It's a Disaster Page #4

together, but not together together.

But what we don't want

is people picking sides.

We really want to remain

close friends with all of you.

Yeah. Unless some of you feel very

strongly about one of us over the other.

Tracy, for instance,

If you want to stay in touch with Emma

and completely shut me out of your life,

- I'd understand.

- No, Pete, I would never.

Just, you know, think about it. You

don't need to make a decision now.

So does this mean brunch is over?

Do you want us to leave?

Shane, they just told us

they're getting a divorce,

- And you're still thinking about Alpha Force?

- Alpha flight.

I honestly didn't know

if they wanted us to leave,

Because I have a feeling it's about

to get a little uncomfortable.

Oh, do you have that feeling?

Which is exactly why I wanted to wait

until after we ate to bring this up.

(SIGHS) You know what?

He's right. It is about

to get uncomfortable.

But I'll be the one

who's leaving.

(MOUTHING WORDS, SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(WATER GURGLING)

Oh, hey, I think the power's out.

Shut the f*** up, Glenn!

I am so sorry.

I didn't mean that.

I'm under a lot of stress right

now, and I'm taking it out on you.

Glenn, you got to jiggle the handle.

Oh. Oh!

Oh, did you suddenly

want to talk in private now?

Emma, come on.

You can't leave.

How many times are we gonna

have this conversation?

No, right now. You can't leave right now.

(SIRENS WAILING)

This is the last time we're all gonna be

together like this. (SIRENS BLARING)

The last of our famous

couples brunches.

Have you ever,

in the last eight years...

No. You know what? Let's go

farther back when we were dating.

So let's say 12 years. Have you

ever in the last 12 years...

Truly looked forward to one

of these couples brunches?

(SIRENS WAILING, BLARING)

Well, what do you mean

"looked forward to"?

Look, Emma, you didn't even

pack any socks.

Well, I'll buy more.

Where are you gonna go?

It doesn't matter.

Maybe, uh... no, she's not

supposed... that's not the point.

The point is that she...

or toothpaste.

I'll get them at the same store

where socks are sold. Emmers, wait!

Don't call me that!

Um, enjoy my quiche.

(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

(SCREAMS)

What?

Um, there's a...

there's a man...

- A man?

- He's wearing a hazmat suit.

(KNOCKING)

It's Hal.

- What?

SHANE:
- Who's Hal?

- He's our neighbor.

- Does he always wear a hazmat suit?

What does Hal want?

EMMA:
I don't know.

Is there a reason to be afraid of Hal?

No, he's nice.

I mean, he doesn't mow his

lawn enough, but I don't...

Can I suggest that

maybe we let him in...

And then we can find out

what he wants, from his mouth.

(KNOCKING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Pete.

Hey, Hal.

Emma.

Hey, Hal.

You guys having a party?

Just brunch.

Oh, that's cool.

I guess I missed my invite.

It's a couples thing.

Oh. Oh, okay. So I invite you

guys to all my game nights,

My barbecues, but since Linda left me, I

guess I don't even socialize anymore.

No, Hal, we didn't... no, we

never intended to... I mean...

Hal. Hal, why are you

wearing a hazmat suit?

Are you kidding?

You really don't know

you're wearing a hazmat suit?

- You guys haven't heard?

- Heard what?

That a bunch of dirty bombs

were set off downtown.

Uh, what's a dirty bomb, bro?

It's a radiological weapon.

It combines radioactive material

and conventional explosives.

I'm sorry. Is this like...

are you joking?

No. I was watching the U.T.

Game, and the news cut in.

You guys didn't notice that the power and

the cell phones and land lines all went out?

You just thought you

forgot to pay your bill?

Wait. So how many bombs?

What was the blast radius?

Five or six.

It was right downtown.

Oh, my god. It took out half

the financial district.

- Most of Messenier Park.

- Oh, I love that park.

God, I hope

the taffy guy is okay.

That's like...

that's like 12 miles away.

If five or six... yeah. Then

the national news cut in.

They said there were attacks on

Los Angeles, New York, Orlando.

And they were about to

say more, but the TV cut out.

Orlando? Someone thinks Orlando is on

par with New York and Los Angeles?

Did they say

who did set them off?

Were there any ships or...

- Ships? - You know, were the

attackers not of this earth?

Anyway, the radiation cloud

is probably coming.

So I would recommend that you guys

probably tape up your windows,

Close the air vents,

put on your hazmat suits.

Who the f*** has a hazmat suit?

Yeah.

I have a hazmat suit.

Hal, if we're supposed to stay inside,

then what are you doing here?

Batteries in my emergency flashlight died,

so I was gonna see if you had any extras.

What kind of batteries?

(CHUCKLES)

I don't... what do you even

use "d" batteries for?

Emergency flashlights.

Do you want to check?

We don't have any.

Yeah. No.

Okay. Well, you guys enjoy

your couples-only brunch.

Yeah, wait, wait, wait. You can't

just leave us here like this.

Yeah, I can.

So that just happened.

(CHUCKLES)

Whoa! That was awesome!

Who is that dude?

It's finally going down.

It's going to be fine.

I just need my Adderall.

Well, I guess

I'm not going anywhere.

Okay. Uh, all right. Uh, we

heard what he said. Right?

- We need to secure the house. - Okay,

you don't actually believe that guy, do you?

He's probably just huffing some

paint fumes in his garage...

And making this up

to screw with us.

No, it makes sense.

It's invasion 101.

You cut off all lines of communication

to keep the locals confused.

Radio! If this is for real,

it'll be all over the radio.

What about the one my mom

got us for Christmas?

- No. I sold that at a garage sale.

- What? Why?

Because we already have a clock by the

bed, and that one was really ugly.

- When did we have a garage sale? -I had one

when you were in Singapore for your convention.

- You had a garage sale when I was out

of town? - I did! You keep everything!

Another radio? Guys, do

you have another radio?

Is there another radio

besides that one?

How about some of us

look for a radio...

And the rest of us gather supplies

so we can seal up the house?

And if some of us just want to

chill, that's... that's cool too.

Break!

(SIGHS) I'll keep

an eye on the window.

All right.

(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

When was the last time we cleaned this?

This is ridiculous.

Oh, my god.

"d" batteries. Oops.

You guys have enough rat poison

down here to kill Chuck E. Cheese.

What is the deal?

Costco is the deal.

Ohh! No.

No?

Oh, sweet!

You found a radio!

(GRUNTS) Check it out.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

I don't think that's gonna help

out in our current situation.

Can we just focus

on the task at hand?

What if a bunch of marauders come and

we need to whack them with something?

(CRASH)

Hedy?

Hedy?

- God! There's so much spackling tape!

- Hey. Hey.

It's gonna be all right.

Hey, why didn't you tell me?

About what?

About the divorce.

Is this really the time to be

having his conversation?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes