I Do... Until I Don't Page #4
Mm-hmm.
And make sure--
don't go over.
I'm sorry. You said
there's a blue agave plant?
Blue agave cactus.
C-cactus? From mexic--
where do you get that in mex--
Illegal?
But we have a guy.
Yeah.
You guys are the coolest!
Are you kidding me?
You make this thing
out of, like, copper--
so glad you like it.
Where do you meet these people?
He's from
a moon-chanting circle
that we're a part of.
You know, Noah and i
have been approached
to participate
in this sort of avant-garde
documentary study on marriage.
Does anybody
want a refill?
We have?
Yes.
It's this, um, award-winning,
uh, British filmmaker
who's helming the piece,
and I just couldn't turn down
the opportunity to support
her artistic vision.
Oh, we're
doing that too.
Yeah.
No, i-i don't think--
it's probably
a different thing, 'cause--
I don't know what you guys
are talking about.
I haven't heard about this yet.
The lady,
she came by the workshop
and she begged us
to do it because of
our open relationship.
No. That's not possible.
Yeah. What was her name?
Lillian or, uh--
no, love, no.
It was, uh, Gideon.
Gideon.
Gideon.
Vivian!
Her name's Vivian. Prudeck.
Her name's Vivian prudeck.
Yes. Yes.
Yeah.
- When, um-- she's right.
- It was Vivian.
When did sh--
yeah, when did this
come about?
Enough, Noah!
When did she--
whatever avant-garde sex games
you signed us up for.
It's not
avant-garde.
I mean--
but I can totally see
What's that
supposed to mean?
You know what's great?
That we're all gonna do it.
No! No one's
talking about sex.
You brought sex into it.
It's not like that.
At least we're all
getting paid.
No.
Good. There's money involved.
That we can use. How much?
It started out as 5,000.
But then we said
we weren't gonna do it,
so she jacked it up to 10,000.
- Oh, my gosh.
- That's so great.
It's been
such a lovely night.
I'm feeling so tired.
Ten grand?
Are you kidding me?
When were you gonna
tell me about this?
This is huge for us
right now.
I was gonna
surprise you.
I am gonna
sleep well tonight.
Yes.
Get a view of love!
Yeah!
Are you kidding me?
Handcuffs.
After three years
of studying in Chile,
the word that struck me most
was esposa, meaning "wife."
But also, it aptly translates
to mean "handcuffs."
An ancient language
has a message, perhaps.
Marriage
Both parties
are stripped of their freedom.
We are animals, after all.
We are programmed
to maximize our options.
Hot-blooded monkeys.
Monkeys...
In captivity.
Cut.
Okay, Mel, can you
get me out of these,
please? Immediately.
Turn your wrist.
Is it on this side?
Just turn--
stop saying "turn."
Take me out of them.
I'm going to do it.
Just wait there, please,
quietly.
Thank you.
Oh, my g-- what--
can't-- no, I can't--
oh! Oww! Mel, do it!
Okay.
Oh, god, thank you.
Sorry.
Oh, I always
get in a panic
in handcuffs.
- How do you think it went?
- Good?
Tsk-tsk.
What?
You know
what that place is,
right?
It's called
"your welcome spa."
You get me?
They give
handy endings.
I think you mean
happy endings.
Huh.
Well, aren't you
the expert.
Boats! Boats.
Crash. Boats crash.
Boats crashing.
Psssh!
The big spoons!
Life jackets
in the garage!
Oh. Sorry.
Huh? What is this?
Early anniversary.
Is it Anthrax?
I don't know what this is.
I don't--
I don't get it.
I-it's in town.
It's by the gas station.
I'm not gonna sex you
for our anniversary,
so you might as well
get a handy
from a stranger.
That's nice.
You know what?
I could use a bookmark.
We actually have these
in our house.
And they're phenomenal.
They're like--
excuse me.
Well, that's not
humiliating at all.
Did we pay the electric?
Yes, of course we did.
I think. I gotta call Lenny.
We'll just come back!
Yes! Of course.
Thank you, Ms. michaelcheck.
Sh*t.
This is Lenny.
Lenny.
Hey, it's Noah.
Oh, hey.
Just wanted to triple-check
that the shop electric bill
got paid in full?
Oh, god. Why?
Is there a problem?
That's why I'm calling.
We're sitting in the dark.
Ooh, yeah.
I'm looking at it now.
Is there any other
revenue coming in?
I don't know.
The 10 grand
from this documentary thing
should be coming in soon.
That's great.
When's that coming in?
I'll ask my wife. Hold on.
-Lump sum or increments?
-Is the documentary money gonna
be a lump sum or increments?
Um, it's, uh--
i think it's increments.
Yeah.
You know what?
I need to go get
a slushie.
A slushie?
Yeah! I saw an ad
for one earlier.
It was like, oh, god,
the '90s called and it wants you
to quench your thirst.
Marketing, right?
Yeah.
Get me one!
Yeah.
Hold on. Here we go.
Oh, god.
Okay, Alice.
Just...
Bring it back in.
Just bring it back.
Rightnowblinds.Com.
Oh, god.
Okay.
Hacky sack club
cofounder.
Field hockey,
junior varsity,
two years in a row.
Defense.
Defense, Alice.
Defense leads
to offense, Alice.
could win a dinner for two
at Bonnie's.
Oh, thank you.
All I'm sayin' is,
like you basic.
You have to embody
your queendom.
All right, lyn.
Hi. Sorry.
Um, I was wondering if...
If I could have
a cigarette, please?
Oh, my god, are you okay?
Lyn, give her a cigarette.
They camels though.
She doesn't care, idiot.
What's wrong with you?
Thank you.
Come here.
It's all good.
We got you, boo.
Ooh, uh--
you okay?
You okay?
Why you cryin'?
Don't be rude, woman.
Jesus!
But you can tell us
if you want to.
Oh, it's, uh--
ugh. It's...
M-money stuff, basically.
Yeah. I feel you.
It's hard out here.
Life is tough as sh*t.
That's why we doin'
what we doin'. Right?
If you strapped,
then we could hook it up.
You look good.
Know what I mean?
We only roll up
pretty b*tches.
You pretty, we pretty.
Like, we could get this
paper together. Right?
Um--
do you get it?
-I'm sorry. I'm not--
-don't be sorry.
That's right.
Never apologize.
Never apologize.
Never apologize.
What's your name?
Um, I'm Alice.
Alice.
I'm Bonnie.
Tell her
your name.
I'm lyn.
She makin' like
she can't talk to nobody.
Hi.
You can call me
bonbon.
We gotta come up
with somethin' cute
for you.
Oh, I don't know.
Like alley cat
or some sh*t, right?
You seem like an alley cat.
That's cute, huh?
Why don't we go inside.
Go inside?
What's
my nickname?
Lyn. You're lyn.
Is that legal?
I-it's 'cause I like you
when I can.
I don't like
that boys club sh*t.
No, you gotta
jerk the flank
to make that bank.
Gonna get mines,
for word.
I-- I'm flattered.
But I can't, um,
uh, jerk anything
because I'm married.
Oh, you married?
I didn't know!
Whoa!
Yeah, so I can't.
And that's actually how
i got into this mess.
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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