It's a Boy Girl Thing Page #3

This homecoming game is gonna be

the biggest game in those boys' lives.

You may have a god given talent but I...

will not let you risk

it. Do you hear me?

Yes, coach!

You get your sh*t

together or you'll be...

watching the game from the side lines!

Don't let it bug you buddy,

just hang in there!

Look, you just hit a slump,

just like a golfer.

It doesn't matter how big you are,

every now and again you lose a swing.

So you keep working on your strokes

and banging those balls.

Do you wanna touch my helmet?

My lucky helmet. It works

for me, maybe it'll...

do you the same. Go

ahead, give it a rub!

musicElton John:
Candle

in the Wind/music

Oh man, this is crappy music!

Loser!

Yeah, you too and your mama!

I heard about football practice.

- Those boys are really rough.

- I'm covered in bruises.

I don't care about your bruises.

If coach drops you my life is over.

Why are you so worked up?

It's only a game!

No, it's not only a

game. It's football!

Jesus, don't you get anything?

I get that clearly

this is not a head cold

Do you have any better

theories, smart ass?

Look at you. What am I wearing?

Chinos and a Oxford cotton button-down

I found in the back of your closet.

Which is exactly where

it is meant to stay!

Nonsense, you can't

beat the classic look!

My hair, you've made it all dorky!

A center parting is

very European looking.

No, it is very dorky looking!

Excuse me for taking a little

pride in your appearance!

You could have ruined my life,

I look like a male version of you!

As long as I'm stuck

inside this disgusting...

body, you'll just have

to put up with it!

Alright, if that's how

you want it, sweet cheeks.

musicScissor Sisters:

Filthy / Gorgeous/music

Nice ass!

You're looking fine, sugar!

- What are you doing?

- Protecting your modesty.

You look like a common prostitute!

Damn, I was going for

a high class hooker!

You can not walk into school like this!

I can do whatever I want. Now get

your hands off me or I'll scream.

What are you doing?

You're supposed to be Shakespeare.

OK, here goes.

Nice penis.

Nothing like a bit of personal hygien.

Well, it has to be done.

Come on, think about it.

And she's totally

pretending to be pretty.

- Hello, Woody.

- Hello, Breanna.

I have something I want to say to you.

Let me guess:
you're sorry

about blowing me off.

No. I'm afraid we can't

see each other any more.

Very funny, Woody.

Well, I don't find you

that attractive any more.

You just look kind of plain.

And don't worry about your moustache.

Some guys are really into that sh*t.

Suck on this, Woody Dean.

I can't believe he said that to her!

You can't really see the hairs anyway.

What just happened?

Seems you and your

girlfriend just broke up.

Commiserations.

No! Me and Breanna?

Breanna and I, but let's

not quip over details.

- Broke up with my girlfriend?

- You'll get over it.

Wanna go for a ride?

I have to go, tonight's

a big night for me.

You too.

Congratulations. Tonight's the night

you finally get to lose it.

Nicky!

There you go, babe.

Thanks.

Nice...

- ... trailer.

- It's a dump.

But... my folks are away...

...and we won't be disturbed.

Never seen a chick

drink like that before.

My throat's a little dry.

Maybe I could moisten it up a little.

I can't. I need another beer.

Sure.

- You OK?

- I'm fine thank you.

You've been acting

kind of weird lately.

I think I know what's on your mind.

- I don't think you do.

- Let me guess.

You think if you don't

impress those scouts,

you're gonna end up

working with your dad

in spatula world.

What?

I ain't stupid, Woody. Just

let things fall into place.

Whatever you do, we'll be proud of you.

So you don't want to work

with spatulas, what the heck?

Not here.

OK, let's go to the master bedroom.

Let's get cracking baby,

cause daddy's packing!

Oh god, what was I

thinking? This is so gay!

What are you waiting for, baby?

Daddy wants to see some flesh.

He's gonna make me his b*tch!

Woody the b*tch boy!

Maybe you need a little help?

I have to pee.

Now?

Yeah, I can feel I have

to fricking go. So, you...

get undressed -

and don't start without me.

Hey, come back!

musicElton John:
Candle

in the Wind/music

Not this sh*t again, man!

It's very melodic. If you give it a

chance you might learn to enjoy it.

musicElton John:
Candle

in the Wind/music

No. Still sh*t.

Have you heard about

that grease ball Nicky?

She got it on last night.

Did you guys hear?

She did it in the trailer park.

She probably didn't even

know it was a trailer park.

Woody, are you crying?

What's wrong?

I'm sorry.

I just found out I lost my

virginity in a trailer park.

I gotta go.

I got a class.

Hey, do you think she

might do it with me?

No! Get lost.

What?

Don't worry. You had a great time.

Trust me, you'll never forget it.

How could you do this to me?

I know you're not the best looking

guy in the world but it's only sex.

I wanted it to be special.

Well, you started it.'A central

parting is very european looking'.

You lost me my girlfriend.

I was saving it for the

boy I fell in love with.

Look, nothing happened, OK?

- Really?

- Really.

That's not what Nicky

is telling everyone.

Well, Nicky is a liar.

Try telling that to the entire world.

How's it feel to be a cheap little slut?

Looks like I have to have a talk with

that son of a b*tch, cause no one...

calls us the sort.

Pass the ball!

Nicky, here's your ho!

- Hey, I'm looking for you!

- You found me, baby.

What the hell did you say?

Nothing.

Oh really?

But I wasn't 100 percent true.

You greasy scumbag liar.

And you've got a very

dirty little mouth.

Then again...

...I already knew that.

- A little hellcat, ain't you?

- A**hole!

That's no way to treat a lady, mister!

And what kind of word is 'ain't you'.

It's wrong on so many levels.

Why don't you tell everyone

what really happened?

- Tell them!

- Nothing! Nothing happened!

I think you owe this sweet, innocent,

yet very attractive

young lady an apology.

Sorry.

I'm sorry!

Thanks.

It's so much fun to hit someone.

I'd like to punch him again.

Easy champ. Doesn't mean I forgive you

about screwing up about Breanna and I.

Breanna and me.

I'll try to fix things.

What's the point?

I'm a girl, remember?

Jesus, what am I gonna do?

Homecoming's next Friday.

My life is a complete disaster.

What were we doing

before this happened?

Arguing?

- You always argue.

- Not always.

We were at the museum.

- In front of that ugly Mexican dude.

- Aztek. Texcatlipoca.

- That's the guy.

- He's the ancient god of sorcery.

We close in 5 minutes, folks.

OK, you go first.

No, you go first, you

have the biggest mouth.

- Hi, how are you?

- Is that the best you can do?

He's a god, not your aunt Betsy.

You may have got the

impression that this...

young fellow and I didn't

like it each other.

But let me tell you, that could not

be any farther from the truth.

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