It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #14

CRAIG:

Wait...

But they both keep going. Craig slumps to the floor, backagainst the wall. After a beat, he grabs Noelle’s discardedsketch, unfolds it.

INSERT:
A beautifully detailed self-portrait of Noelle infront of a mirror, titled “Under Pressure”.

Hold on Craig, moved by the sketch.

INT. HALL- OUTSIDE NOELLE’S ROOM - MINUTES LATER

Craig KNOCKS. And KNOCKS.

CRAIG:

Noelle... Noelle, please... I love

your portrait. It’s amazing. I’m

sorry if I messed up. I wish you’dopen the door... You okay in there?

A piece of paper slides out from under the door. Craig picksit up.

INSERT:
a drawing of a penis-man with Craig’s name on it.

CRAIG:

Oh... this is pretty cool too... So,

our meeting tonight... Is it fair to

assume that’s not happening?

No answer.

INT. CRAIG’S THREE NORTH BEDROOM - MINUTES LATER

Muqtada greets Craig.

MUQTADASorry, Craig. Are you okay?

Craig hands Muqtada the penis drawing.

MUQTADAOh...

Craig falls back on his bed, totally dejected.

CRAIG:

You’ve had it figured out all along,

Muqtada... never get out of the bed.

TITLE OVER BLACK: “THURSDAY: DAY FIVE”

INT. CRAIG’S THREE NORTH BEDROOM - DAY

BOBBY (O.S.)

I got in.

Craig emerges from under the covers to find Bobby hoveringabove him.

CRAIG:

In what?

BOBBY:

In your mother.

CRAIG:

Oh...

BOBBY:

In the home. I have a home.

CRAIG:

But, I thought...

BOBBY:

I was wrong. It’s not the first time.

CRAIG:

(without emotion)

That’s great.

A beat, as Bobby looks Craig over.

BOBBY:

We missed you at breakfast, babe.

Smitty said your evaluation’s at six.

You ready?

CRAIG:

What do you think?

Craig rolls over, moans.

BOBBY:

Is this about the whole Nia/Noellefiasco?

CRAIG:

How do you know about that?

BOBBY:

Solomon. He has very sensitivehearing. And FYI, don’t ever listen toJohnny’s girl advice. No sophisticatedwoman would ever fall for that crap.

CRAIG:

It’s not just women. I can’t do

anything right... My life’s a mess.

BOBBY:

No, my life is a mess... Muqtada’s lifeis a mess. No offense, babe.

MUQTADA:

All good, papa.

BOBBY:

Ordinarily I wouldn’t be in hereplaying big brother Bob with you, but Ihappen to like you, Craig. You remind

me of myself your age.

(MORE)

BOBBY (cont'd)

I was much better looking, of course.

And I never had problems with women--

I was much better looking, of course.

And I never had problems with women--

MUQTADA:

Get back on track, man.

BOBBY:

The point is, you’re sixteen years old.

Someday you won’t be. And in twentyyears, if you’re celebrating yourdaughter’s eighth birthday in a placelike this, I swear to god Muqtada and Iare going to kick your ass... He notbusy bein’ born, is busy dyin’, babe...

Believe this.

Bobby heads for exit, but stops at the door.

BOBBY:

Oh, and by the way-- I came in here totell you I’m not gonna be homelesstomorrow. Just sayin’...

Craig stares at the door for a beat after Bobby leaves, stillprocessing it all.

MUQTADAThis Bobby, I think, is very wise man.

Craig looks at Muqtada as he rolls back towards the window,

pulling the blanket over his head. Hold.

FADE OUT.

INT. MEDICATION LINE - DAY

A nurse hands Craig his medication, and he downs it.

INT. THREE NORTH - EAST CORRIDOR

Craig mopes down the hall when he notices Bobby at theopposite end of the corridor, talking on the phone.

Bobby smiles big as he talks to his daughter.

BOBBY:

And it’s next door to the Y, so we cango swimming in the pool or maybe theygot table tennis. Yeah, sure, pingpong.

