It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #15

INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - ANOTHER FLOOR

Craig and Noelle (disguised as doctors) emerge from thestairwell, blending into the crowd of doctors and patients.

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM

Craig and Noelle stroll past EMERGENCY PATIENTS. When theysee a SECURITY GUARD approaching from the opposite direction,

they quickly attend to the nearest patient, an old CHINESEMAN. Craig rubs his head.

CRAIG:

Does this hurt?

Noelle massages his feet.

NOELLE:

How about this?

The guard passes without suspicion, so Craig and Noelle takeoff, leaving the Chinese man very confused.

INT. ANOTHER CORRIDOR

Craig and Noelle jog down the hall, turn a corner to find...

...Dr. Minerva and her posse of interns coming towards them.

Craig and Noelle put on the brakes and scramble in the otherdirection.

INT. INNER STAIRWELL

They race up the stairs, find an exit door, and emerge outonto...

EXT. HOSPITAL ROOFTOP

...where the setting sun casts a fiery red glow on theBrooklyn rooftops. They take a beat to admire the Manhattanskyline and Brooklyn Bridge below.

NOELLE:

This is amazing.

Craig looks at Noelle, reaches out, and touches her face.

She doesn’t move.

NOELLE:

You’re not a cut fetishist, are you?

Craig removes his hand.

CRAIG:

What? No.

NOELLE:

Good. Those guys are so creepy.

Craig smiles and they look out in silence.

NOELLE:

How come you never asked me why?

CRAIG:

Why what?

NOELLE:

Why I did it.

CRAIG:

I guess I figured you’d tell me whenyou wanted me to know.

Noelle smiles, nods.

NOELLE:

Thanks.

After a beat, Craig summons his courage.

CRAIG:

Um... do you like music?

NOELLE:

Um, yeah. Do you like breathing?

CRAIG:

Oh, right. Dumb question.

Sensing his discomfort, Noelle lightens up.

NOELLE:

I like Radiohead, Pixies, T Rex... Whatelse...

Craig nods. They sit in awkward silence, until...

CRAIG:

Have you seen them live?

NOELLE:

I’ve seen Radiohead and the Pixies.

CRAIG:

Cool... So... Um...

NOELLE:

Vampire Weekend’s playing a show at theend of the month.

Noelle pauses, giving him another chance. Craig just nods.

NOELLE:

You wanta go?

Craig smiles, an enormous weight has been lifted.

CRAIG:

Yes! I would. With you?

NOELLE:

No, with Smitty. Yes with me.

They both continue to smile and look out over the sunset,

until Noelle leans over, kisses Craig on the cheek, and weFREEZE mid-kiss-

CRAIG (V.O.)

Sorry guys... This is about to getpretty sappy, so I’m just gonna giveyou the highlights.

As Craig speaks in VO, we see various postcard-like stillspresented as a slide-show presentation.

CRAIG (V.O.)

This is me sharing the realization thatI don’t actually want to be a CEO,

lawyer, or President.

CLICK to the next slide of Noelle, mid-cackle.

CRAIG (V.O.)

This is Noelle, laughing at the ideathat I once wanted to be President.

CLICK to Noelle giving the world the finger.

CRAIG (V.O.)

Here, Noelle suggests I “screw” theGates Summer application if it makes meso unhappy.

CLICK to next slide of Craig, smiling.

CRAIG (V.O.)

This is me liking that idea.

CLICK to Craig, no longer smiling.

CRAIG (V.O.)

This is me thinking about how to tellmy dad.

CLICK to Noelle, blushing.

CRAIG (V.O.)

This is after I tell Noelle how

wonderful and beautiful she is.

CLICK to Craig and Noelle kissing.

CRAIG (V.O.)

Oops. How’d that get in there?

CLICK to Noelle’s head on Craig’s shoulder, as they both lookout over the sunset. Postcard text appears on screen:

GREETINGS FROM ARGENON HOSPITAL.

INT. DR. MINERVA’S OFFICE

Back in normal attire, Craig sits across from Dr. Minerva.

DR. MINERVA

How are you feeling?

CRAIG:

I was having kind of a bad day. I

missed dinner and breakfast.

DR. MINERVA

Why?

CRAIG:

I think I was probably just feelingscared about leaving.

DR. MINERVA

What scares you about leaving?

CRAIG:

There are a lot more things to stressabout on the outside.

DR. MINERVA

Are you still having suicidal thoughts?

Craig shakes his head, no.

CRAIG:

It’s like... there are so many people,

not just in this hospital, but in thewhole world, ya know, who arestruggling so hard to live. And it

seems like, self-indulgent, for me notto appreciate what I have.

DR. MINERVA

Like what?

CRAIG:

Well, there’s my family, my home...

and my friends... This girl. You know

Noelle?

Dr. Minerva raises her eyebrows.

DR. MINERVA

Noelle? She’s the spunky one.

Craig blushes slightly. Did she just call his girlfriend“spunky”?

CRAIG:

Oh, and this...

Craig reaches into his pocket, unfolds one of his brain maps.

CRAIG:

I always thought art was just bourgeoisdecadence, but...

He hands the drawing to Dr. Minerva who looks it over.

DR. MINERVA

It’s really wonderful, Craig.

CRAIG:

Thanks. I did about twenty of them.

It’s something I really enjoy.

DR. MINERVA

What do you enjoy about it?

CRAIG:

It’s fun. And it takes my mind off thestuff that stresses me out.

DR. MINERVA

Is this something you plan to continuewhen you leave?

CRAIG:

Yeah, maybe, but my Dad might freak.

DR. MINERVA

Have you told him how you feel?

CRAIG:

Not yet.

DR. MINERVA

But you will.

Craig nods.

DR. MINERVA

When?

CRAIG:

I don’t know. As soon as I see him, I

guess.

DR. MINERVA

And if he freaks?

Craig thinks it over, smiles.

CRAIG:

Better him than me.

Dr. Minerva laughs.

DR. MINERVA

That’s going to be the challenge... Youready?

Craig nods.

CRAIG:

I think so. How am I doing? With the

evaluation.

DR. MINERVA

Oh. Well, Craig... We’ve only justbegun. The evaluation consists of

three parts. There’s still the

multiple choice section and a personalessay explaining why we should let you

go...

Craig stares at Dr. Minerva in shock.

DR. MINERVA

What? Doctors can’t make jokes too?

Craig exhales in relief.

DR. MINERVA

You can leave first thing in themorning...

CRAIG:

Thank you.

DR. MINERVA

You should stop by and say hi sometime.

You know, we have a volunteer programwith the local high schools. You could

help others who are going through thesame thing.

Craig thinks it over, smiles and nods.

INT. NURSES’ STATION - NIGHT

Craig approaches Smitty, carrying the doctors’ scrubs.

CRAIG:

Tonight’s my last night, Smitty.

SMITTY:

Congratulations. We’ll miss you, Craig.

CRAIG:

And Bobby’s too. You think we can have

a pizza party?

SMITTY:

Sure, if you can get the money.

CRAIG:

How many pizzas do you think we need?

SMITTY:

Well, we’ve got thirty patients andfive staff, but that’s includingMuqtada and the anorexics, so... sevenpies should do.

CRAIG:

(handing over the scrubs)

Cool. Oh, I found these down overthere somewhere.

Smitty examines the scrubs, watches Craig go.

INT. NORTH CORRIDOR COMMUNITY PHONE

Craig speaks into it.

CRAIG:

Yeah, seven large pies. All kinds...

Just tell them to send the delivery guyto the third floor, Three North.

Thanks, Dad. I’ll see you and momtomorrow.

Craig hangs up, looks down the hall, where...

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