It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World Page #6

Can't you make this thing

go a little faster?

Wide open, I can.

But wide open eats up a lot of gas.

Then open up wide. I'll pay for the gas.

- It'll cost you about $50.

- Okay, I'll pay when we land.

- Now!

- I got to pay now?

- Now!

- All right, I'll pay you now.

- Melville...

- What?

A bug! Get him off!

Get him off! There he is! Get him!

- You're breaking up the airplane!

- Is it down there?

Now you're breaking the floor!

- Help!

- Melville!

None of these 10 people

have any record at all.

And we're ready to book 'em

for withholding information...

...causing accidents,

failing to report accidents...

...reckless driving, theft, at least

three cases of assault and battery...

- Capt. Culpeper?

- Yeah.

- That my home?

- Yes, sir.

Uh, Sheriff, excuse me. Another call.

Take the Sheriff. I'll take it in here.

Freddy, transfer Mrs. Culpeper

to Culpeper's office.

- Hello, Ginger?

- Daddy, it's Billie Sue.

Oh. Let me speak with

your mother, sweetheart.

Well?

Ah, dear.

Tell me something, Ginger.

How does it feel being married...

...to the most brilliant personality

in the law enforcement industry?

Are you referring to yourself?

Ginger, I want you to prepare yourself

for a little shock.

When I tell you what has happened...

So tell me.

I've got this biscuit dough...

The Smiler Grogan case is solved.

The what?

What the hell is the Smiler Grogan case?

The tuna factory robbery.

The case I've been talking about

for the last 15 years.

All I want you to do

is make all the preparations...

...for a little flight to Hawaii,

Sunday morning.

- So what's the gag?

- It is no gag.

Are you serious

about flying to Hawaii?

Flight 7, Sunday morning.

- Are we taking Billie Sue?

- No!

Just the two of us

for about three weeks.

Now, we're going to celebrate, Ginger.

My feeling is that after 27 years...

...we've earned it.

What's the matter?

- I need help. Can you give me a lift?

- What?

My wife is sick.

The doc sent me out for some medicine.

All right. Come on.

- I just ran out of gas.

- Get in!

- You?

- You?

Wait a minute. We're in trouble.

Everybody's in trouble.

Get out of the way.

You think we wanted

to leave you back there?

It was my son-in-law

and that Englishman.

What Englishman? Get out of the way.

You leave us here,

and you know what you're going to get?

Nothing! We'll get it all.

How will you do that?

I'll call my son. He lives

about 10 miles from Rosita Beach.

He'll drive there and get the money

and we're going to have it. That's how!

I was going to offer you a share

for taking us to a phone.

But because you're not interested,

we'll wait for another car.

We're making a terrible mistake.

We should go back

and get my mother-in-law.

- Go back?

- Yes.

You couldn't be serious.

All she has to do is get to a telephone,

my brother-in-law will get there first.

They'll get all and we won't get a dime.

You can believe that.

But look here.

Even if she does get all the money,

this won't make any difference...

...to our agreement.

She wouldn't break her word.

I mean to say, I'd still be entitled

to 10 percent as agreed. Surely.

Surely. Come on, let's go.

- Operator.

- Santa Rosita 7-1-9-6-5.

...and then that dirty, rotten,

slimy bum that double-crossed me.

When I get a hold of that smart aleck,

what I'm going to do...

If you're there, I hope you turn away...

...that's all,

that you just look the other way.

Did you get him?

Maybe he went out

for the papers or something.

We can keep on trying.

Just supposing we never do get him?

We might be the last ones there.

Just a minute. Down there?

You're kidding. It's too steep.

I drive my jeep down here every day.

Let's go!

Yeah, let's go. Let's...

You can turn around here.

I sure appreciate this, mister. Thanks.

Yeah, swell, yeah.

Hi, Eddie.

I got to get out of here.

Will you ask your father to show me?

There must be some other way out!

Come on! Hurry up!

I could show you a way out.

There's another way to the road.

You know another way to the road?

Good. Come on in. Don't stand there.

If you show me the way out,

I'll give you $1.

- Hm... $3.

- $3? Why, you...

Yeah, all right. I'll give you $3.

But don't stand there, hop in the car.

Hurry kid, I got to get out of here!

- They're not here.

- Probably got a lift.

We only passed six or seven cars

and they weren't in them.

Somebody must have

taken them the other way.

I think we better go back

to that place we phoned from.

What? That's miles

in the wrong direction.

Besides, we can't be certain

they'll be there.

I don't know, I must find my wife.

And I don't know what to do.

Wherever they are...

...surely the most sensible thing

is for the two of us to press on.

For all we know, your brother-in-law

may be out or away somewhere.

Even if he were the first there,

he still has to find the money.

I earnestly recommend

we forget your good ladies...

...and press on

with all possible dispatch.

All right. We'll press on

with all possible dispatch.

And I don't really think

that personal rancor...

...is going to help the situation,

if I may say so.

Okay, come on, honey.

Let's go. We're here.

We got here first. Let's go.

Come on. I got you.

Atta boy, baby.

We made it. We're here first.

Take care of my car

until we get back, right?

Come on, let's go.

Will you go? Come on!

Over there?

There?

Down there?

That'll be $2.90.

$2.90? Here's $3.00.

Keep the change, but wait for us, okay?

Oh, sure.

Wise guy. Come on, let's go.

- No, we're closed. It's 12:00.

- It's 12:
00. They're closed.

Wait a minute!

All we want is a pick and a shovel!

Mr. Dinkler's inside.

Dinkler. That's it.

We'll get Dinkler. Come on.

Ah!

Downstairs. Come on.

They must be here someplace.

Down here, yeah.

Look for a pick and a shovel, all right?

Pick and a shovel,

must be someplace around.

That's all I need.

That's all I need, boy.

That's all I need, a pick and a shovel.

I found it!

Got it!

- But there...

- I got it! I found it!

I've no wish to quarrel with you,

but speaking as a representative...

...of Her Majesty's Armed Forces,

I take the most particular exception...

You want me to tell you something?

As far as I'm concerned...

...the whole British race

is practically finished.

If we hadn't kept

your whole country afloat...

...by giving you billions

you never even said thank you for...

...the whole phony outfit would be

sunk under the Atlantic years ago.

Hey.

- What are you stopping for?

- Get out of this machine.

Get out? You're crazy!

It's my machine.

I'll do as I bloody well please. Out!

I'm awfully sorry.

I've been very edgy today.

If I said anything about England,

I apologize.

I'm glad to hear you say so.

I must say, if I had the misfortune

to be a citizen

of this benighted country...

...I should be most hesitant

in offering any criticism of any other.

Wait a minute.

Are you knocking this country?

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