It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World Page #9

The man at the controls should

also be the man on the radio.

- Here. Put 'em on.

- No. I don't want to!

Put 'em on!

He said the fella flying

should be on this thing.

Am I supposed to do everything?

You want me to fly, work the radio?

What are you? The hostess?

No, he's got to take charge.

What's the matter with him?

He's just sitting there, rigid-like.

If he catches you at that keyhole,

you'll be rigid-like.

- He didn't want to be disturbed.

- He keeps looking at the wall.

He'll have to be disturbed

if any of this develops further.

I bet you any amount of money that

we could get on the ball and get...

Everything's under control, Chief.

- You okay, Chief?

- Yes. Why?

- How's it going?

- Something's bound to happen soon.

Take a look at this.

Those two in the basement

started a fire...

...then set off fireworks.

They still didn't get out.

Those two guys in the airplane

had an accident...

...knocked the pilot unconscious.

The control tower

is trying to talk them down.

The others...

Aerial report that the man,

Otto Meyer, had an accident.

He tried to cross a river

and he lost his car.

Now he's on foot,

walking back to the main road.

This fella Pike, he's here...

...coming in on 94 with Mrs. Marcus

and her daughter, Mrs. Finch.

Mr. Finch and this Algernon,

whatever his name is. The limey.

They're about five

or six miles behind...

...in an Avis Chevrolet they rented

in Canyon City.

And this Sylvester Marcus,

the one the old lady called...

...he's about here going

in the other direction.

They all ought to be meeting up

in about five minutes.

You know what I believe I'd like?

A chocolate fudge sundae

with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Dingy, don't let this worry you.

We're gonna get killed.

Men,

this is Col. Wilberforce speaking.

These gentlemen here have asked me

to take charge of this situation...

...so I immediately said

that I'd be glad to take charge of it.

Before I say anything else...

I don't think he's going to

help us, Dingy.

Yes he is, Benjy. He'll help us.

Now, just have confidence in him.

He's a colonel. Listen to him.

Steady, men.

I'm told that neither of you

has had flying experience.

Before I say anything else...

...I want to congratulate you

on having done so well...

...uh, so far.

Now, first of all, men,

I'll explain what we intend to do.

You can't land the airplane

until you've made your approach.

And you can't make your approach until

you've made a long slow turnaround...

...down to the south.

And we've got to be clear

on a few things

before you can start

that long slow turn.

Now, the stick that you're holding,

that is, I assume that...

Men, are you holding that stick?

Is somebody holding that stick? Over!

What stick? The wheel.

I'm holding it.

- We're both holding it.

- Good.

For a second there, I was afraid...

Never mind that.

Now I'll explain the controls.

It's important that you understand that.

Because if you don't,

I'm afraid what might...

- You want a lift?

- Yes, thank you very much.

It's nice of you to stop.

- I'm going as far as Santa Rosita Park.

- That's out of my way.

- We're blocking traffic.

- We are?

Let's move it. Move it.

There we go. All right.

You hide behind the counter.

I'll light up a fuse.

Melville, will you just do one thing

for me before you use the dynamite?

Try hitting the door just once more.

Honey, I broke my back on that door.

That's a hard door. I mean...

Okay.

Where's the sledgehammer?

This staircase isn't safe anymore.

The fire burned it all out.

Please?

All right.

You're going to...

Melville, for God...

Melville!

Monica...

...now let's forget about the door, huh?

Look out!

- What?

- They've spotted us.

- Who have?

- Don't stop. Keep going.

- What is this?

- Helicopter. They've seen us.

What helicopter?

- That's a police helicopter.

- They always use them.

- Who?

- Who do you think? Look...

I don't want to talk about this,

but they got me hemmed in.

- Who?

- Will you shut up and listen?

I'm going to break a rule that says

we must never reveal our true identity.

This is a matter of life or death,

a desperate situation.

- What is?

- Will you shut up and listen?

Look, I haven't got much time,

so if you love your country...

...if you're a patriot, you'll listen,

and listen hard.

You gotta get to a phone

and make a call.

- I don't got...

- You got to call Intelligence.

Central Intelligence Agency

in Washington, D.C.

- What on earth...

- Now, listen!

You tell 'em you heard from X-27.

You got it? X-27.

X-27 told you to tell them they've made

three attempts on my life today.

They tried to drown me.

Can you handle a gun? Now, look... Oh!

There's a cafe. Pull right in there.

You'll use that phone.

- I don't think I...

- Shut up! You're in no danger.

They've never seen ya. Now, pull in.

All right, good. Get to a phone.

Tell the operator "emergency priority,"

then ask for the CIA.

Jump out. Come on, come on.

You're in no danger.

They don't know you.

You're all right.

I'll duck the car and come back.

For God's sake,

don't stand in the street.

They'll see you. They'll spot you!

Move it. Yah! Go!

And... Sylvester! It's Sylvester!

Turn around, you idiot!

What do you want to stop him for?

He's going the wrong way.

It's my son. Do as you're told, stupid.

They're nuts.

Tell them the tow truck turned around

and is following the Dodge.

2-1-7-1, 2-1-5-9.

This is stupid.

You call me a stupid idiot.

Let me tell you something.

You're a stupid idiot.

- He'll go all the way to Plaster City.

- So he goes to Plaster City.

I don't know about you,

but I'm turning this thing around.

Now, you want to catch him,

you get out and run.

Let's stop arguing. Please.

The reason we're together

is because they only had one car.

Let's get there, even if we are last.

Whatever the outcome of the day,

I shall never forget that you hit me...

...when I wasn't even looking.

Yeah.

Russell!

- How can you be so slow?

- I've had just about enough out of you.

If ya turned quicker

we coulda caught him!

- Why don't you shut up?

- Russell! There!

It's Russell and Mr. Hawthorne!

Stop them! Catch them!

We gonna start that again?

Faster! Step on it!

Blow the horn, you big dope!

What do you want them for anyway?

Keep up with them.

You're falling behind.

Sylvester! Mother! Sylvester!

Stop him! Don't let him get away!

I say, what's that chap

honking his hooter for?

It's probably some road hog

who thinks he owns...

- What?

- What?

I got to ask you something about Mama!

Russell, wait a minute!

- It's my brother-in-law.

- What's he doing?

Be careful of him. He's not normal.

You're getting me...

Boy, are you bugging me, man!

I'm going to nail...

I'm getting bugged now!

Whoa, man.

Russell, if you don't pull over,

I'll kill you!

I'm warning you,

pull over and stop.

I said stop!

You asked for it.

Russell,

when I get my hands on you...

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