It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #3

Bobby slides the latch back and forth, alternately revealingVACANT and OCCUPIED.

CRAIG:

I get it.

BOBBY:

Sure, babe, but nobody else does, sothey’ll walk right in while you’rescrubbin’ your nuts.

Craig cracks a smile, follows Bobby down the hall.

INT. NORTH CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS

Bobby and Craig emerge around the corner.

BOBBY:

There’s one in the other hall too, butI wouldn’t use it. It bothers Solomon.

CRAIG:

Who’s Solomon?

No answer. They approach a pay phone near a bench.

BOBBY:

This is where you call people-- if yougot people. Or they can call you too.

Bobby gestures to the TV room behind a glass window.

BOBBY:

TV room is here.

INT. TV ROOM

Craig notices a teenage girl (16), wearing an Iggy Pop t-

shirt, seated at a table in the corner. She is NOELLE. She

glances up from her notebook, revealing several scars fromcuts on her face. Craig stares at her for a beat too long.

NOELLE:

(alarmed)

Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Craig quickly checks himself, but can’t find anything wrong.

He looks back to Noelle, who shoots him a subtle grin andgets back to her notebook.

Bobby cracks up, leads Craig away.

INT. NORTH CORRIDOR

CRAIG:

Who was that?

BOBBY:

Noelle. One of the teens. Did theytell you about the renovations?

CRAIG:

Yeah.

BOBBY:

How old are you?

CRAIG:

Sixteen.

BOBBY:

Jesus, I thought you was older. You

look too stressed for sixteen, man.

You should try to relax, maybe get agirlfriend, or sump’m.

CRAIG:

I’m working on it.

Bobby shoots Craig a crooked smile.

CRAIG:

So what do you do here, exactly?

BOBBY:

Same thing you do.

CRAIG:

You’re a patient? What were you doingin the emergency room this morning?

BOBBY:

The ER has the best coffee.

CRAIG:

They just let you out?

Bobby smiles, puts his finger to his lips, makes a shushingsound.

CRAIG:

What are you in for?

Bobby hesitates, and Craig senses the inappropriateness ofthe question.

CRAIG:

Uh... Sorry.

Bobby stares at Craig, sizes him up.

BOBBY:

Bet your room’s ready. Let’s find

Smitty.

INT. THREE NORTH PATIENT’S ROOM - DAY

The light flicks on to reveal a man burrowed under bed coversin the corner.

SMITTY:

Muqtada, it’s almost lunch! Wake up,

you have a new roommate.

MUQTADA, a gray-bearded Egyptian man, doesn’t move.

CRAIG:

Hey.

No response.

SMITTY:

(quietly, to Craig)

Don’t take it personal. He doesn’t

talk much and he’s never left the

room... Okay, guys, lunch in five.

Smitty exits, and Craig sits at the edge of his bed.

CRAIG:

What do they have for lunch?

Muqtada grumbles something incomprehensible.

CRAIG:

I’m sorry?

Muqtada takes the blanket and puts it over his head. Craigsurveys the room. This isn’t quite what he had in mind whenhe asked for help.

After an uncomfortable beat, he goes to the door.

MUQTADA:

Please, turn out light.

Craig obliges, leaves the room.

INT. THREE NORTH - EAST CORRIDOR

Craig accosts Dr. Minerva, who is now doing rounds with astaff of INTERNS.

CRAIG:

Dr. Minerva. Look, I’m, uh...

(faking casual)

I’m feeling much better now. I was

feeling bad this morning, but I thinkI’m okay now. So, um, you know, I’dlike to go home. If that’s cool.

Dr. Minerva leafs through papers on her clipboard, findsCraig’s form.

DR. MINERVA

It says here you’re suicidal and askedto be admitted.

CRAIG:

I thought you guys would be able to dosomething quick. Like give me somemedication to make me feel better. I

didn’t think I’d be... committed. I

really don’t think I belong here.

DR. MINERVA

A lot of patients feel that way atfirst. Just give it a little time.

CRAIG:

How little?

DR. MINERVA

Five days.

CRAIG:

Five days?

DR. MINERVA

Definitely not more than thirty. We’ll

have an evaluation to see if you’reready to leave Thursday.

CRAIG:

But I can’t be here until Thursday!

I’ll miss school. My friends will findout where I am!

DR. MINERVA

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Craig.

Depression is a medical illness. If

you were diabetic would you beembarrassed by that?

CRAIG:

Well, can I at least talk to my momabout this before-

DR. MINERVA

Of course, Craig. I just spoke withher myself, and she’s very anxious to

see you.

Dr. Minerva nods and smiles to someone behind Craig, thendrifts away.

LYNN (O.S.)

Craig!

Craig turns to find his mom running at him followed by Georgeand Alyssa. She nearly tackles him with a hug, and we FREEZE-

CRAIG (V.O.)

Don’t blame my parents for how messedup I am. Okay, so my dad works toomuch...

ANGLE ON George, frozen in time, messaging on his Blackberry.

CRAIG (V.O.)

And my mom’s a little out of touch.

ANGLE ON Lynn, her face oddly contorted as she hugs Craig.

CRAIG (V.O.)

And my sister’s some kind of child

genius.

ANGLE ON Alyssa staring straight ahead without emotion.

CRAIG (V.O.)

But it’s not like I was never hugged asa child or anything. In fact, they’vebeen pretty supportive through allthis. They’re always on the lookoutfor new ways to fix me.

The following sequence presents the various ways they’vetried to fix him in the past. Craig maintains the samedeadpan expression throughout...

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM - DAY

A CHINESE ACUPUNCTURIST applies needles to Craig’s back,

while his mom looks on.

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM - ANOTHER DAY

Craig and his dad attempt to do sit-ups on some kind ofenormous rubber work-out balls. Craig falls off.

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM - ANOTHER DAY

Craig practices bikram yoga with his mom in 105 degree heat.

He’s drenched in sweat, but not quite feeling the vibe.

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM - ANOTHER DAY

On a ping-pong table that barely fits inside his smallbedroom, Craig serves to his dad, who slams the ball back athim. Craig doesn’t move.

BACK TO THREE NORTH

CRAIG AND HIS FAMILY IN PRESENT TIME. The still frame

resumes action.

LYNN:

We knew you were going through a hardtime, but we had no idea you were...

that it was... I’m so proud of you,

honey.

CRAIG:

You are?

LYNN:

This is the bravest thing you’ve everdone. You made the right decisioncoming here.

CRAIG:

Oh, really? Because I was kind of

having second thoughts...

LYNN:

We talked to the doctor and they needto keep you here for a few days. For

observation. I think it’s a good idea.

CRAIG:

But I don’t think you understand. Some

of the people here are seriously messed

up. Like I don’t think my roommate’sleft the room in weeks.

GEORGE:

What did you expect? It is a mental

ward.

LYNN:

George.

CRAIG:

It’s not a ward. It’s a hospital.

LYNN:

It’s just five days, honey.

CRAIG:

They told me AT LEAST five.

LYNN:

Well, we thought it was best to leaveit up to the doctor’s discretion. I

mean, we’ve tried, but... These peopleare professionals. They know how tohelp you in ways, well, that maybe wecan’t.

Craig watches Lynn as she takes a deep breath, trying hard tohold herself together.

LYNN:

It seems like a nice place. Right,

George?

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