Same thing... Don’t worry, I’llteach you... So you’re mom’ll bring youon Saturday and we’ll cook a feast...

Absolutely--mint chocolate chip.

Anything for you, babe.

Craig looks on, touched by Bobby’s optimism.

INT. CRAIG’S THREE NORTH BEDROOM

A freshly showered Craig sits in bed, drawing on a largesheet of white paper. He looks at peace, totally immersed inhis artwork.

INT. NOELLE’S ROOM - DAY

The newest of Craig’s brain maps slides under the door: a

stunning image of two brain-cities connected by a bridge.

Noelle picks it up, reads the note on the other side: I WANT

TO EXPLAIN. NO EXCUSES. USUAL PLACE, 4PM. I’M AN IDIOT.

INT. BOBBY’S ROOM - DAY

Bobby stands in proud warrior position, when Craig pokes hishead in.

CRAIG:

Oh, sorry... What’re you doing?

BOBBY:

Yoga. What’re you doing?

CRAIG:

Apologizing for acting like a jerk

earlier. Congratulations on your home.

Thanks.

BOBBY:

CRAIG:

I’ve been thinking about what you said,

and, I think I’m ready to start beingborn...

Bobby stares at Craig.

CRAIG:

I mean, you know...

Bobby smiles.

INT. THREE NORTH - NORTH CORRIDOR - DAY

Craig paces, glances at the clock, which reads 4:15. He’s

about to give up, when he sees Noelle coming towards him.

She wears an “I HATE BOYS” t-shirt. Craig smilestentatively, but Noelle remains stone-faced.

CRAIG:

Thanks for coming.

No response.

CRAIG:

So, I just wanted to say, I’m reallysorry about yesterday. That girl yousaw me with... she was my best friend’sgirlfriend. I’ve been obsessed with

her forever-

NOELLE:

--And you’re in love with her?

CRAIG:

No.

NOELLE:

Of course not. But you think she’shot, so you told her what you thoughtshe’d wanta hear.

CRAIG:

Um, I don’t think--

NOELLE:

--and now you’re going to do the samething to me.

CRAIG:

No, I wasn’t.

NOELLE:

You weren’t?

Noelle stares at him, waiting for what’s next. Craig thinksit over.

After a confused beat, Noelle turns to go, but Craig grabsher arm.

CRAIG:

Okay, it’s true that I think you’rehot. And I do want to say the rightthing, but only because I really like

you. I like that you don’t hide yourproblems like everyone else. That youwear them right there on your face...

And I feel like I don’t have to hide

mine when I’m with you.

Noelle manages a subtle smile. Encouraged, Craig continues.

CRAIG:

I’ve been thinking a lot, and Irealized, you know, that, well... ifyou’re not busy being born, then you’rebusy dying... and I think we could bothbenefit from being born... again. Not

born again, but, you know?

NOELLE:

Gee, thanks for the wisdom, Bob.

CRAIG:

What? He told you that one too?

NOELLE:

Who?

CRAIG:

Bobby.

NOELLE:

Yeah, and about a billion other people.

It’s alright, Ma.

CRAIG:

What?

NOELLE:

Bob Dylan. It’s the song you justquoted.

CRAIG:

What? No.

NOELLE:

Yes.

CRAIG:

Oh.

Noelle laughs. Craig smiles too.

CRAIG:

Anyway, my point is... I wanta playdoctor with you.

She c*cks her head, intrigued. Craig SNAPS his fingers,

smiles.

NOELLE:

What are you doing?

He SNAPS again, looks down the hall.

CRAIG:

Where is he?

After a beat, a commotion erupts from the opposite end of thehall, as Bobby streaks naked through the corridor, howlinglike a mad man. The nurses leave their station to helpcontain him.

Noelle cracks up, as Craig ducks into the utility closet,

snatches a pair of scrubs. They run off, sneaking throughthe emergency exit.

Bobby notices Craig and Noelle escape, then stops running.

He smiles, as the nurses lead him away.

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