I Do... Until I Don't Page #4

---

Mm-hmm.

And make sure--

don't go over.

I'm sorry. You said

there's a blue agave plant?

Blue agave cactus.

C-cactus? From mexic--

where do you get that in mex--

it's illegal to import 'em.

Illegal?

But we have a guy.

Yeah.

You guys are the coolest!

Are you kidding me?

You make this thing

out of, like, copper--

so glad you like it.

Where do you meet these people?

He's from

a moon-chanting circle

that we're a part of.

You know, Noah and i

have been approached

to participate

in this sort of avant-garde

documentary study on marriage.

Does anybody

want a refill?

We have?

Yes.

It's this, um, award-winning,

uh, British filmmaker

who's helming the piece,

and I just couldn't turn down

the opportunity to support

her artistic vision.

Oh, we're

doing that too.

Yeah.

No, i-i don't think--

it's probably

a different thing, 'cause--

I don't know what you guys

are talking about.

I haven't heard about this yet.

The lady,

she came by the workshop

and she begged us

to do it because of

our open relationship.

No. That's not possible.

Yeah. What was her name?

Lillian or, uh--

no, love, no.

It was, uh, Gideon.

Gideon.

Gideon.

Vivian!

Her name's Vivian. Prudeck.

Her name's Vivian prudeck.

Yes. Yes.

Yeah.

- When, um-- she's right.

- It was Vivian.

When did sh--

yeah, when did this

come about?

Enough, Noah!

When did she--

no, I think I deserve to know

whatever avant-garde sex games

you signed us up for.

It's not

avant-garde.

I mean--

but I can totally see

why you would think that.

What's that

supposed to mean?

You know what's great?

That we're all gonna do it.

Are we talking about sex?

No! No one's

talking about sex.

You brought sex into it.

It's not like that.

At least we're all

getting paid.

No.

Good. There's money involved.

That we can use. How much?

It's actually quite a lot.

It started out as 5,000.

But then we said

we weren't gonna do it,

so she jacked it up to 10,000.

- Oh, my gosh.

- That's so great.

It's been

such a lovely night.

I'm feeling so tired.

Ten grand?

Are you kidding me?

When were you gonna

tell me about this?

I... was gonna surprise you.

This is huge for us

right now.

I was gonna

surprise you.

I am gonna

sleep well tonight.

Yes.

Get a view of love!

Yeah!

Are you kidding me?

Handcuffs.

After three years

of studying in Chile,

the word that struck me most

was esposa, meaning "wife."

But also, it aptly translates

to mean "handcuffs."

An ancient language

has a message, perhaps.

Marriage

is quite literally jail.

Both parties

are stripped of their freedom.

We are animals, after all.

We are programmed

to maximize our options.

Hot-blooded monkeys.

Monkeys...

In captivity.

Cut.

Okay, Mel, can you

get me out of these,

please? Immediately.

Turn your wrist.

Is it on this side?

Just turn--

stop saying "turn."

Take me out of them.

I'm going to do it.

Just wait there, please,

quietly.

Thank you.

Oh, my g-- what--

can't-- no, I can't--

oh! Oww! Mel, do it!

Okay.

Oh, god, thank you.

Sorry.

Oh, I always

get in a panic

in handcuffs.

- How do you think it went?

- Good?

Tsk-tsk.

What?

You know

what that place is,

right?

It's called

"your welcome spa."

You get me?

They give

handy endings.

I think you mean

happy endings.

Huh.

Well, aren't you

the expert.

Boats! Boats.

Crash. Boats crash.

Boats crashing.

Psssh!

The big spoons!

Life jackets

in the garage!

Oh. Sorry.

Huh? What is this?

Early anniversary.

Is it Anthrax?

I don't know what this is.

I don't--

I don't get it.

I-it's in town.

It's by the gas station.

I'm not gonna sex you

for our anniversary,

so you might as well

get a handy

from a stranger.

That's nice.

You know what?

I could use a bookmark.

We actually have these

in our house.

And they're phenomenal.

They're like--

excuse me.

Well, that's not

humiliating at all.

Did we pay the electric?

Yes, of course we did.

I think. I gotta call Lenny.

We'll just come back!

Yes! Of course.

Thank you, Ms. michaelcheck.

Sh*t.

This is Lenny.

Lenny.

Hey, it's Noah.

Oh, hey.

Just wanted to triple-check

that the shop electric bill

got paid in full?

Oh, god. Why?

Is there a problem?

That's why I'm calling.

We're sitting in the dark.

Ooh, yeah.

I'm looking at it now.

Is there any other

revenue coming in?

I don't know.

The 10 grand

from this documentary thing

should be coming in soon.

That's great.

When's that coming in?

I'll ask my wife. Hold on.

-Lump sum or increments?

-Is the documentary money gonna

be a lump sum or increments?

Um, it's, uh--

i think it's increments.

Yeah.

You know what?

I need to go get

a slushie.

A slushie?

Yeah! I saw an ad

for one earlier.

It was like, oh, god,

the '90s called and it wants you

to quench your thirst.

Marketing, right?

Yeah.

Get me one!

Yeah.

Hold on. Here we go.

Oh, god.

Okay, Alice.

Just...

Bring it back in.

Just bring it back.

Rightnowblinds.Com.

Oh, god.

Okay.

Hacky sack club

cofounder.

Field hockey,

junior varsity,

two years in a row.

Defense.

Defense, Alice.

Defense leads

to offense, Alice.

Lucky listener number seven

could win a dinner for two

at Bonnie's.

Oh, thank you.

All I'm sayin' is,

don't let nobody treat you

like you basic.

You have to embody

your queendom.

All right, lyn.

Hi. Sorry.

Um, I was wondering if...

If I could have

a cigarette, please?

Oh, my god, are you okay?

Lyn, give her a cigarette.

They camels though.

She doesn't care, idiot.

What's wrong with you?

Thank you.

Come here.

It's all good.

We got you, boo.

Ooh, uh--

you okay?

You okay?

Why you cryin'?

Don't be rude, woman.

Jesus!

But you can tell us

if you want to.

Oh, it's, uh--

ugh. It's...

M-money stuff, basically.

Yeah. I feel you.

It's hard out here.

Life is tough as sh*t.

That's why we doin'

what we doin'. Right?

If you strapped,

then we could hook it up.

You look good.

Know what I mean?

We only roll up

pretty b*tches.

You pretty, we pretty.

Like, we could get this

paper together. Right?

Um--

do you get it?

-I'm sorry. I'm not--

-don't be sorry.

That's right.

Never apologize.

Never apologize.

Never apologize.

What's your name?

Um, I'm Alice.

Alice.

I'm Bonnie.

Tell her

your name.

I'm lyn.

She makin' like

she can't talk to nobody.

Hi.

You can call me

bonbon.

We gotta come up

with somethin' cute

for you.

Oh, I don't know.

Like alley cat

or some sh*t, right?

You seem like an alley cat.

That's cute, huh?

Why don't we go inside.

Go inside?

What's

my nickname?

Lyn. You're lyn.

Is that legal?

I-it's 'cause I like you

and I wanna help girls out

when I can.

I don't like

that boys club sh*t.

No, you gotta

jerk the flank

to make that bank.

Gonna get mines,

for word.

I-- I'm flattered.

But I can't, um,

uh, jerk anything

because I'm married.

Oh, you married?

I didn't know!

Whoa!

Yeah, so I can't.

And that's actually how

i got into this mess.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes