I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore Page #4

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I got pretty good with the steamer.

- Mmm.

- Could do smiley faces, winking faces.

Certain kinds of centaurs, oak leaves,

snowmen, diagram of an atom.

- Wow.

- Flaming swords, Kevin.

- Quite a skill.

- Do you know...

- Hmm?

- Christian's whereabouts

the day before yesterday?

Oh, well...

Honey, I barely know his whereabouts

any day.

But... he does have a job?

Well, some would say that's all he has.

- What's he do?

- Mmm.

Um...

Lawyer, you know.

Is he, uh... Is he in his van now?

Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no.

That's Chris Junior you're talking about.

Yeah, Christian got him that van

for his 16th if he got all B's.

He flunked, but he got to keep it anyway.

Just sayin'.

Do you know where your son is now?

Ooh, whoa. Stepson.

I have no idea where he is.

He got into drugs.

He was in jail a little bit for that.

And then he started hanging around

with all the people he met in there.

Bunch of creeps.

His father recently cut him off.

Canceled his ATM cards, everything.

You know, TMI...

Chrissy always made me kinda nervous...

even before all that.

Did you ever see The Omen?

That little kid.

Never know.

- He'd just throw you down the stairs.

- The hell is this?

Oh! Well, the police

are asking about Chrissy.

Is that your sh*t box out front?

- Yes, but...

- Hands!

Put 'em up, now.

Oh, people. Can you...

- Don't move.

- Oh, my God.

- Clear!

- Of course it's clear.

- Meredith.

- What?

- Are you retarded?

- What?

Don't you dare use the R word around me!

- Master bedroom, clear!

- Those are not police.

Yeah, I know that.

- Then why are you talking to them?

- Because I'm f***ing bored!

Massage room, clear!

You are lucky all we're doing is talking.

Don't flatter yourself, baby.

Walden Pond room, clear!

Well, I guess I will just get some soda

for the rug.

We're all clear.

Come home to this sh*t.

Okay. Who...?

- Who are you?

- I invoke the Fifth Amendment.

My name is Ruth...

And why are you here?

Your son broke into my house

and stole my stuff.

Knock it off!

Well, what...

What does that have to do with me?

I thought he lived here.

So you impersonate cops, why?

To find him in case he wasn't here.

To what end?

To confront him.

How dare you. Wah, wah. Like that?

Yeah. Yes. Exactly.

You can't do that to people.

You say that like it means something.

Look, I don't condone my son's behavior,

but anyone can do anything

if you let them.

Huh?

Welcome to the world.

I see why he turned out like he did.

You have kids?

Uh-uh. So you have no idea

what you're talking about, do you?

Christian has had more advantages

and opportunities

than 99.9% of the people on this planet.

And that's because of me.

So don't come to me

with this nature-nurture horseshit.

All right? How much?

I don't want a payoff.

Well, then I'm confused. What do you want?

For people to not be a**holes.

Mm-hmm.

Well, you know, it's probably gonna stain.

- Are you gonna shoot us?

- Don't be so goddamned dramatic.

Then we'll leave.

Thanks for the cappuccino.

The foam was amazing.

You are very welcome.

You can tell yourself

you've done something here,

if that'll help.

Really took a stand.

You know what? Guys like that,

that's just unhappiness eating 'em up.

You ought to feel sorry for him.

What are you doing?

No, no, not the giraffe. Not the giraffe!

Put it... Put the tiger down.

Ruth, no, no. No, no, no.

- Ruth, you gotta put that back.

- I'm taking him.

Why?

The f***?

I mean, f*** it. Let's just... do this.

He's finally there now.

I'm not doing a damn thing

until I know their piece in this.

They're on us yesterday, they're here

today. She's ripping up yard art.

You're gonna tell me

you're comfortable with that?

- No.

- Wha...?

We already got the security guy

to think about.

You wanna walk into some kind of dog f***?

Okay.

- Fine. What am I supposed to do about it?

- F***.

Jesus.

- Jesus. F***ing Christ.

- Shut up.

- Don't f***ing throw bottles at me.

- Shut up.

- F*** you.

- Both you, shut up.

What?

What do you mean, what?

What's your problem?

That's not your lawn tiger.

- Did you hear that guy?

- I heard him.

But he's not the one

that robbed your house,

and that's not your lawn tiger.

- If I'd known that this was gonna be...

- I get it.

- You know, the objective...

- I get it.

- Of the mission...

- I get it.

- I wouldn't have participated.

- I get it.

Thanks for the backup in there.

The ba...?

All I've done is back you up.

Till now.

That's not your lawn tiger.

Yeah, yeah. What would Jesus do, right?

Tony...

What'd you tell my dad?

No...

Oh, f***.

Oh, f...

- She's calling, she's calling.

- I see it, I see it.

Hi. I just... Someone broke into my house.

He came out...

You have such beautiful black little eyes.

Okay.

He just ran right out.

What happened?

Some idiot ran in front of a bus.

Ruth?

Ruth?

You got it?

No, no, no, no, no!

You carry this one, okay?

- Why?

- 'Cause we're shorthanded.

Which is on you.

I just... It's not gonna...

I think I should just stay here.

I'm gonna be so quiet.

I promise you, okay?

No, this is what's gonna happen.

You're gonna carry this gun,

you're gonna get them to open the door.

When they come to the door, point

the gun at 'em so they don't do anything.

I am not gonna be good at that.

We get what we need,

and we get out, and that's it.

How do I know that you're not gonna...?

You know that I will if you don't.

It's karma. For Chrissy.

Yes?

Yes?

Hi, it's... it's Ruth again. Sorry.

Please don't do anything.

I'm compliant.

Why? Why, why, why? Don't.

Stop.

- You.

- I'm so sorry.

- This is... This is not my fault.

- You took my tiger.

- Yes, I did do that, but...

- You're pointing a gun.

- I know, I know, but...

- Shut up!

Meredith, do what they say.

- Stop, stop. Don't. Stop!

- Sit the f*** down.

- Stop.

- Oh, my...

Don't do that.

Okay.

- This is unbelievable.

- Where is he?

He's sleeping one off.

Call him.

You know, if you're here for what you

think you're here for, your timing stinks.

Meredith, be quiet.

Call him.

Oh, just do it. Please. Please.

Just... please. Please call him. Please.

Oh, Chris!

Chris!

What?

Come here!

For what?

Come... here!

Is Christian here?

- No.

- His van's parked out front.

Say something. Say something.

I don't know.

Uh, maybe he's waiting for you

to come outside.

You know he doesn't like me too much.

Cesar?

Shh. Don't answer.

What the f*** is going on?

Okay. Everybody, just hold it.

Stop doing that.

Jesus. Wow.

I know you.

Marshall, right?

Your name is Marshall!

You were at one

of Chrissy's hearings last year.

Go ahead. Get in the fireplace.

What...? What did he tell you?

That I keep cash around here, huh?

I haven't seen him in months.

You amateurs, it's not even here anymore.

Bullshit.

Get in the fireplace.

Chrissy told us about the iron in there,

so don't even try that sh*t.

You got it all mapped out.

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