It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World Page #4

Madam, do be careful.

I have some cactus specimens...

- Oh!

- I'm most frightfully sorry.

I've been gathering some samples

of desert flora.

Where shall I put this?

Boy.

Good morning.

It certainly is. We're in a hurry.

We've got to get to a phone.

Of course, with pleasure.

Jolly nasty accident there.

Jolly lucky nobody was hurt.

Where did you get that funny accent?

Are you from Harvard or something?

Harvard? Rather not. I'm English.

Sounds so foreign.

Really? I say,

we haven't introduced ourselves.

My name is Algernon Hawthorne...

Col. Hawthorne.

- You're a colonel?

- Lieutenant colonel, actually.

My name is Finch. This is my wife.

This is my mother-in-law, Mrs. Marcus.

Do stuff those in the back.

Cactus. It's rather a hobby of mine.

Spent the last 10 days

gathering some for my collection.

Nothing spectacular, actually.

Cereus echinocactus, opuntia.

That sort of thing.

Been enjoying a spot of leave

from Vandenberg.

- From what?

- Vandenberg.

The missile place.

I've been attached there

for the last 10 months. Liaison work.

All very hush-hush and whoosh-whoosh.

That sort of thing, you know.

Please, will you look at the road?

Yes. Whoosh-whoosh.

- Don't stop! Keep moving!

- Mother!

That big stupid lout! He ran into us.

Keep moving!

I won't fly in this old...

Listen to it.

Look at how it's shuddering.

Can't we go on our second honeymoon

and forget all about this?

Honey, please, darling.

Believe me, everything is all right.

Do you think I'd take a chance with you

if there was any danger

in flying this thing?

This plane is really built.

When was this plane built?

1916. These planes are tried and true.

There's nothing experimental

about these planes.

So, come on.

Let's have one big adventure.

Get up there and have some fun.

Here we go.

- That scratched the paint.

- Help!

Haven't you got another car...

What? All right. Thanks.

Are you sure you can't rent us

that truck? I'll pay.

I told you, we can't.

This is our first week open.

How could we do without our truck?

We're in business.

We'll have to speak to the Englishman.

If we tell him what happened...

How can you admit we're involved...

- He'll say he's entitled to a share.

- He would be if he drove us there.

If we don't tell him, he won't.

You're such a genius.

Listen! Only 10 percent!

There's no reason

he should expect any more!

Thanks for stopping.

Can you give me a lift?

What's with the kiddy bicycle?

Are you some kind of a nut?

No. I had an accident.

I got to get to Santa Rosita fast.

Can't help you.

I'm turning off a little way up.

Wait, let me think.

I got to tell somebody.

Could you spare a couple of hours?

Couple of hours?

You've been out in the sun too long.

You're starting to crack up.

Wait a minute. Listen.

Just hear me out.

What I'm gonna tell you, you just ain't

going to believe it could've happened.

There was an accident here

a little while back...

...about 20 miles back.

It involved $350,000.

Now, like I say...

...when I tell you this, you just ain't

going to believe it could've happened.

Try me. I'm pretty gullible.

What bothers me is this big W.

You sure you told me all you know?

You don't know what that guy meant?

No, none of them know.

It's just who gets there first.

What do you say? Is it a deal?

Um... Deal!

Kid, you better get

that bike out of there.

Somebody could trip over it in the dark.

Fellas, I'm glad you're here.

Look, I need your help.

I had this blowout.

I think a spare's in the back.

It may be a little flat.

Is there an airport anyplace around?

If the spare's flat, don't fix it.

Give me a new tire.

You ain't got a new tire, fix the spare.

But don't look at me, move it.

You could be gassing up.

What is it, a staring contest?

Move, move, will you? Come on!

The pension in my grade...

...has not been upped

one red cent since 1934.

Now... Uh...

If the Mayor

will get behind a resolution...

What can I do?

I can't put any pressure on the Mayor!

You can, Al.

That's the whole point.

This case,

I'll have finished by tonight.

It's one of the biggest cases

we've ever had across our books.

Tell the Mayor about it.

Tell him the money is right here,

where I always said it was...

...right in this neighborhood.

Tell him what credit will be reflected

upon the department.

Come on, Aloysius,

get in there and pitch for me.

I can try.

He'll listen to you.

If he gets behind this,

it'll pass unanimously.

Now, you know...

You know, Al, I got it coming.

I'll do everything I can.

- You know that, don't you?

- Yes.

There's just one other little thing...

No. Nothing.

Vacation.

Once I get Smiler Grogan out of the way,

my desk is clear.

I'd like to take a three-week vacation.

Take Ginger on a real nice holiday.

- Is that all right with you?

- Of course it's all right.

Thanks. I can hardly wait to tell her.

- You won't forget about the Mayor?

- No.

I'll do my best. I promise you that.

Aloysius,

I'll never forget you for this.

You know something, Al?

I got a feeling this morning...

...that everything's coming my way.

Sylvester!

- Why did you do that?

- Why are you shouting?

- Do you have to scare everybody?

- Are you crazy?

Why didn't I think?

We've been running around like lunatics.

Why didn't I think about Sylvester?

He's sitting there right now.

- He lives on Silver Strand Beach.

- I never thought of that.

- Who on earth is Sylvester?

- My son, Emmeline's brother.

He's a lifeguard there.

I'm not entirely certain

that you haven't damaged this machine.

Kid, don't mind polishing.

I got a lot of cars. Don't bother.

You did a good job.

Have a drink on me. Keep the change.

I took care of your buddy.

Let me go now.

You!

No! It's that lunatic

who escaped from the asylum!

Watch him! He's a homicidal maniac!

Get on the phone, yell "Mayday."

Listen to me. I'm a psychiatrist.

This man is insane! I'm not your nurse.

He has a hate complex.

Calm down!

Somebody will stumble

over the bicycle in the dark, huh?

When I finish with you, they'll be

stumbling over you in the dark!

Get on the phone!

Look out!

Look, I was clowning.

Get out of here! Sir, wait a minute.

You've got this all...

Why don't you stop?

I tell you. I'll kill you!

You got this... Wait!

Don't take it so...

Will you stop staring and get out of...

He's out of his head.

- He's crazy!

- Want us to call... Ray!

It's a brand-new pump!

- Get out of here!

- Stop that!

Stop that! He's crazy!

Hey.

Very good. Quick thinking.

I'm proud of you.

Very good. Tie him up.

I'll have some orderlies come by

with a straitjacket.

- Very good. I'm proud of you.

- I never saw anything...

- How many people has he killed?

- There'll be more.

Tie him up for the boys

in the white jackets.

I'm proud of you, boys.

You did a real good job.

Look me up. I'm in the book.

Dr. Zillman.

- Sir, we've got to get to Santa Rosita.

- I tell you, this is a club.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes