

Now listen, honey,

you just tell me about my future.

You see, I know all about my past.

You have a wonderful future.

I see a man in your life.

What, only one?

But this is one very particular man.

He is very wealthy. Enormously wealthy.

You mean a millionaire.

What does he look like?

I see he has brown eyes.

In fact, I see two men.

You don't mean twins?

No. Two different men.

In the near future I see a change.

What, a change of men?

Not yet.

I see a change of position.

Sitting or reclining?

But it's all left me.

I can't help you anymore tonight. I can't.

Thanks, Rajah.

It's all right, I'm in a hurry anyway.

- Give me my thing.

- Horoscope.

Keep this where you may

consult it frequently.

All right, I'll take it to bed with me.

What are you playing me the chill for

all of a sudden, baby?

Because I ain't exactly in the mood.

Seems like I can't put you

in the mood, lately.

I guess you're right.

Barton wants you to get in the cage

and wrestle them lions tonight.

Not tonight. I told Barton.

Tira, you've got to. The show is walking

on its heels in this town.

What's the rush?

You seem awful anxious to get somewhere.

- Pulling something funny, if you ask me.

- I ain't asking you.

I'm asking you.

What do you want to stay

in a hotel in town for?

Why don't you stay on the lot,

same as the rest of us?

'Cause I ain't the same as the rest of you.

I'm sick of people worrying about what I do.

I get about as much privacy around here

as a goldfish.

Getting high hat, huh?

What did you do? Got you a haircut

or have your ears moved down?

It's a wonder you noticed.

Miss Tira.

Come in, honey.

A gentleman gave me this note for you.

What's your name?

My name is Frederick, but they calls me Otto.

All right, honey,

you tell the gentleman it's okay.

Yes, ma'am.

- Who's the boyfriend?

- Wouldn't you like to know?

I tell you, you go mixing up with any guy

and I'll bust his jaw.

I'll break him in two, you hear?

I'll give him the works.

If you ain't careful,

you're liable to hurt somebody.

Take that as a warning.

You take it and bury it,

maybe it will grow lilies.

- I'll see you later.

- The later, the better.

Tira, can I come in?

Come on in.

See, I just felt I had to talk to somebody.

I'm in a rush, but go ahead and talk.

You look terrible. What's the matter?

Everything is the matter, with me anyhow.

- Barton again?

- Yeah.

That guy is a habit with you, honey.

Why don't you step out?

A change will do you good.

- That's what I'm doing.

- What about Slick?

He's all right. If he kept his hands

out of other people's pockets.

What is it gonna get me

hanging around him?

I got ideas.

Somewhere there's a guy with a million

waiting for a dame like me.

Rajah said so.

Tira, you always have such swell things.

How do you do it on your salary?

It's a gift, honey.

Them beads is pretty.

They are kind of pretty.

He gave me them. Genuine amber.

The beads, I mean.

And these here handkerchiefs,

genuine Madeira.

No, he gave me the pillows.

Here, here's the baby.

He gave me them.

And this here sailor,

he gave me this here jade set...

he got in Shanghai, genuine jade, he said.

Here.

Tira, they're beautiful.

- You like them?

- Yes.

Try them on. If they do something to you,

you can have them.

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