It's Alive

Honey?

Frank?

What's the matter,

is he kicking again?

No, it's time.

- You always make me feel so...

- Oh.

Frank.

- You're awful.

- Okay.

Alright, let's get ready, huh?

Okay.

Okay?

Frank?

Oh, honey? You'd better go

wake up Chris.

Huh?

Chris?

Come on, I got your number.

Come on, attaboy.

Oh, Dad, what time is it?

You know what time it

is, it's time to get up.

I have to drop you off

at Charley's house, you know.

You'll have to go

to school from there.

Why?

Well, I wonder why.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Oh, is Mom having the baby?

Oh, yes, that's a trick she does

rather well every 11 years.

I guess so.

Why don't you get dressed?

And don't forget

your books, huh?

.0 kay-

.Okay-

- Dad?

- Yeah?

Can anything happen to her?

I saw on TV in a movie once,

well, where the mother died.

Well, you know something?

Things like that happened

a long time ago.

They just don't happen

that way anymore.

- She had you, didn't she?

- Yeah.

Yeah, look at the

size of you, you big ox.

Okay, now.

Here you go.

- Let's get ready, attaboy.

- Okay.

Why can't I go with you

and Dad to the hospital?

We'd love to have you there,

but the doctors simply don't

allow little boys in hospitals.

Well if I have my tonsils

out again I can go there.

You'd be there for a week,

and we'd be home in three days.

You young whippersnappers,

you're not like the old team,

out with old Mr.

Dunston out in the plains

and the prairie,

driving those cattle,

getting their tonsils out

in the middle of the

night with no doctors.

Oh boy, you're not a

chip off the old block.

They're scouts.

Well, maybe Charley won't

like having me around.

Charley won't like

having you around?

Charley only sees his own boys

two Sundays a month,

and he loves kids.

You young whippersnapper,

kiss your mother goodbye.

Listen, uh, we'll both

give you a call

as soon as we find out whether

you've got a baby sister

or a baby brother, okay?

I don't care what it is

as long as you're okay,

and you give me

one of the puppies.

Charley!

- Honey, your book, your book.

- Oh.

Bye, Charley.

- Okay Lenore. good luck to you.

- Okay.

Call me Frank, call me.

Well pal, let's go and

whip up some French toast, huh?

I'm having my baby.

Frank:

Nurse, know what they call them?

In Ireland,

my mother used to call them,

the wee cuddies

and the wee cubs.

The wee cuddies

and the wee cubs,

I mean, where can you get that?

The wee cuddies

and the wee cubs.

Boy, I hope

I have one like that.

Sir, would you please

come to the labor room now?

It's time to go back

to the labor room.

- The labor room?

- Yes.

- Okay.

- This way.

How did you know about

the wee cuddies

and the wee cubs?

Oh, I learned about them

a long time ago.

You learned about them,

do you speak Gaelic?

- Are you Irish?

- Yes, no, Scottish.

You're Scottish, well

then, do speak Gaelic?

I do speak Gaelic.

You do speak Gaelic.

- This way, please.

- An Irish and a Gaelic.

An Irish and a Scottish lass.

Irish and Scottish lass.

Hang on to my hand, honey.

Oh honey, I'm not very brave.

This little guy's gonna kill me.

Ohh...

Well maybe I'll get a doctor.

No, no.

He's just different

than Chris, that's all.

I tried to talk to the doctor,

and make him understand.

I just couldn't make

him understand, honey.

It seems like it's different.

I think you'd better

get the nurse, honey.

Nurse, nurse, hurry up, please.

I think you'd better

go into the waiting room.

Just a minute, please.

I love you.

Oh, I'm glad, I'm glad

we decided to have the baby.

Aren't you, sweetheart?

We both want it, don't

worry about a thing.

It's not going to...

it's not going to tie you

down, is it, sweetheart?

Are you gonna feel trapped

like you did last time?

Calm down, take a deep breath.

- I can't!

- Take a deep breath.

Relax, take a deep breath.

Listen, you got something

to stir the coffee with?

Yeah, here, here, use that.

I've been using it for

the past three hours.

After a while,

you get used to the taste

of lead in your coffee.

There is an

overabundance of lead

in all the things

we eat nowadays.

We're slowly but surely

poisoning ourselves,

you know that?

Fine world to bring

a kid into, fellows.

I can cite examples.

Look, you don't

have to lecture us.

Just take a look out of the

window, look at that smog.

What difference does it make

if we breathe it or eat it?

Maybe we'll learn

to adapt to it.

I'm an exterminator.

We service the Beverly

Hills-Westwood area.

Here, here's my card.

I'm not trying to drum

up business or anything.

The point is,

the point is that years back

we developed this spray

to kill roaches and

other household pests.

Well, all we ended up doing

was creating a

new breed of roaches.

Is that right?

Bigger, stronger,

and harder to kill.

Listen, you want to play poker?

Five card draw?

Come on, might as well.

Let's clear some of this

stuff away and get going.

I just hope my wife isn't gonna

have any trouble, you know?

She did the last baby

in 45 minutes.

- No kidding?

- That's a fact.

I thought they said the

second one came faster.

You got nothing

to complain about.

My wife's been in labor

for six hours.

Son of a b*tch of a

thing stole my 50 cents.

Here's your 50 cents.

- No

- Go on, really.

Here's 50 cents.

Go on, sit down.

Read a magazine or something.

You know what's the biggest

problem in Beverly Hills?

Snails.

Yeah. Snails and slugs.

They can wipe out a lawn

in just a few weeks.

Folks feel sorry for them.

They're not like

your usual pest, you know?

Folks just hate to see

all them snails

laying on their lawns, dead.

Snails and slugs and bugs.

Any of you guys in

a happier profession?

I think we've got a

really effective anesthetic.

We'll check you before

we really do anything.

You know, I heard--

You're doing just great,

just relax.

It's really been

different than Chris.

You've done your

share, we'll do ours now.

She's fully dilated, the

head's on the perineum.

Something's wrong, I

know something's wrong.

Doctor:
It's nothing

really wrong, honey.

It's just a very,

very big baby.

It's gonna be fine,

but I need your help.

I know something's wrong.

Doctor:
How big

was your last baby?

How big was your

last baby did you say?

Seven pounds, four ounces.

I told you that this baby

was different than Chris.

This baby is just gigantic.

It's probably 10, 10 and a

half, maybe even 11 pounds.

It's got a gigantic head.

But she's got a big pelvis

and she's got

plenty of relaxation.

- L'm trying to cooperate!

- Okay.

All right, all right.

Relax, relax.

This is just immense.

Now, we're just putting forceps

on the baby's head.

Just breathe deep.

Don't push, just pant.

Now we're just

easing the baby out.

I know, but it's--

Doctor:
All right.

Now we just cut you.

You didn't feel that, did you?

- No.

- Okay, fine.

Now, the baby'll be out

in just about 30 seconds.

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