It's Complicated Page #4

What is this?

I'd be lying if I said I

never think about you, Janey.

I think about you a lot.

And, no, it's not perfect at

home, obviously. Look at me.

I've got three grown kids and I'm

going to kindergarten interviews.

I'm a walking clich.

And I can't, literally,

can't stop thinking

about what happened

in New York.

Fate brought us together

once, maybe it happened again.

And I know you've moved on

with your life, I get it.

But you can't deny that something

real and honest happened that night.

Can't we just go with it?

See where it takes us?

No one has to know.

(CHUCKLES) Wow.

You were so great,

so loose and sexy.

How often do you get

to be like that?

You can run and

open restaurants

and build your

perfect kitchen.

But what about having someone to

hold you in the middle of the night?

Not high on

my list these days.

What if that someone is

someone who's known you

since you were 23?

And loved you

for most of your life.

Oh, man!

I forgot what

a good lawyer you are.

Give this a shot, Janey.

Life is short

and it's tough.

Don't discount what

we have together.

You know what they say,

"People who live in nursing

homes that have plants live longer

"than the people

without plants."

So you're saying this is

a healthy choice for me?

Honey, I know it is.

(LAUGHS)

(JANE BREATHES HEAVILY)

(JANE GROANS)

Oh, God! Oh, God!

It's official.

(WHIMPERS) We're

having an affair.

Why do you need

to label everything?

Because that's what this is.

Yes, in its crassest form maybe,

if we were two other people.

Just because we were

married for 19 years

does not not

make this an affair.

Okay, but since we were together for

so long, it's not really that wrong.

Really? You want to run

that logic by your wife?

(CHUCKLES)

Okay, will you

do me a favor?

You're on my side.

Can we switch?

I'm feeling a little,

uh, disoriented.

- Since when is this your side?

- Since 10 years ago.

Come on, just... Please?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Can I interest

you in a little...

(CHUCKLES) No.

Why do you think the sex

is so much sexier this time?

I don't know.

(LAUGHS) I got to go to work.

Okay. Me, too.

You see what happens when

you're not looking out for me.

She lets me eat everything.

Pasta, cream cheese.

(SCOFFS)

Would you hand me

my robe, please?

(CHUCKLES)

And, um, turn around.

(SCOFFS) Why do I have

to, uh, turn around?

Because the last

time you saw me

standing up naked

I was in my 40s.

Things look different

lying down. Just...

(CHUCKLES) You've

gotten kind of nuts.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

You know what, Jake,

I think it would be

really good for us

to just not talk

for a couple of days.

You know what I think,

just for the record?

I think we're doing

something kind of brilliant.

All the things that tore us

apart aren't issues anymore.

I'd say our problems

actually went away.

(LAUGHS) What?

Didn't you always say you

felt you weren't being heard?

Wasn't that our big issue?

Both of us always feeling

rejected and unappreciated.

Look at us now. You're

so much more together.

You're not exhausted

all the time.

You're not catering

every weekend

or busy all day

with the kids.

And I'm calmer.

Not as obsessed with work.

I'm a partner. I'm there.

We both grew into the people

we wanted each other to be.

Really?

Well, you're better than I am at

remembering all the details of our...

Do you remember never

having time for sex?

(LAUGHS) Now look at us.

We've already done it two times

this week and it's only Tuesday.

I swear to God, if half

the people who got divorced

got back together

after 10 years,

their problems

would be solved.

I think we're

on to something.

(CHUCKLES) Not sure

I agree with that.

And, also, we are

not back together.

And I know other divorced

people think about this.

They wonder, "What if?"

You know, I think this

is very French of us.

(LAUGHS) How is

it French of us?

I have a young wife but I am

having sex with my old wife.

Not old. You know, "ex."

I didn't mean "old."

You're doing that

thing when you act

like you're not

listening to me,

but think about

what I said, okay?

You got any of your

homemade granola here?

It's been so long

since I had any.

Oh, you miss it?

So much.

We sell it for 6.50

a bag at the store.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, well, why

give it away when you can...

(GASPS) God!

Ooh. Kiss goodbye?

Mmm.

(CHUCKLING) Ooh!

She wants to be courted.

I can do that. Oh, honey,

thanks for the coffee.

Oh, God!

(WOMEN CHATTERING)

Oh, my God! Now what?

(GASPS) Three pies?

Oh, this is a feast!

I don't know what's got into me

lately, but I have so much energy...

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

...which is probably the result

of all the sex I've been having.

(LAUGHS)

(BLOWING RASPBERRY)

I'm actually not kidding.

I'm having an affair.

With a married man.

(GASPS)

What?

JOANNE:
When did

this happen?

Where did you meet him?

(CHUCKLING) "Where did I..."

Well, it started in New York.

New York, last week?

JANE:
Mmm-hmm.

We did it once there

and once here.

Or maybe, maybe more

than once there.

I don't know.

I was drunk, so I'm...

You had drunken sex with

a married man in New York

when you went back

for Luke's graduation?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. Turns out,

I'm a bit of a slut.

(CHUCKLES)

Apple, blueberry or plum?

(LAUGHS) Wait, wait,

wait, wait. Hold on.

(GASPS) You're not saying...

(CHUCKLES)

What?

No! You're not!

(CHUCKLES) Oh, yes, I am.

I am having an affair with

Agness Adler's husband.

(ALL SCREAMING)

JOANNE:
Oh, God!

You're not.

That is genius.

Well, it's also

sort of wrong.

I know. I know.

Oh, please,

it's not that wrong.

(SOBS) But I'm... I'm so happy

to be able to tell somebody.

This is the most out-of-control

thing I've ever done in my life!

Literally! You know me.

BOTH:
Yes!

- Yes! We do.

You've never done

anything wrong

...or bad ever.

- No.

Ever!

DIANE:
So,

you're allowed this one.

Well...

I'm sorry.

I kind of love it!

And he was yours first.

True.

(CHUCKLING) Not that I

want him back, by the way.

- Of course not.

JANE:
Oh, man.

You can do better than Jake.

Thanks.

No. I mean,

you've outgrown him.

You've blossomed. You've

feng shuied your whole life.

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

Just please don't let him

talk you into saving him.

I won't.

DIANE:
Janey, there's

something perfect about this.

You don't have to cook for

him, or clean up after him.

You don't even actually

have to sleep with him.

I know. I have

an ex with benefits.

(ALL LAUGH)

But, girls, what about the fact

that I'm now the other woman?

I'm the one we hate!

Oh, forget about that. Agness

is still the one we hate,

even in this scenario.

Yeah, karma is the

ultimate b*tch in this one.

Let's hope so.

Okay, tell me everything! You're

not getting away with anything.

You tell me everything.

I want details. Details,

details. No, you earned this...

JANE:
Reynaldo!

Mmm?

I want to change

the breakfast menu.

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