I'm Not Ashamed Page #2

for Rachel to get away

from her friends for a bit.

I'll be. Sometimes I don't know

what I'm gonna do with that girl.

Being at the farm with her cousins

is gonna be good for her.

We have been looking all over for you.

Here I am.

Rach...

you're kind of different this summer.

I just wanted to be alone.

For four hours?

Rachel...

what's really going on?

I just want to help.

Well, you can't.

You would never understand.

Your family's perfect.

No, we're not.

I'm sorry.

It wasn't supposed to be like that.

Sometimes I don't know who I am.

It's not like I'm trying

to do the wrong thing.

I just can't help it.

I used to try so hard

to get it all together,

but... none of that worked.

I had to let God in.

I've done the whole church thing.

I know about Jesus.

I know it sounds crazy,

and it's really hard

to explain, but... it's about

truly living a life for Jesus.

And when you do that, you'll

have this sense of peace.

I don't know.

That's just what worked for me.

Rachel, life can be really hard,

but listen to me,

God does not waste anything,

not even the bad things.

# And everybody's got

a wound to be healed #

# I want to believe #

# There's beauty here #

# How many times

have you heard me cry out #

# "God, please take this"? #

# How many times

have you given me strength #

# To just keep breathing? #

Lord, I'm sorry for everything

that I've done.

Jesus, I ask, forgive me,

and I ask you to come into my life.

Father, use me to be a light to the world.

# Oh, I need you #

# God, I need you now #

# I need you now #

# I need you now. #

Rach, why do you always draw

the same flower?

Why, are you mad

I haven't drawn it for you yet?

I actually am, thank you.

Rachel, I know you've been thinking about

a lot of things, and sometimes it helps

to just write down your thoughts,

so I wanted to give you this.

Thanks, Aunt Bea.

- You're welcome.

- Love it.

God, I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

I'm sorry I didn't trust you.

You know what you're doing,

and you know what's best for me.

From now on,

I put all of my faith

and all of my trust in you.

Hey, Austin.

Oh. Uh, hey, Rachel.

- What a retard.

- Right.

Rachel's got a new... ba-ba-ba-boyfriend.

Not exactly, Sean.

- Ooh...

- Are you jealous, Dylan?

No.

First day of school sucks.

Hey.

- At least the guys have a tan.

- Mm.

Hey, look at these fly girls!

- Brian Riggs!

- What's up?

- Hey! How's football going?

- Hey.

- We're gonna rock this year.

- Well, we'll finally

have something to cheer for, then.

Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, uh, dude, Shep's parents are gone

all semester, so we're gonna have

mad ragers, like, every weekend.

You guys got to come.

- Oh, we'll be there.

- Let us know when.

Yeah, most def.

Hey, uh, this is K.J.

Uh, he just came from California.

Plays linebacker. K.J.,

this is Gabby and Madison.

- Hey.

- What's up?

- Welcome to Columbine.

- Good to meet you.

Let's bounce.

See you around.

See what I mean? Guys don't even see me.

Hey, we're working on it.

Have you talked to Alex yet?

No. But I have drama class

with him sixth period.

Good. This is the time to strike.

- You've got to stay on his radar.

- Totally.

Okay. But I'm not going to be fake.

Girl, you couldn't be fake if you tried.

Dude, you sound like a hyena.

- He looks like a hyena.

- Yeah, seriously, you sound like an idiot.

Let's go! Come on! Get him!

Yo! It's time for dork bowling!

Come on!

Oh!

Strike!

Yes!

I'll kill you, Riggs.

- Oh, I'm so scared.

- Ooh...

Don't look at me.

You got something on your back, yo!

Dude, every time, every time.

I hate those guys.

Just another day at Columbine.

Why does it always have

to be so cliquey here?

I thought it was gonna be

different this year.

One of Hitler's central themes in his writing

is that it was a Nazi's responsibility

to aid evolution by exterminating

less evolved people groups.

In his opinion, that was those

who had different-colored skin,

were religious or were handicapped.

Hitler thought natural selection

should be actively aided.

Come on, dude.

You're never gonna change

what's happening in there.

That's just the way the world is.

Well, I want to change the world.

Okay. Good luck. What's your plan?

Don't know yet.

Do you ever feel like

you can't see your future?

You know, feel like...

like it might be your last year?

No.

Super morbid.

It's not, though.

It's more like...

something big's gonna happen.

Like a chain reaction.

Not sure what that means,

but I'm here for you.

I never made it to class.

Of course you didn't.

Alex Dickerson?

- Really?

- Maybe.

If I work the radar.

Am I gonna lose you

as my prom date already?

I thought that was only

if we couldn't find anyone.

Yeah, well, neither of us have

in three years.

You'll find someone.

Welcome to Advanced Drama.

In this class, you will get

the privilege of creating,

producing and performing the spring play.

Mr. Alex Dickerson here

will be our playwright.

I've got something for you. Hold on.

You know when you meet someone,

and in, like,

the first few minutes

they're, like, a soul mate?

No.

Alex is like that.

He gets me.

It's like he was made for me.

Miss Scott, is there something

that you'd like to share

- with all of us?

- No, not really.

Very nice, Miss Scott.

But this isn't art class.

Uh, theater is one of the six classic

art forms, so I'd argue that...

this is art class.

Brownnoser.

Well, I stand corrected, Mr. Dickerson.

Okay, all of you underclassmen will be

paired with a senior mentor. And...

these papers I just handed you

are your pairings.

I know.

Okay, so, is he still, like, your mentor

- or whatever you call it?

- Yes!

Hey, spazzes. One of you

had better won the lottery.

Alex and Rachel are going to be doing

- drama geek stuff together.

- Oh, this is so perfect.

Okay, he told me that he's gonna be at Shep's

party tomorrow, we have to be there.

Okay.

- Okay! Party!

- Whoo!

Um, can you go get us

some drinks or something?

- Who is that?

- I can't remember his name,

and I feel like it would be

way too awkward to ask now.

Celine...

- you have to be careful. Like, what...

- I'm fine.

- What if he...

- Seriously, I'm fine.

Okay.

Now go do whatever it is you do.

That whole non-fake thing.

- You can do this.

- Okay.

Hey, mentor.

Hey.

Did you have something to do

with us getting paired up?

Must have been the theater gods.

They might have known that I

missed seeing you this summer.

Yeah, I... got grounded

for most of it, so...

You know, there's a lot

going on behind those eyes.

You should try out

for the female lead in my play.

I'd need a good mentor to help

me prepare for the audition.

Bummer. You're out of luck there.

Alex?

- Hey! How are you?

- Hi. Good. How are you?

I'm great.

- I heard you're writing a play?

- Yeah.

I'll see you in class.

Yeah.

See you Monday.

- How are you?

- I'm doing well. How are you?

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