It's a Disaster

( "1812 OVERTURE")

WOMAN:
Oh! Oh!

MAN:
What?

The song.

The song?

The... the song...

uh, the "1812 overture."

The... the finale

from "1812 overture."

Yeah.

What about it?

Well, you just... it was

building to the big finale,

And you cut it off right before it ended.

Oh, god. I'm sorry.

Oh, no. Please don't be sorry.

No, I'm just being stupid.

It's... it's just that

whenever a song comes on,

If it... if it's building to, like,

the big chorus or whatever,

And if it gets cut off, then I

feel unfulfilled psychologically.

Oh. Huh.

You don't get that?

Uh,

I guess I haven't really

thought about it.

You didn't want to hear

how it ended?

I've heard it before.

No, I'm sure you have.

You didn't want to hear it

just now?

No... I mean, yeah. Sure. You

want me to put it back on?

Oh, no, no. Please, no. Then we'd be

sitting in a car listening to a song...

Guess what? I want to hear it now.

(CHUCKLES)

MAN ON RADIO:
Maybe during our

previous membership campaign,

You stood on the sidelines and

said "I'll wait to call in"...

Right. We were listening

to the radio.

The radio.

Yeah, it's the radio.

MAN ON RADIO:
Wait no more.

There's a pledge drive

right now.

We can go inside now.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

(HORN HONKS) Oh, could you...

Oh, sorry. Uh...

(HORN HONKS)

(CHIRPS) Sorry. You

have to... all right.

Yeah.

(HONKS, CHIRPS)

That should do it.

Ahh! Right.

Can I, uh, help you with it?

No, no. I got it.

(HONKS) Hope you like it.

Have you made it

for brunch before?

Not vegan. No. Lexi's gone vegan,

so everyone has to suffer.

And... and Lexi is, uh, Peter's wife?

Lexi is Buck's wife.

Emma is Pete's wife.

Okay. Yes.

All right.

(DOG BARKING)

If Lexi and Buck

start singing songs,

Just nod and smile and pretend it's good.

Okay. (CHUCKLES)

One more thing. Don't say anything

about Shane and Hedy's wedding.

Who?

Shane and Hedy.

Shane and Hedy... no wedding.

Long story.

Okay.

Ohh!

( POP) Hi.

Okay. Hi, hon.

Hi.

So this is him?

Glenn.

I'm Emma.

Hi.

Ooh. Good choice.

Great. Come in, kids.

Please.

Wow. This place is great.

Thank you.

Do you, uh, rent or own?

We are proud homeowners.

We got it really cheap because there

was a murder-suicide in the kitchen.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Technically, the couple died in the

ambulance on the way to the hospital.

But the real estate agent said

everybody else was spooked away.

Wow.

Hello.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. I'm Hedy.

This is Glenn.

Glenn.

Glenn. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Can I, uh, take your coat? I'm putting

it upstairs on the bed in the bedroom...

- And we've also hired her as our

coat-check girl. - Oh, congratulations.

Yeah. Good. Please remember to tip her.

She gets real mad.

(CHUCKLES) I'm serious.

Do you want me to put that on the table?

I'll just put it in the kitchen.

Jenny and Gordon

aren't here yet.

We're not waiting for jenny and Gordon to eat?

No. We'll give them till 12:30.

'cause jenny and Gordon are notoriously late.

Oh. I got friends like that.

No, they're worse.

WOMAN:
Tracy! Hey, hey, hey!

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Hey, how are you. Pete?

Pete, Glenn.

Yeah. Glenn. Welcome to our humble abode.

Oh, thanks. It's adorable.

Oh! I've heard so much about you.

Oh, thanks.

This is Lexi.

Oh. Oh, the vegan.

The vegan? That's how she refers to me?

I'm the vegan?

No. No, 'cause we were

talking about the stew.

Oh.

She just mentioned... yeah.

Right. Honey, I told you you didn't

have to make anything different.

I'd be fine. I didn't want

you to feel left out.

If I didn't want to be left out,

I wouldn't be a vegan, right?

Well, I made it,

and it's delicious.

I'm not even hungry, so...

it's really good.

You kids are so cute.

Oh.

Oh, thanks for coming.

Do you want a drink?

Uh, yes, please.

(WHISPERING) Sorry about that.

Bring your soup?

Uh, started a soup.

Oh, yes, I've been there. Um,

babe, I put your coat on the bed.

So whenever you're ready to put

the phone away. I got this.

Um, you've got, like, five minutes.

No, I've 25 minutes.

We've been here for 15. It

starts when we get here.

No, it starts when

we were talking about it.

Babe, I'm in the middle

of an auction.

Can you just say hi to Glenn?

Human interaction.

Can I help you? No, I got it. Please, relax.

Do you want a mimosa?

Okay. You sure that you don't need my help?

Yeah, I got it.

Uh, Glenn, a mimosa? Oh, no...

I think Glenn looks like a man that

appreciates the finer things in life.

How about a scotch?

Uh, sure.

All right. These snap

peas are the sh*t.

He's cute.

Thanks.

Can you behave please?

What? What did I do?

Literally, we just walked in the door and

you're already picking a fight with me.

How is that different from every

other time we see each other?

I'm on a date, and I'm

trying to impress the man.

What number date is this, Tracy?

Third.

Oh, wow. If we make it to

number five, we'll be golden.

What is that supposed to mean?

Just that usually you cut them off

before that. You check the scores?

I don't know.

Are you online?

I'm on eBay.

Why are you on eBay?

He's trying

to get a comic book.

No, it's not just a comic book.

It's colorful.

Um, it's a near-mint

X-Men, 120.

The first appearance

of Alpha Flight.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

What is an Alpha Flight?

It's a Canadian superhero team

from Marvel comics.

There's a Canadian superhero team?

(CHUCKLES)

Who do they fight...

Quebec secessionists?

No. This guy has it on sale for five

dollars, and it's worth over 160.

Whoa!

Wait, 160 U.S.?

Wait. Where did you say that you

met Glenn, at the hospital?

At the grocery store.

( ALT ROCK)

Where'd you and Tracy meet?

Online. Well, no shame in that.

That's where we found our vet.

(GLASSES CLINK)

That's great.

That's really good.

Yeah, it'll help you get through this.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm sorry. What?

Couples brunch. Oh, no. I'm

looking forward to it.

Really?

Yeah.

Can I ask you a question, Glenn?

Sure.

If you had to call someone up,

tell them some bad news,

Would you tell them right away

or would you chitchat first?

Chitchat. Yeah. You know, small talk.

"how you doin'?"

No, I...

"what's goin' on?"

I know. I know. "Nice weather.

Just... it's crazy."

Right, right. No, um...

Uh, well, I suppose it would depend

on the severity of the bad news.

Hmm. What do you mean?

Uh, well,

If I'm calling to let somebody

know that, um, you know,

A family member passed away,

then no chitchat.

I wouldn't beat around the

bush with that. Right.

Um, but if I was calling

to let them know that, uh,

You know, they didn't get an

apartment, then, yeah, chitchat.

Yeah, you know...

mmm.

Talk a little bit. You in the

apartment rental business?

No. No, I'm a teacher.

So why do you call people and tell

them they didn't get an apartment?

(CHUCKLES)

I... I don't.

I'm sorry. I thought the

conversation was hypothetical.

No, the conversation

is real, Glenn.

The problem is hypothetical.

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