I'm Still Here Page #5

can have another chance.

I'm just stuck

in the middle here.

At some point

you have to take it from your little nest

and put it in the world,

you know?

You gotta make it real.

That means going through

whatever

f***ing door you can open.

I'm actually

trying to figure out what realistically

you'd actually do

as the next step.

So you do Vegas,

then you do like Chicago

- or whatever.

- Do Miami or something.

- And then?

- And then Russia.

How f***ing dope.

"The Hollywood Reporter" says

Joaquin Phoenix's musical career

kicks off with an appearance

here in Las Vegas tonight.

Phoenix is trying his hand

at being a rapper

with a CD to be produced by Sean

"Don't call me Diddy" Combs.

After announcing his retirement,

actor Joaquin Phoenix--

former actor that is-- is making

a comeback as a rapper.

Keeping you in the loop,

Las Vegas, the Oscar nominee

picks Vegas for his big rap debut.

He can spend

time up on the back ledge here,

working that entire "T."

Right now we're just waiting for him

to come down do the sound check,

make sure that everything's okay on their end

and we're good to go.

Sound check?

F*** these b*tches.

Piece-of-sh*t catwalk

for a stage?

And then these cocksuckers

want a f***ing free show

so they can just sit in there and watch

sound check? They can suck my dick.

If I forget a lyric

or if I hit a bad note

or my rhythm gets off,

that's on me.

And that's fair.

But why do I have so much pressure

in my f***ing life and everyone else

seems to be having fun

and on a free f***ing ride?

Can y'all hear me down there?

A.J.!

It's a crazy time

and it's real exciting and sh*t.

I'm nervous, but I'm glad

to share it with you.

This is our night.

It's not my night, this is our night.

J.P. is all of us.

Peace!

Joaquin Phoenix!

Left up, right up,

spin yourself around

Knees down, chest down,

f***ing on the ground

Get up, tits out,

shake 'em all around

Get your ass in the game

Left up, right up,

spin yourself around

Knees down, chest down,

f***ing on the ground

Get up, tits out,

shake 'em all around.

- Can I get a refund?

- What?

For this life of sin, let me try it again,

lemme hit it, man

I want my money back,

you know I can do better

If the devil let me off,

I swear to God I'm ready.

Pedal to the metal,

heading for the bay

Checking my lines and sh*t,

just prepping for this play.

"400 gawking tourists

held 400 camera phones

in the air to document

the moment.

Joaquin Phoenix dressed

in literal tatters

looked out at this and must have

- the end.

This is the only explanation

for his amateur pratfall offstage.

We mock our own failures,

as firemen burn a ring

around a wildfire

to prevent it from getting

any closer to the places we live."

But I-- whatever.

All in all, pretty good.

I mean, this one here:

crowd pumping their fists.

"The rumor mills are now buzzing

that Joaquin Phoenix's

retirement from acting

and newfound career as a rapper

is all part of an elaborate hoax

that is being documented

by his brother-in-law Casey Affleck.

That doesn't exactly

put the matter to rest.

According to media reports,

Diddy is producing

Phoenix's rap album.

At first his rep said she was

unaware of his involvement,

but later sent ABC News

an email saying,

'I cannot comment on this

at this time."'

Oh sh*t.

That's so f***ing cool.

Good to see you, man.

What's up?

How's it going? Sit down.

You want some water or something?

Actually yeah. I wanted to talk to you

the last time we were together.

When we were doing

the Nick Adams show?

But all of a sudden out

of nowhere, I turned

and you're telling this reporter

that you're quitting.

This is it. You're not going to do

any more acting

and that your performances

were over

and that you were going

to get into music?

I opened my mouth

and the f***ing words came out.

You know what I mean?

And I didn't expect that.

My music

makes people happy.

You know? And it's not

about whether somebody else likes it

or this person.

I'm not trying to--

you know--

appeal to everyone.

I'm...

You know, it's like...

f***.

To me...

that's me, that's you.

Drops of water.

And you're on top

of the mountain of success.

But one day you start

sliding down the mountain

and you think, "Wait a minute.

I'm a mountaintop water drop.

I don't belong in this valley,

in this river,

this low, dark ocean

with all these drops of water."

Yeah?

And you feel confused.

Then one day it gets hot

and you slowly

evaporate in the air.

Way up-- higher than

any mountaintop,

all the way to the heavens.

Then you understand

that it was at your lowest

that you were closest to God.

Because life's a journey

that goes around and around

and the end is closest

to the beginning.

So it's change you need,

relish the journey.

Be a drop of running water.

Obey those invisible pulls

on your soul--

gravity,

evaporation, love,

creativity.

It's in the darkest

moments

is when the cracks

allow the inner light to come out.

But the spotlights--

don't let you see

the inner light.

But they're--

part of what it's about

is that's what it is--

is it's actually about revealing.

Yeah.

I don't really care

about things in this world.

You know?

That's not how I am.

To me it's all

f***ing illusion.

It's all fear and lust.

What do you fear?

You fear being mediocre.

You know?

You wanna be great.

You want to leave a mark.

I want to leave

something special on earth.

'Cause that's all that matters-- this earth

and what happens on this earth.

"Yes, there are places in the world

where dreams are almost dead.

So please, my child, do keep in mind

before you go to bed

To dream a dream as big

as big could ever dream to be,

Then dream a dream

10 times as big

As that one dream you see.

Then once you've got that dream in mind,

please dream a million more.

And not a million quiet dreams,

a million dreams that roar,

A million dreams

so loud they scream,

So loud they sing and shout!

So super-huge they say,

'Hey, world!

Guess what

I'm dreamin' about.'

I'm dreaming about everything

that no one thought to wonder,

Dreams so big

that they've got dreams

And they got dreams

up under.

And if they say that all your dreams

are too big to come true,

You tell them that I told you,

'That's what dreams

are meant to do!'

They're meant to make you seem

as if you don't know

Up from down,

Because dreams are dreams

And that's why dreams

are worth having around."

Pretty awesome book.

Wait, so you call her

and she says,

"Oh, we're going to the inauguration

and having a ball--"

Maybe after the inauguration

it'd be better.

Did they say that?

Did you ask?

No, because I didn't want to push.

I wanted to find out--

What do you mean push it, dude?

I'm doing him a f***ing favor.

I'm sure after the inauguration

we can go in the studio.

What f***ing planet

do you f***ing live on?

What don't you

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