It's a Disaster Page #9

( GLOCKENSPIEL)

(TOGETHER) Mothers

Tell your children...

No!

- What the f***?

- What gives?

(OTHERS SHOUTING)

- Shut up!

Now, if you guys wanna sing "kumbaya"

as the world's about to end,

Then by my guest.

But I'm not gonna just sit in

here and lay down like a dog.

Now, the way I see it,

We've an hour, maybe two,

Before the air runs out.

So if we're gonna make a move,

it's gotta be right now.

Yeah, but what move is that?

I'm taking the S.U.V.,

and I'm getting outta here.

Where are you gonna go?

I don't know.

Is that my backpack?

Yeah.

If I roll up the windows,

kill the A.C.

It'll give me some time.

Not long, but...

Maybe enough time to find

something, anything.

And it might be

a fool's errand,

But I'm not gonna regret it.

'cause I know that if I die,

At least I died trying.

Who's with me?

(DOOR SLAMS)

(MURMURING, CLEARING THROATS)

Okay, everybody take calm,

short breaths to conserve air.

And keep the talking to a minimum.

Right.

Starting now.

Are we ready?

Here we go.

(IGNITION CLICKS)

Say, Glenn, when you

checked my radio earlier,

Did you remember to

turn the car off after?

Lexi... Lexi was in here

listening to music.

Lexi.

Lexi was listening...

We were in here too.

Oh, my gosh.

( CLASSICAL, MELANCHOLY)

( GLOCKENSPIEL:
SINGLE NOTE REPEATING)

I know I'm new

to the group, but...

I think we should

set the table and...

Eat like we were supposed to.

You know, I think we

should eat and drink...

And swap stories,

You know, and... and...

and enjoy couples brunch...

The way we were meant to.

I can be down for that.

It would be a shame to see

my quiche go to waste.

Yeah. Well,

then let's do it.

Is your quiche vegan? Yes.

How about you, Shane?

You hungry?

Nah, I'm good.

HEDY:
Come on, Shane.

When the north Koreans come...

And they take you away

to some makeshift camp,

They're probably not gonna feed

you anything more than gruel...

For, like, days.

North Korean food does suck.

Okay, okay.

Well, great.

Right?

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Okay, good.

Let's... let's do this.

I'm gonna go grab

some wine. Yeah?

Okay.

(WIND WHISTLING)

( PIANO, CLASSICAL)

EMMA:
Okay, I got one.

Uh, something

I've never told anyone.

When I used to work at that

pizza place in college,

Um, I used to take money

from the register.

Wow. Really?

Mm-hmm, yep.

Why? So I could steal it, Pete.

Why do you think? All right.

Yeah, granted, but...

How much... how much did you take?

Uh, you know,

Probably just,

like, three grand.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Just, like, three grand?

And I'm... I'm impressed. That's... wow.

Thank you.

BUCK:

Okay. I've got one.

This is something

I've never told anyone.

I f***ing love love actually.

There's nothing wrong with that.

I'm serious. I watch it every Christmas.

Why are you ashamed of that?

I love that movie.

I'm not anymore.

I'm free now.

You worked through it.

I'm proud of you.

- I think I killed somebody.

(CHATTERING STOPS)

This one night,

I was driving home,

And this homeless guy just stepped

right out in front of me.

Bam.

And I just took off.

Well, Pete, I'm sure there was

nothing you could've done.

Oh, no, there was.

He was still breathing

when I left.

(FOOTSTEPS DESCENDING STAIRS)

TRACY:
Glenn?

I'll be up in a minute.

Glenn, what are you doing down here?

Everybody...

Tracy, are you familiar

with the rapture?

The band...

Or the blondie song?

The prophecies

in the book of revelations.

No, I don't like

where this is going.

At the end of times,

all true believers...

Who are alive

before Armageddon...

Which is the final battle

of the apocalypse,

Which... Had clearly started...

Will be taken by god

from earth to heaven.

All the nonbelievers...

Will be forced to walk

a hell on earth...

For a seven-year period

of tribulations...

In which they will

sit in judgment.

I fear for all of you.

I love you, Tracy,

and I love your friends.

I have huge love for them,

And I want to help

with their judgment.

Tracy, I...

Would like to ask you...

To sit beside me at the

marriage supper of the lamb.

(WHIMPERS)

(QUAVERING VOICE) Oh, man.

Well...

(SIGHS)

Honey?

Oh, whoa!

Yeah.

EMMA:
Honey? Yeah.

He's crazy.

Who's crazy?

He's crazy.

Glenn.

I think he's really cool.

I do. Yeah.

- I think...

- No. No, no, no.

He's certifiable. He belongs in

a tiny little padded room...

With one tiny little window.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(CHUCKLING) Hey.

PETE:
- I found some wine. Perfect timing.

EMMA:
- Great.

And I'm sure, Tracy,

That you are probably just...

Taking one thing

about that person...

And blowing it

out of proportion.

No. No. No, I'm not.

I'm not.

You always think that I am,

but I never am. I never am.

I know you think that I'm some sad,

pathetic character from a Cathy cartoon...

Or a sitcom that Brooke

shields would've been in.

But it's true.

It's always true.

He poisoned your wine,

by the way.

(GAGS)

- What? He did what?

Guilty as charged.

What the f***? Glenn, you're

a guest in this house.

- That is not f***ing cool, dude.

- No!

- Okay. Everybody calm down.

- You calm down!

I am calm, Shane.

I'm extremely calm.

- We can see that, Glenn.

- What's in this?

Well, I crushed up

about 40 sleeping pills...

And, uh, 30 muscle relaxants.

And then I put in a... a good

heaping amount of rat poison.

Are you trying to kill us?

Yes, Hedy, I'm trying

to kill you.

Oh, well, then that

would do the trick.

That Jesus Christ... sorry...

is gonna put us all on trial?

You're paraphrasing.

She's paraphrasing.

Oh, okay. My bad. My bad.

Let me rephrase that.

Johnny crazy balls over here is gonna

save us all from seeing Armageddon.

That movie was awesome. So that

is what is going to happen?

Okay, let me rephrase that.

Please.

This is very serious.

Every one of you

sitting at this table...

Will sit before St. Peter

as he judges you...

To see whether you gain

entrance into heaven.

Now, I am going to heaven.

That is a fact.

I desperately want you

all to join me there.

If you drink this wine, you

stand a far greater chance...

Of spending the rest

of eternity in heaven.

- Wow. You were right.

- You see?

You see? Do you see?

Is sh*t in the Bible,

or are you making this up?

"No one knows

the days or hours,

(TOGETHER) not even

the angels in heaven."

Matthew 24:
36.

Lexi. Yes.

You see, Buck, I teach

this for a living,

So I know what

I'm talking about.

- I thought you said you teach history.

- Because I do teach history.

I teach bible history.

That is history.

You didn't put that in your

internet profile, now, did ya?

I thought you met

at a grocery store.

I don't wanna be

the one to say this,

But I think Glenn might

actually be onto something.

What? Have you gone f***in' insane too?

No offense.

Purely from

a biological standpoint,

When the nerve gas

slips into the house...

And it will eventually

slip into the house...

We are all going to go

through a very long...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes