It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #11

for me. Nia and I broke up. Anyway,

hope you’re feeling better. I’m out.

D78

Craig hits a button, and this girl, JENNA, takes over D78

the split screen. She’s in the tub with Nia.

JENNA:

Hey, Craig, I’m Jenna, one of Nia’s

friends, and like... okay, this is

really embarrassing, but I heard about

all this stuff you went through, and I

kind of go through that stuff too. We

met each other a couple times, but I

always thought you were just weird. I

didn’t realize you were, like,

depressed. Anyway, I just think we

should hang out, or whatever.

78

Craig hangs up, shakes his head in disbelief, as Bobby 78

approaches. He drapes the borrowed shirt over Craig’s head.

BOBBY:

Thanks.

Craig removes the shirt, but Bobby continues down the hall.

He’s licking an ice cream cone. Craig rushes up to his side.

As they walk, other patients trickle out of their rooms andmigrate with them towards the dining room.

CRAIG:

Sorry you didn’t get into the home.

BOBBY:

No sweat, babe. I actually don’t find

out for a few days... But I think I

screwed the pooch.

CRAIG:

That sucks.

BOBBY:

I’m over it...

CRAIG:

Really?

BOBBY:

Not really, but I’m zonked on Atavan

so...

CRAIG:

Where’d you get the ice cream?

BOBBY:

Mr. Softee truck across the street.

They pass by Smitty.

SMITTY:

Bobby-

Other migrating patients chime in.

BECCA:

I want ice cream.

JOHNNY:

Can I have a lick, Bob?

SMITTY:

Two points off, Bobby.

BOBBY:

It’s worth it.

Noelle steps up.

NOELLE:

What’s with these points, anyway?

CRAIG:

Yeah, I know, what’s with these points?

NOELLE:

Nobody could possibly be keeping trackof them...

SMITTY (O.S.)

That’s three points off for doubtingthe system.

Craig smiles, whispers to Noelle.

CRAIG:

Screw the system. You can have mypoints if you want.

Noelle smiles at Craig before floating ahead of them into thedining hall.

Humble steps up next to Bobby, hands him a crumpled dollarbill.

BOBBY:

What’s this?

HUMBLE:

Dollar. For the pizza party.

BOBBY:

Where’d you get this?

HUMBLE:

Don’t worry about it.

Humble drifts away. Bobby smells the buck.

INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Craig sits with Bobby. He looks at his battered fish sticks,

takes a tentative bite.

Across the room, the Professor collides with Solomon and boththeir trays spill to the floor. An argument ensues.

BOBBY:

(smiling)

Know why she’s here?

Craig shakes his head. Bobby leans in, conspiratorial.

BOBBY:

Used to be a radical academic up atColumbia, but after they passed thePatriot Act, she got crazy paranoid.

INT. PROFESSOR’S OFFICE - DAY

It looks like a tornado just blew through: papers on thefloor, desk disassembled, holes in the walls. The Professor

slouches on the floor, dismantling a telephone.

A CUSTODIAN peeks in as he passes by the office. He stops inhis tracks, concerned.

BACK TO THE DINING ROOM

Craig stares at Bobby in disbelief.

BOBBY:

Pretty loco, no? And Solomon? That

guy’s nuts too.

EXT. WILLIAMSBURG STREET - NIGHT

Solomon and a gang of other Hasids glide through the streetson roller-blades.

BOBBY (V.O.)

Solomon was part of this cult ofHasidic acid-heads in Williamsburg.

As he blades, Solomon sees buildings and cars meltingeverywhere. He lies down on his back, stares up at thestars. His BUDDIES approach on their blades, hover over him.

ACIDHEAD:

(in Yiddish with

subtitles)

I think Solomon did too much.

BACK TO THE DINING ROOM

Bobby finishes the story.

BOBBY:

Did 100 tabs of acid in one night.

Hasn’t been the same since.

CRAIG:

Wow.

BOBBY:

Crazy, right?

CRAIG:

Yeah... What about you?

Bobby turns back to his food, uncomfortable.

BOBBY:

What about me?

Craig backs off, shifts direction.

CRAIG:

Um... Your daughter. Veronica. When

do you see her again?

Bobby takes a bite. Chews and thinks.

BOBBY:

I don’t know. I think maybe she’sbetter off without me.

CRAIG:

C’mon, man...

BOBBY:

For real. I mean, I’m not exactly arole model in here. She’s better off.

Bobby nods, trying hard to convince himself.

CRAIG:

Okay, so I know it’s none of mybusiness and you can tell me to getlost if you want, but-

BOBBY:

Get lost.

Craig stares at Bobby for a tense beat, then looks down athis plate. Bobby shakes his head, frustrated with himself,

then...

BOBBY:

Sorry. Guess the Atavan wore off.

Bobby gets up with his tray, pats Craig on the shoulder as he

passes.

INT. REC ROOM - NIGHT

A visiting musician, NEIL (20s, goatee-sporting stoner),

plugs his bass into an electric amp, gets SHRIEKING feedback.

NEIL:

Sorry, gang.

Patients file in, scurrying to find their favoriteinstruments: a full drum set, keyboard, maracas, washboard,

claves, etc.

Johnny sets himself up on guitar, while Bobby commands thekeyboard. Becca grabs the maracas with Noelle on tambourine.

Everybody has something, except Craig.

NEIL:

Welcome back to musical exploration.

Who doesn’t have an instrument?

Noelle points to Craig.

NEIL:

No worries, bro. Let’s get you up hereon vocals.

CRAIG:

Oh, no, I can’t sing.

PROFESSOR:

Just like he can’t draw.

BOBBY:

C’mon... what’re you afraid of?

Bobby nudges Craig, and he reluctantly heads up to themicrophone, where Neil hands him a lyric sheet.

NEIL:

You know this one?

CRAIG:

(looking it over)

Um... I’ve heard it.

NEIL:

Good enough. Bobby and the ladies will

help you out.

CRAIG:

Ladies?

Neil SNAPS his fingers and right on cue, Nurse Monica leads 4other cute WEST INDIAN NURSES “on stage” to join Neil andCraig.

NEIL:

Okay, people, just like we practiced

last week, here we go...

Neil launches into the wicked bass-line from the classic

David Bowie & Freddy Mercury rock anthem “Under Pressure”.

Craig stares at the lyric sheet, not sure when to jump in.

BOBBY:

C’mon, cool Craig. Let’s rock, babe.

A84

Craig lowers his head, and at this moment the scene A84

shifts to PURE FANTASY, as the lights fade low and everybodyappears in outrageous glam-rock costumes.

The spotlight finds Craig. He’s a total rock star, dressedin a sparkling, skin-tight nylon jumpsuit with flaming bell-

bottoms.

CRAIG:

(as Freddy Mercury)

Mm ba ba de... Um bum ba de...

The fabulous nurses sway in unison behind him. A smoky mistfills the air.

CRAIG:

Pressure pushing down on me...

Pressing down on you no man ask for...

Under Pressure - that burns a buildingdown, Splits a family in two, Putspeople on streets... Um ba ba be...

De Day da... Ee day da...

Bobby, also glammed up with eye-shadow and spiky wig, fliesout of the darkness onto the stage. He grabs the mic inBowie mode.

BOBBY:

It’s the terror of knowing what thisworld is about... Watching some goodfriends scream...

CRAIG:

Let me out! Pray tomorrow - gets mehigher...

BOBBY:

Pressure on people, People on thestreets...

Jimmy chimes in from out of nowhere.

JIMMY:

Day day de... Da da da ba ba...

Noelle steps up, shares the mic with Craig.

NOELLE:

Chippin’ around - kick my brains aroundthe floor... These are the days itnever rains, but it pours...

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