Idiot's Delight Page #4

My name's Harry Van.

My name is Quillary.

I've got 6 girls with me, I'm in terrible trouble.

The whole world is in terrible trouble, Mr. Van.

Well, what are we all gonna do about it ?

Who can tell ?

I just talked to one of the officials here

who can speak a little French...

... and he said that there are orders

that no one is permitted to cross the frontier.

Look, I must get back to my country.

I must get back to Italy.

I'm a German. They have no right to deny me.

I shall make a protest to our Embassy.

There's an American here.

I think he's connected to the local hotel.

Let's go see him. Maybe he can tell us something.

Harry, Mr. Navadel is telling us all about the hotel.

They have winter sports here.

They're in the skiing business.

"Shiing".

Never mind the winter sports.

But can't we go up there, Harry ?

We're sick of those smelly day coaches.

Shut up !

These three gentlemen and I

want to know where we can find

the head man around here.

There must be somebody who can tell us when we do get across that border.

The Commander of the Frontier Post is

Captain Kirvline and he's stopping at the hotel.

Let's go up to see him, Harry.

Yes, let's go up and get a drink.

All right.

What about the baggage ?

Our porter will attend to that.

Here we are, folks.

Quick, quick, take the luggage.

Say, this place is a berry.

We can have a swell time here.

After the way we've been betrayed in the Balkans

we can't afford to have a swell time any place.

This is our cocktail lounge.

Rather a magnificent view, isn't it ?

It's great.

What's that big bare patch down there ?

It's an airport.

We have a great deal of flying around here.

That's swell. I love aviators.

You do ?

This place looks to me like it's laying an egg.

Laying a what ?

I mean, you aren't doing much business,

I don't see many customers around.

This is between seasons.

Do you own this hotel ?

I'm the social manager.

A professional breeder, huh ?

How did you happen to get here ?

I'm a specialist in resort hotel business

all the way from Santa Barbara to St. Moritz.

Perhaps the gentlemen and ladies

would care to register now ?

No. I'm not registering until I find out what's going on.

Come on, Harry, let's settle down.

We can go to Geneva some other time.

Relax, girls. I'll attend to the bookings.

Then you do not want rooms ?

No, pal, I just came up for the view.

Evidently, Mr. Van, you're not fully aware of the current international situation.

I'm aware that the international situaton is always regrettable.

What's wrong now ?

Haven't you been reading the papers ?

In Bulgaria and Yugoslavia ? No.

We're on the verge of a war.

What ? Another one ?

When's that scheduled to begin ?

Any minute now.

That's why they've closed every frontier in Europe.

Mr. Van, I advise you to be careful how you talk.

Why ?

I'm an American citizen, I can say what I please.

There's Captain Kirvline now.

I tell you I must go across that frontier.

I cannot delay.

I only obey my orders, Dr. Waldersee.

I can't permit anyone to cross.

I must go into neutral territory to continue my experiments.

I'm a scientist.

A servant of the whole stupid human race.

I'm working on a cure for cancer, a disease of civilization.

If I delay, my experiments are ruined.

I am deeply sorry, but I have no choice.

Captain Kirvline, this is a fellow countryman of mine, Mr. Harry Van.

Will you please tell him that the train

for Switzerland will not leave tonight.

Yes, Mr. Van, that's the unhappy fact.

Listen, Captain, I've got my passports,

all seven of them. Look.

You're travelling with a large family.

It isn't exactly a family.

There they are in there. They're blondes.

Lovely girls they are too, Captain, and very intelligent.

In fact, the mothers of tomorrow.

Well, the first good thing that's happened around here in years.

Hey, girls, come here. I want you to meet the head man.

Captain Kirvline, this is Miss Shirley Laughlin,

owner of the best voice in the two continents.

Charming.

Hiya, Captain.

And Miss Beulah Tremayne.

How do you do ?

Beulah's our bubble dancer. And quite a dreamer.

Exquisite.

And next, Miss Francine Merle.

A daughter of the old South.

Very alluring, eh Captain ?

Magnificent.

Thank you ever so much, I...

Turn it off, honey.

Next, Miss Edna Creech. She's as good as gold and twice as tough.

Hiya, toots.

Next, Miss Elaine Messiger.

I've heard she's a debutante, but she won't talk.

And next, Miss Bebe Gould,

a very, very lovely little number.

Aw, Harry...

Yeah, Bebe's our hula artist.

Come on, shake it for the Captain.

Hold it, hold it. Not at these prices.

That's very beautiful.

I congratulate you.

No, it's purely business with me, Captain.

You see, we're an act. Harry Van and Les Blondes, it's called.

Oh, he's cute.

Hm, I'll say.

Now, we've got some very attractive bookings

at a night spot in Geneva.

But we've got to be there by Thursday or else we lose the time.

Mr. Van, under these circumstances,

it's a pleasure for me to tell you

that I cannot let you pass.

But perhaps in the meantime

you will permit me to buy the young ladies a drink.

Well, all right, but only one apiece.

Oh, thank you, Captain. We'd love it.

Do you have any more soldiers around here, Captain ?

Thousands of them.

Well, I guess I might as well register.

I'll need three double rooms, two girls to a room.

And a single for me.

Adjoining.

I promised their mothers I'd always be within earshot.

What's that ?

What is it ?

Hey, hey, what's all these sirens ? Is there a fire ?

That's the warning from the airfield down there.

They're testing combat planes in case of war.

They look pretty tough, don't they ?

Yes, they are the wings of death.

Maniacs. Obscene maniacs.

All right, all right. Finish your drinks and come on upstairs.

I'm gonna give you all a bath.

I gotta get us in Geneva,

So don't run up any bills in this dump.

There's a hairdresser here, Harry,

can't I get a finger wave ?

No !

Can we go skiing ?

And risk breaking those pretty legs ?

But it's healthy.

But you're not sick, those gambs of yours are my bread and butter.

Now remember...

... we get breakfast free here with our roommates,

so we eat plenty of that...

... to lay off on the other meals.

I'm going down to see if there are any more news.

And get off my bed.

Harry, see if there's a movie in town.

Harry, don't play informant with the Captain.

Look, Mr. Van, they're bringing out the big planes.

They're full of bombs to drop on people.

They can fly from here to Rome, Berlin or Paris.

Even all the way to London.

I like the looks of the mountains better.

You belong here in this country ?

Yes, sir. That is to say, I didn't use to.

That's my country over there.

You see, after the last war they decided

those mountains must be taken away from my country.

And I went with them.

Then one day I became a foreigner.

Even my old father, he's dead.

But all the writing on the gravestones,

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