Invasion of the Saucer Men

Spooky, eh ?

I learned a long time ago

you gotta start your pitch with a bang.

But ... I'm an honest guy, see.

I gotta play it square with you.

Actually, a plain ol' farmer

lives in this house.

An nice, easy going sorta guy.

- Now get the law after 'em !

Er ... Like I was sayin', he lives

on the outskirts of this little town.

Hicksburg, by name.

No, I'm not kiddin' !

That's the name ...

Hiscksburg. Scout's honor.

It's a quiet little place ...

Nothing much for the

young people to do ...

Well ... Hardly anything.

Anyhow, we're Saturday night.

And me and my partner,

was eating in this fancy restaurant.

A regular gourmet's joint.

Him and me are

what you might call ...

Investments specialists.

We were discussing the

latest market reports

and looking forward to a quiet

game of chess before retiring.

Oh ... That's my partner.

I'm the handsome guy,

on the left.

Will there be anything else ?

Right now, I couldn't

afford what I'm thinking.

- I'm sure of that.

- Wait, baby, wait !

I wonder if you can

tell me how to ...

I can't even read

my own writing here !

I wonder if you'd

tell me how to get to ...

... first base

with you tonight.

Fresh guy !

Oh, at least I tried !

Trying is all we ever do

ever since we hit this town.

We never should've come

here in the first place !

A guy's gotta be a native in this burg

before a dame will give him a break.

Oh don't give me that !

Let's go home.

I'm bushed !

Wait a minute, man.

This is country !

Things move slow here.

I got a tip that this town's

a cinch for quick buck.

Skip it, will you ?

I'm going to bed.

And we're pulling

out of here in the morning !

I'm looking for action tonight.

I'm taking a ride to see

what I can pick up.

Fat chance !

And remember that car is half mine.

You have the front seat.

I won't be using your

half much tonight !

Big lover !

All mouth .. No action.

You want a lift back

to the boarding house ?

No, I'm gonna walk up

my great expectations.

I wouldn't want to

hold back the wheels of progress.

Or is it the progress

of a big wheel ?

- What the heck was that ?

- Low lightning, what else ?

There's no clouds out there.

How's the recruiting

coming along, Lieutenant ?

Not bad.

How about them young'uns ?

I wonder what they're

watching out there ?

I tell ya ...

I saw a flying saucer !

What you fellows yappin'

about out here ?

Duke just said

he saw a flying saucer !

Only one ?

Nobody's got a right to brag

unless they see at least six.

And in different colors.

This one was blue !

Lieutenant, the boys are

kidding about seeing a flying saucer.

Oh.

Yeah, Duke says

he saw one over there.

You better watch out, he might

be giving you orders next month.

Yeah, you're right, I'm hooked !

Dragging me in feet first.

Don't you had a date

with the Joan tonight ?

Yeah, she's meeting

me here at 9:
30.

She's probably fussing

with her new dress.

Who you're kidding !

We all know she's waiting

for her old man to

get out of the house.

What kind of a dress

takes that long to get into ?

You have to admit she's got

a lot of the right things

to put in the right places.

Yeah and they're all mine !

Here she comes.

See you later.

- Hi princess.

- Hi Johnny !

Most of the gang's

at Lover's Point.

Yeah, what a lousy way

to spend the Saturday night.

Look !

- Do you like it ?

- Great !

- I'm going home.

- Goodbye, Jack.

Uh ! ... Another load of those

consarned kids on my property.

Looks crowded at Lover's Point.

Hope we don't hit

Larkin's bull on the way out.

- Take it easy, Bobby boy.

- Go man, go !

You nearly startled me out.

That's Oswald, Larkin's bull.

He's always hanging

around asking for hand outs.

Get that beast away

from here !

That bull drank

so much beer one night

that he got the blind staggers.

See, now, you needn't

be afraid of him.

- I'm not ... Anymore.

- Good.

- You shouldn't have done that.

- Done what ?

- Throwing out the beer can.

- Why not ?

You know the trouble we've been

having with Mr. Larkin without

messing up his farm

with beer cans.

Let Larkin blow his top.

This place was Lover's Lane

long before it was Larkin's cow pasture.

- But I think ...

- I got a cure for that.

- For what ?

- For thinking. More beer.

Just a minute, not so fast !

I'm out of breath.

Proves you're lovin' ...

I'm looping with you tonight,

isn't that proof enough ?

And then some ...

Seeing how your father hates me.

Oh it isn't that bad !

Art ...

Artie ?

Artie, at last we made it !

We hit the jackpot.

Turn off that light, you bum !

Artie, come on !

We're millionnaires.

Yeah, yeah.

Go to bed, uh !

But this is different.

This is big !

Yeah ...

Look I'm not trying to give you a pitch.

But this ...

You and me, we're gonna

put on an exhibition

on the first and only truly

authentic flying saucer !

You ... You woke me up

to tell me that ?

I told you it was big, didn't I ?

Well I seen one ! Like all the

crazy people been talking about.

It was big, and round, and it glows.

And gives off a funny noise like ...

... like that !

Like that, uh ?

Yeah, yeah, that's it !

It landed over there

by the Larkin's farm property.

It's great, isn't it ?

Okay ... Okay.

But when I'm rollling that dough,

I don't see you invited in.

Invited out !

I'll handle it myself.

Go ahead, go back to sleep !

Sleep your life away !

It was a good idea

coming up here tonight.

Gang'll never suspect a thing.

We can be back before

they even miss us.

Oh, no more sneaking

up here to be alone.

No more out-swirling

your father.

- This oughta make it official.

- Oh it's brilliant !

It's bad luck.

I don't know why these

saucers always wait till night

to put up an appearance.

Where do you think it is ?

From what these kids said,

it must be north-east of town.

I'll check the latest

radar report from our station.

We better get right out there.

The General was thrown up

for letting the last one get away.

The army intelligence

really scooped us that time.

'Scoop' did you say !

- Just a figure of speech, sir.

- It'd better be, Lieutenant.

- I wanna caution you about one thing.

- Yes, sir.

I know that in civilian life

you were a publicity man.

- What are you getting at, sir ?

- Just this :
...

Our job is to prevent

a possible nationwide panic

by keeping the information

from the public.

I figure a public

information officer

is about the last thing

we need right now.

I didn't request

this assignment, sir.

- I know that !

- Yes, sir.

- But get this straight, Wilkins ...

- Yes, sir.

You let one word of this leak out,

I'll have you court-martialled and shot !

- Do I make myself perfectly clear ?

- Yes, sir, yes indeed, sir !

Good.

Now get down the hall and

wake up Sgt. Serkins and Carter.

- Tell them to load their weapons.

- Yes, sir.

Come on.

We're wasting time.

- Hey cut those lights !

- You're cramping our style !

Hey you want Larkin

should catch us ?

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