I Do... Until I Don't Page #5

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I told my husband that

we're making a bunch of money

doing this movie,

and, uh, we're not

making a bunch of money,

but he's counting on it.

So I've lied to him

and I can't tell him because--

stop, stop, stop, stop.

That's why we're gonna

hook you up.

-I never thought you'd do porn.

-You got a couple choices. Okay?

We get big money up in here

'cause clients know

our gorgeous girls

are between

the ages of 18 and 21.

Oh, well,

I'm actually 34, so--

you 21 now.

You can either do

a massage and ball-cupping

for 142 bucks,

a topless massage,

no balls, for 175,

a massage and a handy

for 375,

or topless massage

with a ball-cupping

and handy for 499.

I only take 23% commission

'cause lebron is my man.

Hey, hey, 23!

-Yeah. Free throws.

-Thank you, but--

I commute from port St. lucie

'cause vero dick pays sick.

This b*tch

is from port St. lucie.

I made almost 2 g's

in tips yesterday

'cause dudes

was feelin' guilty as sh*t.

-Yeah, 'cause it was Thursday.

-Thursday be some crazy sh*t.

Is everybody horny

on Thursday?

I guess so.

Hump day?

Sweetie, come here.

You wanna see how smart

your husband is?

Can you please

not park that damn thing

in the middle of the driveway?

My stomach is not well.

I had burrata for lunch.

Turn the--

turn the television on.

Gonna have to

strip down for this.

Why do i

eat cheese?

I remember her eyes, you know.

Her eyes, they tore me apart.

And then they drew me back

for more.

She was glistening,

and I knew

i was in trouble,

because I never wanted

to look away from her again.

And that was

the first time we'd ever

been to a sex club.

That's right.

Nine years ago.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I didn't even know

that normal people went to them.

Yeah, 'cause, you know,

it's about activism. You know?

It's about actions.

We have a child together.

Actions.

We don't need to be married

just because we exist together.

We are together.

Therefore socially

recognized as together.

And it's about

communication.

Yeah.

That's the key to any

good relationship, I think.

It's not just

an open relationship.

Yes.

It's how you communicate.

Yeah. If it's not open,

then it's closed.

Yeah. And you don't

wanna be closed.

When you talk about

an "open" relationship,

how often do you sleep

with other people?

All the time.

It's a constant.

Never stops.

It's a part

of our life.

Take me through a "constant" day

of sleeping with other people.

How does that--

why don't we take a tour

of the shop? You still

haven't seen what we do here.

Shall we talk about this.

Just quickly do this bit first?

And then I'd love to see the--

and this is

our baby.

Yes!

Free thinkers

workshop.

This is how

we pay the rent.

And through Zander's

illustrations, of course.

He does this bunny--

wiesman,

the Jewish bunny rabbit.

I'm working on

a children's book

about how wiesman

struggles on easter.

-It's about tolerance

and acceptance, communication.

-That's true. Yes.

Just stop recording.

It's a total waste of time.

Come see this!

-Gideon, follow us. Come on.

-It's Vivian.

This is our collection

of vintage sidecars.

We're refurbishing them,

remodeling them,

giving them new life.

It's great, right?

It's a philosophical choice.

Wow.

So, is this how

you pay rent on this place?

Yeah, and-- and my--

my father runs

a hedge fund.

Ow!

Come look at this!

Hello.

Hi.

And your welcome.

All right. Uh...

Is it your

first time here, sir?

It is, yes.

I got, um--

i-i...

I have this.

Okay.

It was a gift.

Mm-hmm.

But, uh--

would you like

a massage?

Yeah. Okay.

I'd like a massage.

I would.

'Cause my neck-- I have--

i have this stiffness.

Stiffness.

No, no.

Pain. Pain.

I have neck pain.

I would love to massage--

to massage that.

Because we also have

special massage--

the massage plus,

the massage total,

and, of course,

the massage total plus.

Sounds all

kinda the same,

uh, to me.

I-i-i, uh--

about the massage plus--

it's 142. It's the one

with the ball-cupping only.

But I can explain each one.

No, no need. Why don't we

just do what we talked about.

The massage plus?

Right this way.

- Ow! Ow!

-Ohh! Sorry.

Oh, um, your welcome.

Your welcome.

What is that?

-What is this?

-There's cupping service.

-No, this is an actual cup.

-For cupping.

-You don't cup with a cup.

-Cup. Cupping. Cups.

Stop saying "cup."

I'd like to leave now.

No, please

don't go, sir.

This is not pleasurable.

-I'm just not that athletic.

-What does that have to do

with anything?

-My forearms are very weak.

It's hereditary.

-Wh-what?

Lacrosse is more of a hand-job

kind of cupping sport.

Stop talking. Take a breath.

-And stop.

-Okay.

- Good lord.

-I'm sorry.

Could you-- would you

hand me my shirt, please?

Sure. Yes. Oh, yes.

Here.

Um, this one or--

just--

-sorry. I think I got oil on it.

-That is literally

the least of my problems.

How old are you?

Twenty-one.

You're 21?

Really.

Why? You think

i look old?

No, you don't

look old.

But you don't look 21.

Well, I'm 30.

That I believe.

I'm 34.

I believe 34.

Could I ask you a question?

Why are you doing this?

I lied to my husband

about money,

and I'm just

bailing myself out.

So you're married?

Yes, I'm-- yeah.

Are you?

Mmm. Barely.

Marriage is the best thing

that ever happened to us.

When we first met at tulane,

in the cafeteria,

she was a freshman,

i was a senior,

and I'll never forget it.

She was going to town

on this bowl of olives,

and I said--

i was trying to be flirty--

"uh, olives is not lunch."

And she said,

"they is to me."

Well--

and so I said, uh,

"I'm Noah."

And she said,

"i know-uh."

So we laughed and...

The rest is history.

It can be hard though, too,

you know, marriage.

Just-- we struggle a lot.

We have a lot of struggles.

Interesting.

-How do you struggle?

-We're trying to get pregnant.

Yeah.

But we can't.

-Well, that's not entirely true.

-Yes, it is.

We don't know yet.

We're just--

we're trying.

- We have sex very rarely.

And when we do,

we sort of fail at it.

Y-you fail at--

at sex stuff.

-What?

-All of it, really. Everything.

No, we don't.

At least

i never thought we did.

I always wanted

to be an artist.

You wanted to work

in advertising,

so that's-- it's--

that's still...

A very creative position.

Not exactly the same.

You never said

you wanted to be an artist.

Well, we had a deal.

We had a break.

Remember, we had a break.

Yeah, we took some time off.

A long break because he was

waiting for me to graduate.

And the deal was that

we were going to go to New York.

I was gonna get a chance,

finally, to pursue my career.

We were gonna start new there.

You know,

it would've been great.

Uh, but my father passed away.

His father passed away.

And I had to take over, so--

and then after,

i thought we could--

so we came back.

Now Alice runs all the ad sales,

marketing, and graphic design--

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