Inside 'The Terminal' Page #4

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I take four back-to-back flights,

fly 27 hours straight

literally around the world,

and now you tell me you're going

to spend July 4th with your wife?

The woman hates fireworks.

Don't lie to me, OK?

I know for a fact

you took her to Rome last weekend.

Because you flew United, Max.

South African Airlines

passenger Sharif Al-Calala,

please come to the main ticket counter.

You make a habit out of listening

to other people's conversations?

No, I try to call home.

So then...

- You know why men are such a**holes?

- No.

Because they're all liars.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wet floor.

Please. Don't be hurt.

How can I not be? He's married.

One man. Two womens. Crowded.

You want to know

what the worst part is?

I never asked him to leave his wife.

I encouraged him to get counseling.

What kind of sick person am I?

I'm rooting for the home team.

I just wish the sex

wasn't so amazing.

- So amazing.

- Bye-bye.

You know...

sometimes in the mornings,

I just stare at him over room service.

Watch him do the crossword puzzle.

I start to think that maybe...

maybe this could happen.

That we belong together.

This... man... has you.

Why he need... puzzle?

This is my problem.

I always see men

the way I want to see them.

Do I know you from someplace?

Sensible heels.

Payless Shoes. Second floor.

Oh...

You headed for home?

Er... No, no. I am...

I am delayed a long time.

I hate it when they delay flights.

What do you do?

I go from one building

to another building.

I have beeper.

Oh, contractors.

You guys travel as much as we do.

Sorry about that.

Thank you very much.

What's "BH"?

In English...

Viktor Navorski.

- In English, Amelia Warren.

- Amelia Warren?

- Nice to meet you.

- You, too.

Nice to see you again.

You like Italian food?

I know, it's late

and you've probably got other plans,

but if you'd like to grab some dinner,

we can run right out and catch a cab.

I know a place

that has the greatest cannelloni.

Erm...

No, I... I can't.

- You married?

- No.

- Girlfriend?

- No.

I... I can't go out... with you.

God. I am so... I'm so sorry.

I am so sorry.

I must come off

like a complete nut job or something.

- No.

- I didn't want to eat alone.

Wet floor. Wet floor.

- I...

- You don't have to explain.

No, I... Please, I...

Wheelchair to gate A-five.

Nadia.

In New York restaurant,

what cost is cantaloni?

I don't know. Maybe 15 bucks.

- Dollars?

- 20.

Two people, 40.

Two people, 40 dollars.

Two people, 40 dollars.

I... I... help you?

I'm so sorry, sir.

The position has already been filled.

- Do you live nearby?

- Yes. Gate 67.

Because we are very particular

about punctual... Did you say Gate 67?

Gate 67.

You got to be kidding.

You got to help me help you.

I don't see a Social Security number...

...mailing address,

even a phone number.

Telephone? You need? I get.

I get. I get phone.

I get... I get phone.

All right.

When's the best time to reach you?

Now?

- Hello?

- Hi, Mr. Navorski.

Yes, this is Viktor Navorski.

Who calls?

It's Cliff from the Discovery Store.

Cliff. Hello.

- How's it going?

- Good.

- Is this a good time?

- Yes, I wait for your call all day.

Well, I got to tell you

that the position's been filled.

Yeah, so could you please

go sit someplace else?

- I go to bathroom now.

- That'd be good.

- All right.

- Thank you.

OK.

Who is this?

- Who are you?

- It's no one.

There's no one here for

two weeks. This isn't one of my guys.

Look at this cornicing.

This is good work.

Must be Harry's crew.

You with Harry's crew?

Does Harry think

he's running this job?

- I go now.

- Go? Go where?

- Gate 67.

- 67?

We're ten months away from 67.

He's got to be Harry's.

If he's not mine and he's not yours...

Harry's trying to make me look bad.

I've got to slow him down

before he gets to 67.

- What's your name?

- Viktor Navorski.

Pull him off Harry's crew,

put him on mine.

You start 6.30 Monday morning.

You give me job?

We have lobster ravioli from Alitalia.

We have caviar from Russian Aeroflot.

OK. Just bring it.

- Hey, Viktor.

- Hello, all.

Look. The man without a country.

Come on in. Welcome.

- I see this.

- You did well.

Have a seat.

- Here?

- Here.

Come on, sit down.

- Who invited him?

- I did. We needed a fourth, right?

- I'm not going to play with him.

- Gupta, relax, would you?

- He isn't a spy.

- How do you know?

He could be recording

everything we say. A wire in his shirt.

A microphone up in his ass.

- I'm not going to lose my job.

- Fine.

- What if we x-rayed him?

- Yes.

Close your eyes.

- OK. So you are clean.

- Good. Let's play cards.

I will have money.

But... Friday.

Don't worry about it. We play for

unclaimed items from the Lost and Found.

You'll be amazed

at what people leave at airports. Come.

I have two nines and two nines.

Four nines. Thank you.

- Careful.

- Watch out.

- We have a question for you.

- Yeah, we're just curious.

What is in the can?

- This?

- We saw the x-ray.

We know there's no nuts in there.

What is in there?

This is jazz.

- Jazz?

- Jazz, yes.

- Jazz?

- Yes.

You sure it's jazz in there?

It might be the blues.

- Or salsa.

- Maybe it's Stevie Wonder.

- No, no, is jazz.

- OK, guys. OK.

For tonight's grand prize, we have...

Show them, Gupta.

I found this upstairs.

Virgin Air, first class lounge.

There you go.

And... they belong to?

Cher.

Cher?

As in... Cher?

Yeah. Cher.

I checked it out.

There were witnesses.

Those are Cher's panties.

- Ready?

- Hurry up.

So, will we share the panties?

- No, no, no.

- Not if I win.

- Come on.

- Wait a second.

United Airlines

flight number 801 to Narita

is now announcing final boarding.

"You can't.

That is mine."

"You can get so confused."

Viktor?

Well, hi.

Please.

- How are you?

- Good.

Man.

I am so sorry about what happened

last time, asking you out like that.

I'm so used to guys

trying to grab my ass at 30,000 feet

that when I meet somebody that doesn't,

I don't know how to react.

- Let's just start over.

- Yes, OK.

- Are you coming or going?

- I don't know. Both.

Tell me about it.

Napoleon?

Yeah. I read a lot of history books.

They're long and cheap.

Like 1200 pages for $9.99.

You can't beat that.

- But Napoleon?

- Yeah. He's one of my favorites.

- You know what saved Napoleon's life?

- No.

- His ego.

- Ego?

Yes.

After he loses the Battle of Waterloo,

Napoleon isolates himself

on the tiny island of Saint Helena.

No one knows exactly

what happens next,

but the version I like goes like this:

He's very depressed

and decides to take his own life.

But Napoleon believes himself

to be of such superhuman strength

that he takes six times the amount

of poison needed to do the job.

His stomach is so full up with poison

that his body rejects it,

and he doesn't die.

See? Ego. Saved his life.

Maybe he need glasses.

- Glasses?

- Yes. To read words on bottle.

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