It's Complicated Page #2

Really? Oh.

Well, I'm only interested

in fixing one eye.

Jane, what you need to

fix this is a brow-lift.

A brow-lift?

What is that exactly?

Well, we surgically

cut at the hairline.

We make

an incision right here

and then we

pull the skin back

a little tighter

over your skull

and staple it in place

right over your ears.

Now, recovery is

not all that bad.

You could be quite numb, and

you'll probably have a headache

that lasts anywhere from,

say, three to six months.

Three to six months!

Oh. Awesome.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

AGNESS:
Yes, it did. I am

under a lot of pressure.

I don't know if

you're aware of that.

No, no. I think

that is something

that you should

fully be aware of.

Okay. Okay. But that's

not what you said.

Jane!

- Hey.

- (CHUCKLES) Oh! Hi.

- Hello.

- Hi.

PEDRO:
Jake. Jake.

Jake. Jake. Jake. Jake.

Jake. Jake? Hello, Jake?

Uh, hold on, Pedro.

I'm talking with somebody.

Pedro, up! Now!

(PEDRO MIMICKING GUNFIRE)

JAKE:
So, what are you

doing in this building?

Dentist.

You don't go to

Sharon anymore?

No. Changed.

Oh.

(PEDRO MIMICKING CAR ENGINE)

(PEDRO EXCLAIMING)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Yeah...

- Okay, buddy. Here we go.

PEDRO:
Jake.

Okay, Pedro, honey,

don't do that. Pedro.

- See you in the Big Apple.

- I'll see you there.

(PEDRO GRUNTING)

(WOMEN LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

That is beyond!

When the three of them

got in the elevator...

(EXCLAIMS) Between that

and the staples

and the headache

for six months...

That was the most

insane hour of my life.

(LAUGHS)

Jake has lost his mind.

Yeah, I don't know.

Oh, I know. He's a complete

prick for cheating on you.

I can't disagree

with you on that.

And then he marries her.

A known lunatic.

Well, she has a big job.

(SCOFFS)

Why do you always say that?

Because she does. She runs the

whole marketing department at KY

or whatever that

station's called.

She can't be that

big of a lunatic.

Janey, come on.

He cheats on you with her,

your 20 year marriage ends.

Then six months later,

she leaves Jake

and runs off with

some random guy,

has a baby, then leaves

that guy for Jake.

And she's not nuts?

Oh, Jo, you are so

lucky Jerry is dead.

(LAUGHS) Thank you.

No, I mean, you don't

have to bump into him.

- Well, that's true.

DIANE:
Yeah.

(TRISHA LAUGHS)

Oh, Janey,

do you wanna meet a guy

I met on Match. com

that I didn't like?

Oh, wow,

what a great offer.

No, thanks.

I don't think so.

Well, he wasn't that awful.

Sounding better

every minute.

You know, it's not healthy to not

have sex for however long it's been.

(EXHALES LOUDLY)

Trust me, I am not

not doing it on purpose.

Oh.

Okay, I don't know

if this is true...

TRISHA:
Mmm-hmm.

...but I read online

about a woman

that hadn't

done it in so long

that her vagina closed up.

(LAUGHS)

What?

Get out of here! Come on.

I swear to God,

it grew back together.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Wait, was it

ever one piece?

TRISHA:
What? Ooh, no.

No, she had to have

a vaginoplasty.

Ouch!

JANE:
Oh, God!

"Hello, Dr. Moss, I have a little

situation that needs fixing."

Bubbee. Bubbee, if you wanna

have your situation fixed,

you have to date someone.

Seriously.

(SIGHS)

Anyone.

Oh, there he is!

(GABBY EXCLAIMS)

JANE:
(GASPS) There he is!

Oh, hello.

- JANE:
Good to see you! We missed you.

- Hi!

- Who is this guy?

- Hey, hey. How are you?

Oh, I love it when we're

all in the same time zone!

So, what's up, Luke? Did you

decide to have that party?

Oh, yeah, big time.

What party?

Are you guys

going to sleep over?

Yeah, if you give us your

bed and change the sheets.

You're having

a party? When?

Hi. Adler, two rooms.

Hopefully next

to each other.

I have an Adler, J. in a

Superior Suite. Park Avenue view?

Oh, I'm sorry, here it is.

Adler, J., two standard doubles.

- Sorry about that.

- Right.

We are not the ones

in the Superior Suite.

Mmm.

Have the other Adlers checked

in yet? Just wondering.

No, they haven't, ma'am.

Not yet.

Now, I just need a credit

card and your signature.

Can the girls come with

me now and help me set up?

Oh, and by girls,

he means the three of us.

Wait, hold on.

Set up for what?

I have reservations for us for

dinner. That's not happening now?

I don't know.

Me and my friends are having

this huge thing at our apartment

and the girls said

they'd help us set up.

(SIGHS)

We're gonna be together

all day tomorrow.

Mom, it's his last night

before graduation.

Okay, okay.

Can I do anything

to help, or you know...

Love your credit card.

(LAUGHS) Oh.

Here it goes.

Once again.

(CHATTERING)

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

(WOMAN CHATTERING SOFTLY)

(EXHALES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

- Hi!

- Hi.

Adler, for one, Room 2112.

Your table is almost ready, Mrs. Adler.

- Would you like to wait in the bar?

- Sure.

BARTENDER:
Hi.

Hi.

(EXHALES)

I'll have a Pinot Noir.

Right away.

No, you know, I'll have a

very dry Tanqueray Martini,

straight up with a twist.

Mmm-hmm.

(JAKE LAUGHING)

(SOFTLY) Hey.

Where's your...

Uh, Pedro got

the stomach flu.

So, I'm flying solo.

Really? Didn't know you

knew how to be by yourself.

Any chance you

could go easy on me?

Just a one-night free pass.

(CHUCKLES)

You look good, Janey.

Yeah.

You do. You always do.

- Your hair's shorter.

- Longer.

I like it.

Mrs. Adler?

Your table is ready.

Yes? Thank you.

Do you want

some company, Mrs. Adler?

- Could we eat at the bar?

- Absolutely.

All right.

We both have to eat.

Mmm.

When was the last time

we had a meal together?

You and me? Alone? 1999.

So, come on.

Once every 10 years.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

So, how are things in

the fertility world?

I can't believe it took you

this long to bring that up.

Sperm issues?

Apparently, yes.

(SIGHS) A baby?

Really, Jake?

So, the next time you go to a

graduation, you'll be, what, 58 plus...

I believe the number

you're looking for is 79.

(CHUCKLING) Okay. Yeah.

Seriously,

how is that good?

Why are we

talking about this?

I thought we were

going to have some fun.

Where did you

get that idea?

JANE:
Why do you want to

know this? You're obsessed.

Just tell me, how long

were you seeing him for?

Oh, please,

it was five years ago.

- I know, but I always

wondered. So? - Mmm-hmm.

Little jealous?

Yes.

Oh, the man is married now.

I don't care. How long?

Eight months.

Long.

(LAUGHS) Not long.

No!

(INAUDIBLE)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(WHISTLES)

(INAUDIBLE)

(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)

This song reminds me of your birthday

party. The one in our old house.

Oh! Oh, that was

such a fun night.

So fun. You wore

that halter dress.

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah.

Oh, man.

You wanna dance?

No.

(JANE EXCLAIMS)

(BOTH WHOOPING)

You're married

to someone else!

Tell me about it.

(GASPS)

(BOTH PANTING)

(GROANS)

Home sweet home.

Oh! Oh, God!

That was one crazy ride.

I thought we were

going to break the bed.

(LAUGHING)

I'm having

an out-of-body experience.

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