Isn't She Great Page #6

smart cookie, but are you my friend?

I've never met anyone like you.

That's not an answer!

Let me explain to you.

Friends help each other.

And, friends don't tell. Get it?

OK.

Is there a secret handshake?

SHE LAUGHS:

Mikey, you made a joke.

I did?

Yeah.

Well, it wasn't a great joke,

but, but it's a start.

You are my friend.

You are my friend.

CAR HORN HONKS:

JOSIE BARKS:

We're coming! We're having sex!

Good. Take your time.

Jackie...

I'm trusting you with my life here.

I know.

Thank you.

You look great.

Doesn't he look great?

Oh, he looks wonderful.

So handsome like a Greek god.

And, guess what? Your mom's book,

it's gonna be a sensation.

I'm gonna make you so proud.

He seemed better.

Did he seem better to you?

Yes. He looks good.

They take good care of him.

Mmm. I should hope so.

Irving, you can't put a price

on this. You're right.

He deserves the best.

That's why this book

has got to be gigantic.

'Valley of the Dolls came

rolling off the presses,

and Jackie took the

country by storm.

'She invented a whole new way

of selling books.' Hello, boys!

WOLF WHISTLES:

I'm Jackie Susann.

I wrote a book. Valley of the Dolls.

Right now, you guys are loading

that book onto those great big trucks.

I just want you to

know, I'm grateful.

We've got hot coffee.

And doughnuts. And tea.

So if, when you deliver these,

you say something to everyone

about this lovely lady,

we'd appreciate it.

'Cause my book is about the sexiest

biggest hung guys in the universe.

Who?

Teamsters.

Yeah!

No matter where she was,

she never stopped selling.

Thar she blows.

Yikes.

Are you ready?

No, hold on a second. Read this.

Thank you. In the cafeteria.

BOTH LAUGH:

# I'm driving and I'm dreaming

# And I'm on my way

# As I go through life... #

'We didn't know much about

books, but we knew show biz.

If you want a hit the road.

And do your homework.'

Stroudsburg. Go.

Gladrey's Book Nook, Harry and Irma.

When's Irma's birthday?

Today.

You're cooking, baby.

What else?

# My dream is out there

# Never gonna stop

till that dream is mine... #

Mr Gladrey? Yes?

I'm Irv Mansfield. Who?

And there's someone very new

and exciting I'd like you to meet.

Get ready for lightning.

Get ready for love.

Get ready for Miss Jacqueline Susann!

Harry! How are ya?

Do I...? Do I know you?

You do now. I've written a book

you'll love. Valley of the Dolls.

When I decided to publish, the first

thing I told my publisher... Henry Marcus.

..was Gladrey's Book Nook,

Stroudsburg, PA.

Harry, who are these people?

Irma!

Darling, you look great.

How do you know my name?

Everybody knows Irma Gladrey.

ALL:

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you... #

Good morning.

Have you got Jackie Susann?

Who?

Well, you do now.

Lester! Baby!

That's Lester.

Dick! Sweetheart!

# Somewhere in the world

there's a place for me

# Somewhere I will find me

a new life... #

Sisters!

God love you.

If you love the Old Testament,

you'll love Valley of the Dolls.

# And I'm on my way... #

Henry?

They're in Montana. So?

There are no book stores in Montana.

It's not a book any more.

It's a bestseller.

Today was pure sunshine in Boise.

What will tomorrow bring?

Let's ask our celebrity weathergirl,

novelist Jacqueline Susann.

Well, Earl, bad news.

It looks like rain, from the border

right on down to Sun Valley...

of the Dolls.

First,

we begin by whisking our eggs.

Next, we grease our skillet.

Jackie, which do you prefer,

margarine or vegetable oil?

I don't know. I order out.

You order out breakfast?

You bet.

Any woman who cooks is a fool.

Don't cook.

Read.

'She was on her way, to the biggest

of the big. To Johnny.'

ANNOUNCER:

Jacqueline Susann.

Doesn't she look great?

What's your name again, Ken?

Jim. Jim Morrison.

Oh, a pleasure. Irving Mansfield.

Everyone's saying my book's dirty.

But I wonder,

have they ever watched soap operas?

Have they ever seen

what housewives watch all day long?

LAUGHTER:

When you're washing

floors everyday,

you need a little something

in your life to keep going.

IRVING LAUGHS Isn't she great?

Yeah, she's happening.

'Jackie was getting big, really big.

You could tell by her enemies.'

My guest is the flamboyant and often

controversial author, Truman Capote,

whose latest book, In Cold Blood,

has created an international sensation.

Good to see you again.

Thank you.

It's always a pleasure to be here.

Honey! Hurry up!

You're gonna miss it.

'How do you feel about

the competition?

What about bestseller lists?

How about Jackie Susann?

'Jackie Susann, please.'

That's not writing, that's typing.

How can he say that?

She's a virtual illiterate. Nasty.

Have you ever seen her in those

sleazy gowns with all that hair?

She looks like a truck driver

in drag.

'But no-one could stop her.

We were number one.

'I really wanna surprise her

at the party, something big time.'

Don't worry. We'll find something.

It's here.

What do you think she'd like?

SHE GASPS:

Flo? What is it, a valve?

Oh, my God. Pearls.

Black and white pearls.

Pearls for Jackie?

Irving, if a man bought

me those pearls,

not only would I have sex

with him, I would enjoy it.

The pearls, aren't they superb?

A bit expensive.

Come on. Buy them. It's her money.

SHE LAUGHS:

I don't know. Maybe a brooch.

My treat.

Yeah.

Hey, can't we help you?

I'm fine. I'll be right there.

What an evening.

The Waldorf Astoria,

the grand ballroom, for a book.

The guest list is unbelievable.

Everyone said yes.

Where is she? Everyone's waiting.

Jacqueline.

ALL GASP:

Jackie! That dress,

that outfit!

Is it too much? Is it over the top?

Not one little bit.

You don't think it's too vulgar,

too trashy?

Too, er, Jackie Susann?

It's absolutely perfect.

Then maybe I should change.

SHE LAUGHS:

Everything's set.

Triple checked, all systems...go.

Wow. You look so famous.

SHE LAUGHS:

Come on. Jesus Christ, you have to

get dressed. I am dressed!

She looks fabulous.

But, that frock, it's so shy,

so reclusive. It needs something...

Let me think.

Jackie, something "Valley".

I don't know.

Maybe... Oh, yes.

This.

Oh, my God! Is it real?

I must be making you a fortune!

For the woman, who as of Sunday,

remains the number one

bestselling author in America.

ALL:
Whoo!

Thank you, Henry. Thank you. Irving,

look at this! Can you believe it?

You deserve it, every stone, every

carat. We'll have it appraised.

So tell me, did Hemingway ever get

one of these? He'd be alive today.

LAUGHTER:

Come on, p*ssy cats, we have to go.

What a night this is gonna be.

It's gonna be a blast.

Where is the elevator?

APPLAUSE:

Thank you, thank you.

I'm Henry Marcus. No, that's not it.

I'm Jackie Susann's publisher.

LAUGHTER:

A few months ago, Jackie was

a young girl with a dream.

Now from what I read, she's an even

younger girl with a bestseller. No!

Make that the bestseller,

because as of this week, Valley of

the Dolls has racked on the list

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