It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #12

NOELLE/BOBBY

People on the streets...

CRAIG:

Ee da de da de...

NOELLE/BOBBY

People on the streets...

BOBBY:

It’s the terror of knowing what thisworld is about... Watching some goodfriends scream...

EVERYBODY:

Let me out!!

CRAIG:

Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high!

BOBBY/NOELLEPressure on people - People on thestreets.

The song quiets down, and the Nurses snap their fingers inunison, as...

BECCA:

Turned away from it all like a blindman... Sat on a fence but it don’t

work...

BOBBY:

Keep coming up with love, but it’s soslashed and torn...

CRAIG:

Why? Whyyyy? Whyyyyyyy?

Humble pounds on the drums, and music builds to a toweringcrescendo, climaxing, as...

CRAIG/NOELLECan’t we give ourselves one morechance? Why can’t we give love thatone more chance? Why can’t we givelove give love give love give love...

Johnny wails on the guitar like he’s been touring for years,

as sparks shoot out of a pyrotechnic device behind him.

EVERYBODY:

This is our last dance! This is our

last dance! This is ourselves...

JIMMY:

Under pressure...

And the music fades, leaving only the sound of the nursessnapping their fingers, until...

BACK TO REALITY:

Craig puts his mic back on the stand, looks out over theother patients. Everybody’s on their feet and sweatingbuckets.

After a brief silence, the room erupts in joyous applause, asthe patients and staff celebrate their awesome musicalpresentation, even if it didn’t exactly happen the way we sawit. Craig and Noelle hug.

NOELLE:

That rocked!

INT. NIA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Nia paints her toenails, on the phone with Craig.

NIA:

Ohmigod, you’re like a total rock star.

A86 We INTERCUT with Craig on the community phone. A86

CRAIG:

What do you mean?

NIA:

You’re all anybody talks about anymore.

Like the whole school is obsessed with

you. But you may want to considergetting a new look when you get out.

Like your cell phone is so Y2K.

CRAIG:

Oh yeah, it’s kinda-

NIA:

--Don’t worry, we’ll find you somethingcool, Craig.

CRAIG:

(smiling)

Cool Craig.

NIA:

What?

CRAIG:

Oh, somebody here calls me that. “Cool

Craig.”

NIA:

Is that somebody a girl?

CRAIG:

Oh, no.

NIA:

Well, are there any cute girls there?

Craig thinks about how to respond.

CRAIG:

Not really. Like a mental hospitalprobably isn’t the best spot to hook

up.

NIA:

Speak for yourself. I’m dying to seethis place. Can I come visit?

CRAIG:

Sure, you can visit... If you don’tmind the groupies hanging all over me.

INT. CRAIG’S THREE NORTH BEDROOM - NIGHT

Craig returns to his room, falls back onto his bed, exhales.

CRAIG:

You’ve really gotta get out of the roommore, Muqtada. There’s a whole world

out there.

Muqtada turns over, looks at Craig for a beat. Craig closeshis eyes and we FADE OUT.

TITLE OVER BLACK: “WEDNESDAY: DAY FOUR”

INT. CRAIG’S THREE NORTH BEDROOM - DAY

Craig wakes up to find a man in doctor’s scrubs and surgeon’smask, sitting on his bed. Craig snaps upright.

BOBBY:

(removing the mask)

Relax, babe. It’s me. Let’s go for awalk. Put this on.

He hands Craig another set of scrubs.

INT. EAST CORRIDOR - DAY

Bobby and Craig, disguised as doctors, stroll past thenurses’ station, then slip through a door marked “EmergencyExit.”

INT. ANOTHER CORRIDOR - MINUTES LATER

Bobby and Craig continue down the hall, passing other doctorsand patients in another wing of the hospital.

BOBBY:

Sometimes it’s good to get out of

there.

CRAIG:

If you know how to get out, why don'tyou just leave?

BOBBY:

Because it's crazier out there than it

is in here.

CRAIG:

I know what you mean.

Bobby smiles.

BOBBY:

You play basketball?

CRAIG:

Not really.

BOBBY:

Me neither.

INT. GYMNASIUM ENTRANCE

Craig follows Bobby through a doorway, where they are greetedby an old CUSTODIAN.

BOBBY:

Hey Charlie Boy.

Bobby drops several small white pills into Charlie’s hand.

Charlie nods.

CHARLIE:

Okay Bob. You got thirty minutes.

BOBBY:

Thanks.

INT. GYM BASKETBALL COURT - MINUTES LATER

Bobby and Craig shoot baskets in the hospital’s atrium gym.

They are both terrible, only rarely making shots.

BOBBY:

What’s up with you and Noelle?

CRAIG:

What do you mean?

BOBBY:

Don’t play dumb. The energy is like...

Bobby makes a series of strange explosion sounds. Craigsmiles.

BOBBY:

...like fireworks, baby. You should

ask her out.

CRAIG:

Ask her out?

BOBBY:

Yeah, you know. Out.

CRAIG:

I like her, but I think I’d be toonervous to ask her out.

BOBBY:

What’re you nervous about?

CRAIG:

Rejection.

BOBBY:

You can’t live in fear, babe. You’ll

end up like Muqtada. Or worse, like

me.

Craig stares at Bobby, sympathetic.

BOBBY:

This is the part where you say, “No,

Bobby, you’re life isn’t that bad.”

CRAIG:

Oh, sorry, I-

BOBBY:

Relax, babe.

CRAIG:

I just-

BOBBY:

Point is you can’t worry aboutrejection. C’mon, you can practice on

me.

CRAIG:

Practice what?

BOBBY:

Asking Noelle out.

CRAIG:

Oh, no, that’s okay.

BOBBY:

C’mon, I’ll be Noelle.

(as Noelle)

Hey, Craig. What’s up?

CRAIG:

Hi Noelle. Um... How’s it going?

BOBBY:

Good. I get out of here soon. Do youlike music, Craig?

CRAIG:

Yeah, sure.

BOBBY:

I like live music.

CRAIG:

Oh.

Pause.

BOBBY:

But I don’t like to go to concerts bymyself.

Pause.

CRAIG:

Oh. Okay. Well... maybe we could gotogether?

BOBBY:

You don’t seem so sure about it.

CRAIG:

No. I’m sure. Let’s go together.

We’ll go to a concert together.

BOBBY:

Great. Who are we going to see?

CRAIG:

Oh, um... U2.

Bobby shakes his head, disappointed.

CRAIG:

Vampire Weekend?

BOBBY:

(as himself again)

Jesus, man, no.

CRAIG:

What then?

BOBBY:

Don’t be one of those douchebags thattakes his date to some band she doesn’t

want to see. This is very important.

Are you listening?

Craig nods.

BOBBY:

You ask her what SHE likes...

CRAIG:

Right.

BOBBY:

But that was great! See! Easy, right?

Now you’re ready.

Craig shoots, scores.

BOBBY:

Good shot. It’s your lucky day, babe.

Bobby passes the ball back to Craig. He holds it.

CRAIG:

How’d you end up here?

BOBBY:

You don’t give up, do you? I’m here on

vacation.

CRAIG:

Seriously.

BOBBY:

I am serious. Some people go to theHamptons. I come here. People serveme food. I get to rest, sleep, evenget a little high sometimes.

CRAIG:

That’s not what I heard about you.

BOBBY:

What’d you hear?

CRAIG:

You thought aliens stole your

testicles.

BOBBY:

What? Who told you that?

CRAIG:

Relax, babe...

BOBBY:

(catching on)

Funny guy.

CRAIG:

Actually, I heard your accountant sayyou tried to kill yourself.

BOBBY:

This may come as a shock to you, CoolCraig, but that wasn’t my accountant.

CRAIG:

Gee, really?

BOBBY:

And I’ve tried to kill myself sixtimes.

The mood shifts. They stare at each other for a tense beat.

CRAIG:

I thought about doing that, butcouldn’t make it to the bridge; justcame straight here.

BOBBY:

What stopped you?

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