I Do (But I Don't) Page #5

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Hey, all right.

Enough, enough.

I have to hang around till their parents

get here. Mind hanging out?

-No, not at all.

-Good. I promise you...

...it'll be worth the wait.

In the meantime...

...who wants to play tag?

You're it.

-Careful.

-Thank you.

Wow.

So this is worth the wait?

All right. Humor me for a second.

The last time I humored you,

I ended up with a sprained ankle.

-Watch your step. Watch your step.

-Thank you.

Can you tell I'm not

a huge fan of surprises?

Yeah.

Why not?

Surprises can be the nicest part of life.

Speak for yourself.

Wow!

This is amazing.

You think?

I discovered this place

putting out a fire in this building.

I came up here to get some air,

and I just--

-I just couldn't believe how beautiful it was.

-It's gorgeous.

So you ready to eat?

I don't wanna leave yet.

Oh, okay.

In that case...

...we don't have to.

I hope you don't mind

dining alfresco.

For a guy who doesn't

like to plan ahead...

...this certainly required

a lot of forethought.

I bet you even had

to make a list.

Yes, I did.

But it was definitely worth it.

-Glass of wine?

-I would love one. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Cheers.

To surprises.

I can't believe how beautiful this is.

Yeah.

You know, I'm really

glad you came tonight.

I was starting to think

you weren't interested at all.

Well, actually, there's a reason

why I've been so standoffish.

I thought you and Darla were together.

Isn't that crazy?

It's not that crazy.

Darla and I did go out.

-You were a couple?

-No. No.

We had two dates.

It was nothing.

It was just really weird

seeing you together at the bar.

She was hanging all over you.

Darla is just a big flirt, okay?

And we were not together.

Jay was supposed to meet us...

...but he got stuck at work.

Lauren, I don't play games.

I'm a very straight-up guy.

Honesty is very important to me.

And Darla.

She's just not my type.

What is your type?

Well, all right.

Starting with the basics: Female.

Nonsmoker, preferably

no prison record.

Unmarried. You don't wanna deal

with those pesky husbands.

Intelligent...

...sensitive...

...slightly obsessive-compulsive.

Incredibly beautiful.

You know.

Someone like you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Are you gonna run away

if I try to kiss you again?

This is my apartment.

It's very nice.

-Sorry.

-It's okay.

It's a little messy.

You know...

...you never told me

what your type was.

Well, I'm looking

for someone who's smart...

...funny...

...trustworthy.

Would you settle for me instead?

I am talking about you.

Stop right there.

I'm making a citizen's arrest

and ordering you back to bed.

I'm late for work.

I'll write you a note.

Come on.

Clothes are the enemy.

Mind if I pick that up?

I just had it dry-cleaned.

At Chez Corina, we leave

our baggage at the door.

Yeah, and apparently,

everything else on the floor.

Can you handle that?

-I can try.

-Okay.

I think I have something...

...that might help you.

I meant to give this to you

last night, but I forgot.

A rock?

I thought when a girl got a rock,

it was in the form of a ring.

That's not a rock. That's a stone.

That's a worry stone.

Whenever you feel really stressed,

you just rub your worries away.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

That's so sweet.

-I'll stay for a few more minutes.

-Okay.

Sorry I'm late.

G?

Is anyone in there?

I have a weapon!

Snickers!

Why do you hate me?

"Gone to Atlanta,

wedding convention.

Please take King Snickers

to doggy daycare."

Great.

Lauren? Hi there.

I'm Lynda Tedanski,

Darla's mother.

Hi. It's so nice to meet you.

Likewise.

Oh, what an adorable little dog.

Oh, he's a real charmer.

Hello.

I'll set him out here,

and we'll go in there and talk.

Yeah.

Please, come on in.

Have a seat.

Oh, please. Excuse me.

That chair's actually

a little more comfortable.

Thank you.

Yes, that's better.

Okay.

So about the seating chart.

Your mother wanted to sit

with her bingo friends.

And I actually have them all

sitting together at table 20.

Is everything okay, Mrs. Tedanski?

Actually, no.

I'm not sure it's appropriate

to tell you this.

-Troubleshooting is what we pay you for.

-Right.

Let me first say that Darla

is a wonderful girl.

Oh, yes, of course.

She's just always had

a bit of a wild streak.

But I thought since she got engaged....

I saw one of the groomsmen

at my daughter's yesterday.

Oh, Mrs. Tedanski.

There's nothing unusual about that.

-Naked.

-With Darla?

Were--? Were they...?

Do you, by chance,

know which groomsman it was?

I only saw the back of his head...

...but I think it was his brother.

-Nick?

-Yes. The one she used to date.

But that's impossible.

With Darla, anything's possible.

So you think that Darla and Nick are--?

Are having an affair?

I'm afraid so.

I just don't know what to do.

Neither do I.

I told Bonnie it was an emergency

and she had to meet me at the bar.

Even though it was happy hour,

there was nothing happy about it.

It makes sense, right?

I decide to trust men again,

and look what happens.

-I'm such an idiot.

-No, you're not.

-Can I buy you a drink?

-Why?

So you can lull me into a false sense

of security and break my heart? No, thanks.

Never mind.

-Too harsh?

-Just a little.

I mean, in Nick's defense...

...Mrs. Tedanski said she

only saw the back of his head.

She said it was the brother.

How many brothers does he have?

One. I think.

I don't wanna jump to conclusions.

I don't want you to fall for another Brad.

Trust me.

Nick is definitely not Brad.

Or maybe he is.

He said he wasn't like his brother,

but who knows.

-I don't know what to believe.

-What does Nick have to say?

I don't know.

-I've been avoiding his calls.

-You should give him a chance to explain.

I'm tired of second chances.

Hello?

Is anybody there?

I'm in here.

-Hi, Lauren.

-Oh, hi, Darla.

I was working on your table

for the reception.

-What do you think?

-It's fine.

Because if you don't like it,

I could--

Forget about the table.

I wanna get married sooner.

-How much sooner?

-This Saturday.

Why can't you wait

the extra two weeks?

Because I just can't.

Listen, Darla, if I'm gonna go

through the huge inconvenience...

...of moving up your wedding...

...I need a better reason

than you "just can't."

I'm pregnant.

Well, I'm sure Jay

will make a great dad.

It isn't his.

-Excuse me?

-I said, the baby isn't his. Okay?

Whose is it?

Darla, whose is it?

It's his brother's.

What the hell is wrong with you?

You've got everything,

and you're throwing it all away?

You think because you were born

with a silver spoon...

...it gives you the right to treat people

the way you do? I've got news:

Being privileged doesn't

make you entitled.

Are you finished yet?

No, I am not finished...

...because I haven't

answered your question.

No, Darla, I will not move up

your wedding...

...because, frankly, I think this

is part of your latest scheme.

So fire me.

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