It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World Page #7

Are you saying something

against America?

Against it?

I'd be astounded to hear

anything said for it.

The whole bloody place

is the most unspeakable matriarchy...

...in the history of civilization.

Look at yourself, the way your wife

and her strumpet of a mother...

...push you through the hoop.

As far as I can see, American men

have been totally emasculated.

They're like slaves.

They die like flies

from coronary thrombosis...

...while their women sit under

hair dryers eating chocolates...

...and arranging for every second

Tuesday to be some sort of Mother's Day.

And this positively infantile

preoccupation with bosoms.

In all my time

in this wretched country...

...the one thing that has appalled me

most is this preoccupation with bosoms.

They've become the dominant theme

in American culture:

In literature, in advertising,

in entertainment, in everything.

I'll wager you anything you like...

...if American women

stopped wearing brassieres...

...your whole national economy

would collapse overnight.

F-7 to Central.

The Crumps are locked...

...in the hardware store basement.

Shall I let them out? Over.

How could they get locked in a basement?

- We better let them out.

- That ain't fair.

- It ain't fair? What ain't fair?

- They got themselves in there.

They ought to be able

to get themselves out.

Uh, after all, if you help them,

you're not being fair to the others.

But the moment anybody

gets to where they're going...

...we'll pick them up.

What difference does it make

who gets there first?

It's a race, ain't it?

Why do you want to help that dentist?

Me? I've been pulling for that guy Pike

with the furniture van.

The rules should be the same

for everybody.

Otherwise, it just ain't fair.

Central to F-7.

No. We'll leave them where they are.

See what happens.

Watch all the exits,

but render no assistance. Over.

Are you happy?

I need a drink.

There's some ice and stuff back there.

Make us all some Old Fashioneds.

You think you ought to drink

while you're flying?

Stop kidding and make us some drinks.

Just press the button back there

marked "booze."

It's the only way to fly.

Estimated speed 175.

We'll never be able to keep up with him.

Better have some of the other units

intercept. Over.

Hello, Ginger?

What's the matter now?

It's Billie Sue.

Her new boyfriend Oscar...

...was supposed to come down

from Pomona just to meet us.

So now she told him

we were going away.

What? What's the matter?

You keep forgetting.

If a girl is 6 feet 5 inches tall...

...she's bound to have special problems.

- But, Ginger...

- They had some argument...

Get out!

...screaming at each other.

Now the whole engagement's off...

...and she says she's leaving.

Leaving what? Leaving home?

Let me talk to her.

Get her to the phone.

I'll try. Just a minute.

Talk to your father.

I won't.

I don't want to talk to him ever.

Don't be ridiculous.

Whatever else he is, he is your father.

Ah!

Ah!

Ooh! Yeah! Ah!

Oh!

You hear bells, baby?

Yes?

- Who is that?

- Who's that?

I want my son! Hey!

Who is that?

I want to speak to Sylvester Marcus.

- Sylvester?

- Yeah, baby?

It's your mom.

Ah! Good old Mom. Hello!

- Sylvester?

- Is that you, Mom?

Of course it's me.

I've been trying you all morning.

I've been a little busy.

I've been working

and I didn't hear the phone.

Hold on a minute, will you, Mom?

Baby, how about a beer or something?

Man, I feel like...

Will you listen?

Something's happened.

There was an accident this

morning. A man got killed!

Who got killed?

- Now, listen!

- You all right?

- Pay attention!

- Sis all right?

- Will you listen?

- What's wrong?

Can you hear me?

There's a whole fortune in cash.

You can get it before anybody else,

but you've got to hurry!

What's the matter? What's going on

there? Are you all right?

Of course I'm all right. Sylvester!

Are Russell and Emmeline with you?

Forget about Russell.

Will you shut up and let me talk?

What's going on? Where's Russell?

Don't even mention Russell!

- When I tell you what Russell did...

- Just tell him about the dough.

Keep out of this! Shut up!

- Don't talk. Just listen.

- What did Russell do?

He assaulted me, if you wanna know!

He grabbed me beside the road.

He and this Englishman

I don't even know!

Who's with you and where are you?

I'm with this truck driver

in Peterson's Garage in Plaster City.

Will you shut up a minute

so I can tell you what happened?

Listen to me close! Stay there,

'cause I'm coming to get you right now.

Shut up and listen!

Everything's going to be all right.

Your baby's coming to get you.

- Sit there. Relax. Take it easy.

- Sylvester!

I'm coming.

Everything's going to be all right.

Well?

So he's coming here,

and I'm not to worry about a thing.

Because everything

is going to be all right.

A big, stupid, muscle-headed moron!

The burglar alarm.

We just throw it on, people hear it,

they come, and we're out.

Don't be frightened

if it makes a big bell noise.

Okay? All right? Here we go.

- I don't hear anything.

- Neither do I. There's no bell.

Look at it. It just stands there.

Wait a minute.

Stand back.

Burglar alarm!

The stupidest burglar in the world

could come in...

...and walk away with everything,

and we can't even get out.

Sheesh!

Come here!

Melville? Melville!

Even if you do get the bell to ring

and somebody comes...

...what about the damage?

They're the ones who locked us in!

This thing has got to work.

No!

Please, help me! I'm frying!

Ah! Please! Help me!

Uh... Don't make them

so sweet this time.

You've had two already.

Can't you wait till we're on the ground?

What are you talking about?

I'll make the next batch.

You take the controls.

- I don't know how to fly an airplane.

- There's really nothing to it.

- But Benjy can't fly!

- Nonsense. Anybody can fly a plane.

I'll check you out.

Put your little hands on the wheel.

That's it. Now you have it.

Now the feet on the rudder.

There you are, feet on the rudder.

Who says this boy can't fly a plane?

There you go.

I'm making an Old Fashioned

the old-fashioned way...

...the way dear old Dad used to.

What if something happens?

What can happen

to an Old Fashioned, all right?

I know you don't know what to do,

so don't do nothing.

- I won't do nothing.

- That boy's a natural-born flyer.

Wait a minute. Benjy! Benjy!

Ease back on her!

- I'm easing.

- Ease back a little!

- I'm trying my best.

- All kidding aside...

I'm not kidding any longer.

It's making me...

...nervous!

Hey! We've got an accident back here!

- What happened?

- I don't know!

Oh!

It's good that truck pulled over.

I can't stand this anymore.

In the name of reason,

pull yourself together.

You were 10 feet over the line.

Uh!

Oh! So it's fisticuffs you want, is it?

Right. Stick them up!

- No! No!

- Come here, you coward!

No! Don't hit me!

- Stop, you!

- Don't hit me!

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