I'm Not Ashamed Page #5

wouldn't give a freak like me a journal.

I'm glad you like it.

I'm gonna draw a lot of pictures.

Good.

- Thank you, guys.

- Yay!

- Did you make a wish?

- I bet she forgot.

Yes, of course.

Happy birthday.

Well, this box isn't

big enough for an Acura.

Exactly.

But it is big enough for the key.

- Oh, my... Thank you!

- You're welcome.

Thanks, Mom!

Now, your mom and I can trust you,

right... not to do something

stupid or illegal with the car?

Yes.

We just want you to be safe.

Pinky promise.

That doesn't even mean anything.

Yes, it does.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

# Your eyes... #

You know, prom's coming up.

Oh, yeah, it is.

What, in like two months?

More like a month.

Hmm.

So where do you think,

like, we are right now?

- In the woods?

- No.

Like... like, in our relationship,

like, where do you think we are?

Oh.

Well, I don't know, I mean,

I feel like what we have is so good,

I-I don't want to mess it up

by putting a title on it, you know?

Yeah.

No, I like it, too.

Just... sometimes it's kind of nice

to know if something's official.

Hmm.

Yeah, I just...

I just don't think you can always

define things with words, you know?

I feel like what we have

is so much stronger

than human constructs like language.

Yeah.

I think we should just

let it be what it is.

And what's that?

A heart connection.

But are we, like, exclusive?

I mean, I know I am.

No, I... I can't imagine connecting

with anyone like we have.

I think I'm ready to take it

to the next level.

A toast.

To the famous actors.

That was so awesome you invited

those kids to Break Thru.

Yeah, they're good kids.

Saw them on the streets every day.

You would've done the same thing.

I wish you had your own phone line.

Pray I won't drink this weekend.

I don't know how to describe it.

I feel numb.

Distant from God.

I don't know why.

I have nothing to complain about.

Everything's going great.

I wish you could tell me

what's going on with you,

'cause I want to try to make it better.

I'm gonna do a lot of praying for you

this week, 'cause, uh, I think you need it.

My passion has sunk to a new low.

I want more.

I ask for a bigger desire

of it, but it's like I'm stuck.

I want to tap into something higher.

I hope you understand what I'm saying,

'cause I don't know how else to say it.

You know, we seek

for answers in a world of lies.

Just don't believe

the lies Satan will tell you.

You feel like God's not watching.

But you're number one in his sight,

'cause believe me,

when you're stuck and you feel

like you can't go any further,

he still believes in you.

Sorry, I got to go to bed now.

Pain, pain, go away.

Come again another day.

Because of you, I'm led astray.

I'm sorry, but it wasn't mine.

Either way, it's not exactly legal to

drive around minors who are drinking.

We trusted you.

Mom, I wasn't drinking.

Maybe you should just quit the play.

Mom, you can't do that.

We're a few days away, and that's

not fair to everybody involved.

You come in smelling like smoke.

Dana says you're not even

going to Break Thru anymore.

What's going on?

I'm fine.

I don't like you going to these parties.

That's where people are

that need light the most.

I'm trying to make an impact.

I think they're impacting you

more than you're impacting them.

I'm gonna take away your keys until

your mom says you can have them back.

Are you serious?

Guys, I didn't do anything.

Don't forget to recycle.

Hey, stranger.

Hey.

I... miss seeing you around.

I know. I'm sorry.

Just been really busy

with the play and stuff.

- Yeah.

- But, hey, opening night's this week.

Are you gonna come?

I wouldn't miss it.

And I got you an Easter present.

Easter?

- Is that not a thing?

- No.

But I'll take it.

Nate...

are you sure?

If it weren't for you and my grandpa,

I don't know where I'd be.

You accepted me for who I am, and...

I want you... I want you to have them.

So sweet.

I love it.

Really.

What's up with the hemp necklace?

It's not really your style.

Alex gave it to me.

Yeah, why don't you bring him around?

I just don't know where I stand

with him right now exactly.

What does he say?

Just that we're gonna finish the play,

and then we'll figure things out.

I mean, is he kissing you

while he figures things out?

Sort of.

"Sort of"?

But most of it's for the play.

Well, is he a Christian?

He's really spiritual.

I thought you said you wanted

a Christian boyfriend.

He really respects my faith.

He just believes in a lot

of things right now.

I don't know why you

mess around with that guy.

You know, out of all people,

I didn't think you would judge him.

I'm-I'm not judging. I'm just...

Uh, Rachel, I think you're being stupid.

You know, I thought I could

talk to you about this.

Well, you can.

For the first time,

someone really wants me.

He makes me feel like I am somebody.

Rach, I think you really

deserve someone better.

He is better.

Places, everyone.

What if we lived in a world

with endless possibilities?

But is that even possible?

- Gosh, Andi, don't be so impossible.

- I'm not!

I'm full of possibilities.

I don't know what you want me to say.

Why not give possibility a chance? Right?

Is there still a chance

we can give this a possibility?

You are so full of it, Jason! I'm done!

I'm never talking to you again!

But that's just it.

We can't be done.

I love you.

Aw...

- Awesome.

- Thank you, Austin.

That means a lot.

Hey, I'm gonna go, but you did awesome.

Bye.

Hey.

Hey, Rach.

Uh...

- Mm.

- Yeah.

You...

yeah, you were real good, you know?

Some of those lines

were a little weird, though.

- Thank you.

- Who's the critic?

Nice suit.

You must be Alex.

Um, Alex, this is Nathan.

Alex wrote the play.

So, what'd you think?

I liked everything about it... except you.

Let's get out of here, Rach.

We're going to Shep's.

Bye, Nate.

Hey.

You better take care of her.

I think Rachel can take care of herself.

I don't know what she needs you for.

Nate, stop it!

What are you doing?

He's like a white hat alumni,

and he can't even dress himself.

I'm so sorry. I...

I've never seen him like that.

I'm not gonna let any negative

energy intrude tonight.

It's time to celebrate.

Let's party, guys!

Now that the play's over, I really

want to figure things out with Alex.

What's there to figure out?

You guys are a thing.

It doesn't totally feel like it.

You missed a button.

Celine, I...

I worry about you

with always having a new...

What?

Leave me alone. I'm just having fun.

You should have some fun, too.

Okay.

Oh, hey-hey, look who we have here.

You know, Madison might have been

the best ballet dancer in the fourth grade,

but Rachel is by far the best actress

- in the school.

- Alex, you're such a spaz.

We produced a hit play!

You look ravishing tonight.

Part of me is glad the play's over.

It's loud. Do you want to...

go somewhere we can be alone?

- I can't do this.

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