I'm Not Ashamed Page #6

- It's okay. Just trust me.

There's dog food in here.

We can go somewhere else.

No. That's not what I'm saying.

Well, I thought you wanted

to take it to the next level.

No, not like this.

I meant a commitment.

I don't even know what we are.

You don't?

After all that we've felt together?

I mean...

just...

be in the moment

and go with those feelings.

Trust me, I... I want what you want.

I'm not so sure.

- I need some space.

- Rachel...

Have you seen Alex?

I thought he was with you.

No, we were making out...

TMI, girl.

I think you should just chill.

No, I have to find him

before things get weird.

Madison?

- Rach...

- What?

- It just happened.

- How could you do that?

You were being kind of high-maintenance.

I just wanted to explain...

why I left and...

what I believe in and...

I don't really respond

to limitations, Rachel.

I told you that this Jesus

freak thing would be an issue.

Wait, are you...? Are you, like, a...

serious Christian?

What, you didn't know that?

Looks like you needed a better boyfriend.

He wasn't my boyfriend.

Then you needed a better mentor.

You don't like me much, do you?

People like you are just

intolerant, self-righteous hypocrites.

That's a pretty intolerant stereotype

to put on millions of Christians.

God's just some outdated

cultural construct.

How can you really believe in some being

up in the sky that you can't even see?

Sometimes you have to see with your heart.

Is this when you try and convert me?

I'm not like that.

I just want to live my life for Jesus

and let people take

whatever they want from that.

That's cool.

You sound more like

a Buddhist than a Christian.

Maybe you should get to know one.

It's second period.

Where's Celine going?

I don't know.

She's a big girl.

Who cares?

I care.

What do you want?

Why aren't you at school?

Just didn't feel like it.

What are you... my parole officer?

No.

Celine, I just wanted to talk.

Who is that?

Look, now's not the best time, okay?

I'll call you later.

Celine... I am sick of ignoring it all

and pretending like

everything's okay with you.

Oh, please, Little Miss Perfect.

How could you possibly understand?

I know what it's like to be in pain.

You don't know anything.

You think you make a difference here?

Well, you don't.

Celine, I'm not trying to fix anything.

You change nothing.

Nate, I wish you were here right now.

I wish I could be numb to the pain,

instead of numb to God

and you and everyone else.

I feel like I'm fading away.

Like I'm beyond repair.

I don't even want

to live through the night.

Things are coming at me

from all different directions,

and they can't be blocked.

There's nothing you can say or do to help.

I know that's hard to hear.

I put this face on as a strong

Christian to everyone but you.

But I'm not like that on the inside.

I'm just not as strong as you.

Words don't seem to help anymore.

Maybe we shouldn't write.

I'm worthless.

I make no difference.

No one notices.

No one understands.

No one cares.

Not even God.

I'm drowning in my own wake of despair.

Choking, my hands

are wrapped around my neck.

I'm dying.

Quickly my soul leaves.

It isn't suicide.

I consider it homicide.

The world you have created

has led to my death.

Hey.

Hey, no, I'm-I'm so sorry.

I don't... I don't know

what's gotten into me lately.

You know, and I... I did not mean

to lose it on that guy, just, I... I was

really just trying to look out for you.

No, no... You were right.

I should've listened to you.

Are you okay?

You kind of saved my life today.

I did?

Yeah.

I wasn't in a good place,

and I just wanted it all to end.

And I thought it was the only way out.

But then I saw your dog tags.

And I was like, "If-if I die,

he's gonna think it's all his fault."

And I didn't want you going through life

thinking it had been all your fault.

'Cause that fight we had.

Okay, you...

I'm-I'm glad you're here.

Me, too.

If you need to talk, you know,

you can... you can talk to me.

I miss my big brother.

Do you want to go inside? I mean,

everyone's gonna be

really excited to see you.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord,

we just thank you right now.

God, we just ask for your...

for your strength over Rachel, Lord.

We just want her to feel

your presence, Lord,

and experience some peace.

God, I just thank you for loving her...

I am not going to apologize

for speaking the name of Jesus.

And I'm not going to hide the light

that God has put in me.

If I have to sacrifice everything...

...I will.

I will take it.

I lost most of my friends at school.

That's kind of weird.

She's spending time

with Jesus or whatever.

What does that even mean?

Now that I've begun to walk

my talk, they make fun of me.

But you know what?

It's all worth it to me.

So, how's everything else going with you?

You know, being betrayed

by your best friend sucks.

But the worst part was that he

didn't know I was a Christian.

Rach, you just got to be you.

I know.

I wasn't being real.

I'm not gonna let that happen again.

Check this out.

Okay.

So, you're not gonna be a...

beer-chuggin', pot-trippin',

cigar-puffin', drug-dealin' Christian?

- No, I'm a God-lovin'...

- Huh?

Satan-slammin', Jesus-freakin',

world-changin' Christian.

Warrior for Christ.

Oh, that's-that's tight.

Well, people aren't gonna

accept us for our faith.

But it's okay.

We have to love and serve them anyways.

And I'm talking compassion, forgiveness.

I mean, if we don't,

what's gonna attract them to God?

So...

what about Madison?

Well, maybe not her.

Come on, Rach!

Oh, the angry ex is coming over.

Madison, can we talk?

What for?

Oh, my gosh.

Would you look at her clothes?

Talk about your thrift store special.

Like, someone else's B.O. is in that.

Madison, when can we talk?

I don't see any real reason to, Rachel.

It is what it is.

I can't help what happened, so...

just... go, all right?

Hey. I'm Rachel.

Wow.

Is that vintage?

Looks great on you.

It's a little too pastel for my taste.

Hi. I'm Celine.

Reagan.

Hey, Rach, look, about the other day,

it's just my mom and her drunk boyfriend.

They're all messed up.

I just didn't want anyone to know.

Celine, I wouldn't tell anybody.

I just worry about you.

Why? I'm, like, the most perfect kid.

You know, my mom would

totally let you stay with us.

We should probably stop ignoring her.

It's gonna be like Oklahoma City,

the L.A. riots and World War II

- all mixed into one.

- Yeah.

Like a video game.

I-I want to leave a lasting

impression on this stupid world.

- Start a chain reaction.

- Yeah.

- Boom!

- Bah!

I've always been drawn to hands.

I think it's because it's

the way that we touch people.

Compassion is the greatest form

of love that humans have to offer.

I have this theory that if one person

can go out of their way

to show compassion,

it could start a chain reaction.

How do you know that trust and beauty

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