I Do... Until I Don't Page #8

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talk to me about.

Let's clear up this Fanny thing.

Okay. I would like

to do that.

Let's just settle this,

'cause there's something

you need to know

about your sister Fanny.

What?

She's great, but...

In the way

that llamas are great.

They're cute in pictures

and maybe they're fun to feed,

but I don't want one in my house

because they spit a lot.

I'm serious.

The best thing

Fanny's got going for her

is Zander and zenith

and that she's got you

for her sister.

Other than that,

she kind of smells

like a combination

of ear wax and oregano.

I love you, Noah.

I love you too, al.

Future mother

of our children.

Noah.

I don't want to have a baby.

What?

I-- I just feel like

I'm putting

all this frantic energy

into trying to get pregnant,

and i--

the truth is

it just really makes

my stomach hurt.

I only wanted to have a baby

because it's what you wanted

and because it's so obviously

what we're meant to do.

But i--

I'm sorry.

So sorry.

I mean, that's hard

for me to hear.

I know.

Noah.

Please don't

divorce me.

Please.

Because then Vivian

wins, right?

What?

Okay, wait. First of all,

that British jerk has

nothing to do with us.

And second of all,

we're not getting

a divorce.

Okay?

Yeah. Okay.

Now, I admit,

i want to have kids,

and i-- I want

to have them with you.

But when we got married,

we promised

to walk through the mud

and the light together.

And I meant it.

So I gotta process this,

but I'm not going anywhere.

Okay. Nice to hear.

Now, I have to ask you

a very important question.

Anything.

Okay.

Do you, Alice brewing,

promise to extract us

from this toxic horror show

of a documentary,

for richer or for poorer?

I do.

Okay.

I'm here.

I'm gonna take a shower

before we get started.

So I won't be a second.

All right, baby.

I have to finish this--

welcome home.

Hi. Hi, hi.

Guess who's here.

Hi, mom.

Milly?

-Holy sh*t!

-I'm pregnant.

Well, I'm not an idiot,

milly!

This is precisely why

i didn't tell you.

I'm your mother,

for Christ's sake.

Oh, my god.

I knew you'd flip your lid,

mom, which clearly you are.

-And how long?

How far along are you?

-Nine months.

-Nine months?

-Nine months.

-Nine months.

Oh, my god, milly.

You're so beautiful.

You better sit down.

Harvey, can you get her

a chair?

-She's got a couch. She's fine.

-Get her a chair.

Mom, you have to calm down.

Just calm-- no, stop it.

Stop it! Stop it!

This is why I don't

tell you anything!

What do you mean?

-Harvey can tell you.

We talk about it.

-Did you know about this?

-No.

-I've been working my ass off

preparing for this damn thing.

-I'm broke.

-I'll help you.

I don't need your help.

This crazy lady is paying me

$500 to be here.

How dare you pay her

only $500?

You're paying everybody else

way more than that!

No, 'cause I also

paid for her bus fare.

That was nice.

They got the bus fare.

- You made her take the bus?

- Oh, boy.

-A bus.

-Here we go.

In her condition.

You made her take a bus

in her condition?

Mom, it was fine.

What kind of barbarian

are you?

-It's fine. Stop it.

-I don't know what kind

of tricky piece of magic

you're trying to conjure up here

with your horseshit

reality show.

-I don't know,

but I'll tell you something.

-It's kind of sexy.

Pack up the cameras.

Pack up your lesbian and get

the f*** out of my house!

Can you just calm down, please?

No!

Turn that off!

A bus!

- Hello?

Hello! Hello!

Oh. Oh, shoot! Coming!

Sorry.

Hi.

Hey.

Sorry, sister.

I didn't hear you

knocking.

Normally

zenith hears it.

Come on in.

Hi. Hello.

Should I, uh--

yeah.

Do you want--

yeah, sit down.

I just can't breathe

unless there's incense,

you know?

Um... so, i-i--

i just want to apologize

to you, Fanny.

When I think of you--

when i-- you know--

what?

I'm sorry.

It's just so loud.

Could we tell them

to just take five

or smoke something?

Of course. Yeah, sorry.

Thank you.

From when you lived

in Lithuania?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So cool. Um--

I just want you to know

that...

Even though you are

my younger sister,

I have always

looked up to you.

I mean, you are so good

at making life

just exciting,

you know?

And... strange

and wonderful.

You're like

my life spirit animal,

you know?

I love that.

It's true.

-I love that.

-Noah and I will never be

as effortless as you.

You know, probably 'cause

we could never handle

having multiple

sexual partners

in our relationship.

Um, can I just--

yeah.

If I wanted to do heroin,

I have the means and resources

to do heroin.

Wait, what?

When did you do heroin?

Zander and i

could do heroin,

but we choose

not to do heroin.

That's why

we don't do heroin,

is because

we choose not to.

Well, that's great.

I mean, 'cause it's

a really dangerous drug.

Heroin being the metaphor

for cheating.

Oh!

Yeah, we don't cheat.

You don't cheat.

What?

We don't cheat.

See, that was such

an interesting way

to say it.

It would have been easier

if you just said it.

It was quite a reach.

Oh! Does Vivian know that?

I feel like--

oh, screw that bloodsucker.

Why? You don't

like her anymore?

She was trying

to seduce Zander,

and he wouldn't let her.

She fired us.

What?

Yeah.

That's crazy.

She came over here

and kissed him.

No. Stop.

She kissed him

on the mouth.

Oh, my god.

Fancy lady blouse.

I really thought

that she was one

of the great people.

She was picking up

on some dark energy.

You're good

at reading juju.

I know, right?

Oh, my gosh. She's terrible.

You need to get revenge.

I know.

What are we gonna do?

Hey.

Hey.

So glad you got to have

a proper shower.

I just-- I made you

some sleepy time tea.

Thank you.

And I, uh--

I put some milanos

there too.

You didn't

have to do that.

Yeah.

And...

It's very good.

I know.

Tomorrow night,

if you like,

we can make

some artichokes.

I'm probably gonna go back

to Miami first thing.

-Oh.

-So...

May I ask

who the lucky father is?

-Quilton.

-Is that a real name?

-Yeah.

-Well, he--

he sounds nice.

Yeah, he's super nice.

He's in jail.

For what?

For walking his dog

without a leash.

Oh, well, that seems

a little harsh.

Yeah, well, he has a lot

of tattoos all over,

so he gets arrested

for stupid stuff

all the time,

and then we don't have

enough money to bail him out.

Well...

Nice to see

he has a dog.

Yeah.

Oh, milly, why don't you

just--

stay here

for a few weeks?

Maybe until

the baby comes even.

See, I can help you

with everything.

I'm sure quilton would

understand that your mom wants

to care for you right now.

That's okay.

He'd get that.

No, no. We have a plan,

and it's your anniversary.

You don't want your pregnant

daughter running around,

ruining the mood.

No, I do. I do.

The mood is fine.

The mood is--

it's good.

Mom, he's stuck in jail,

and he's not gonna see

the baby come.

I can't just sit here

in your guest room,

eating milanos and drinking tea

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