I Know What I'm Doing Page #5

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room at the main house.

And you'd be a burden

on the resources here.

You're right, Major.

We cannot live on trout alone.

We can jolly well try, though.

You catch these?

The under keeper, Thorpe.

Good man.

I'll cook 'em up.

Saves queuing at the fish

and chip shop, old boy.

You lump o' Yorkshire.

Sulking, are we?

I never sulk, Bri.

I meditate.

Did you learn that on your travels then?

I've had time to ponder

while being shot at.

Surely together we could

turn this place around.

Bring it into the modern age.

What do you suggest?

Get rid of the rich tenant?

And his wife-to-be?

It's an idea.

We could start a trout farm.

I'm not sure we're ready

for you to rule the roost

just yet, Geoffrey Howden.

Why not?

How can you manage the estate

if you won't even step into the big house?

I'm working on that.

Good.

Let me know when you've

solved the problem.

Claxton, can we stop in the village?

Did you need something

from shop, my lady?

No.

All I can think about is gardening,

making babies, and playing Bridge.

I need a drink.

(speaking with heavy accent) Stanley?

(laughing)

I would like a gin and tonic,

please, make it a double.

Claxton?

Oh, a soft drink, please.

I'll get this, my lady.

Oh, thank you.

I'm going to sit over here for a while

if that's all right.

I'll be with the lads if you need me.

I think it's time to call Caldwell.

Aye.

All right, Stanley.

I'll let him know.

Stanley asked if you could

go down to the Castle Inn

right away.

Bother it, Bri, I was

going to thrash the Major.

Poppycock.

He said it was a matter for His Lordship

and it was urgent.

See that, Major?

I get my feet under the table

and I am sent out abroad.

Geoffrey, be off with you.

[Stanley] I put a fiver on it.

I don't want to talk about that,

I want to know what

Shelley wearing tonight.

You'll have to wait and see, won't you?

Evening, boys.

Eyup, Caldwell.

You all right?

I'd like to get changed

and pick up Shelley.

She'll bite me head off I

don't bring her to dance.

Lady's over there.

Carry on, boys.

You all right?

Why are the British

always asking each other

if they're "all right"?

Because you don't look all right.

Well I am perfectly fine.

Gin and tonic never harmed a girl.

You have no idea the

vast amounts of alcohol

women consume on a daily

basis in New York City.

Or here in Caldwell.

I have had

a few drinks and they won't take my money.

They couldn't change

a 50 pound note here

from one month to the next.

People are quite poor here.

No, just short of money.

Same thing, isn't it?

No, quite different.

Oh, well, in America it's the same.

We don't have a class system.

Over there you'd just be poor.

Why do you think you're

quite so important?

What's made you so calculating and cold?

I beg your pardon?

Are you interested in

anything other than yourself?

It's an act, isn't it,

all your airs and graces?

It's not an act at all.

I've worked hard my entire life,

I have earned every single

air and grace I've got.

Well, if it's not,

you are quite the most

proper woman I have ever met.

I have morals, Mr. Howden.

I do believe you have.

It is quite remarkable.

Do I detect a note of admiration?

A tone of disbelief.

In this age of celebrity and headlines

there is still a woman in

Britain who has morals?

Yes, there is.

Well, I'm damn glad to hear it.

Have we finished disagreeing now?

I believe so.

I've told the boys to have the night off.

So...

You will have to come with me, now.

Where are we going?

I thought you always

knew where you were going,

Ms. Bennett?

(lively music)

("Scarborough Fair")

Whose party is this?

Cheer up, this is your wedding band.

Oh, I know this song, my

mum used to play it for me

all the time when I was a little girl.

Scarborough Fair.

Yes.

Paul Simon.

I'm afraid he stole it.

It's an old Yorkshire love song,

about the impossible

things lovers have to do

to win each other's hearts.

(lively music)

Eyup.

So you're going to take lady

for a dance then, Caldwell?

Ah, no.

No, I must go.

You know, I must go back to the house.

Ordered by the rich man

on his way from America?

Not on your life.

Well.

Good night, Caldwell.

Rub your feet and your

dreams will come true.

I don't know what I'd wish for tonight.

Do you want a lift

to Briley's, Caldwell?

I'll walk, Stanley.

Sir?

I'm sorry about earlier.

Shelley had her heart

set on seeing Newell.

It's fine.

It's grand to see lovers get together.

Go to bed, Stanley.

Good night, sir.

Good night.

Good night, Shelley Fenton.

Oh, I love you.

I'll see you tomorrow, Newell Thorpe.

All right, Sir Alan.

I'll let her know.

Do you mind me disturbing you, June?

No, please, sit down, eat with me.

I heard this old song last night.

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme

It was...

It was enchanting.

Sir Alan just called.

He couldn't get through to you.

I left my phone upstairs.

I was out all day yesterday,

I don't think I charged it.

Is he arriving soon?

Not exactly.

What now?

The Eurostar's broken

down in the Channel Tunnel.

Is he OK?

He's fine.

They have to tow the train back to Lille.

Could be hours before

they find a replacement.

Well, this is so ridiculous.

He estimates he'll be

here by early evening.

Why don't you go for a swim in the bay?

The estate has its own private beach.

Really?

Would I be back in time

to go to Duffield House?

I'll draw a little map.

And Shelley will make up

a picnic hamper for you.

Sounds quite lovely.

Take your phone and

I can text you updates

on Sir Alan's progress.

Thank you, Briley.

Morning.

Do you mind if I join you?

Didn't you know that

this is a private beach?

Yes.

And I have a permit for it.

Who issued you with that?

Thorpe.

It's only valid for a week.

I'll be gone soon enough anyway.

Where are you off to?

Syria.

Oh, you do like trouble, don't you.

It's my job.

It's what we poor penniless

artists have to do

all over the world.

Something called work.

We have been over this before.

Anyway, lots of artists make

mountains of money nowadays.

Yes, I know.

But certainly not me.

What work do you do?

I manage Alan's property portfolio.

He acquired a lot of repossessed homes

after the property crash.

England has been particularly good value.

What about those people

who lost their homes?

We didn't write those mortgages.

It is unfortunate.

Anyway, Alan has very

generously offered me the chance

to give up work and

I've chosen to do that.

So, you're a lady of leisure.

A lady who supports her husband.

Alan is an extremely

successful businessman

and I want to entertain for him.

Can you cook?

I've been known to, yes.

But it's not a requirement

for the kind of lifestyle we lead.

Me too.

I'm not a good cook, either.

Ah, I didn't say that.

I cooked for my dad every

night after my mum died.

I know about every cut

of meat you can imagine.

Except rabbits.

They are not my forte.

Oh, you're quite an

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