It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #6

A51

FLASH ON a still frame of Aaron and Nia strolling A51

through the hall, smiling and holding hands as if in aMentos commercial.

CRAIG (V.O.)

Kissing...

B51

FLASH ON a still frame of Aaron and Nia smooching in the B51

school stairwell.

CRAIG (V.O.)

...and eventually... sex.

C51

FLASH ON a blank white screen. C51

CRAIG (V.O.)

I don’t like to picture that one.

51

BACK TO ORIGINAL FLIRT-PUNCH STILL. 51

CRAIG (V.O.)

What I would give to be flirt-punchedby Nia just once.

The frame resumes action. Aaron and Nia stare at each other

for an extended moment before Aaron goes in for the fullflirt-tackle.

CRAIG (V.O.)

And so it began...

CUT TO BLACK.

INT. DINING ROOM - DAY

Craig stares at his food, unsure. Next to him, Humble andJohnny eat as they flip through a motorcycle magazine.

JOHNNY:

Look at those flames! I always wanteda Harley with big red flames.

Humble points out the girl on the bike.

HUMBLE:

You can have the bike. I just want thebeavers.

JOHNNY:

Hey, Bobby, check out this bike.

BOBBY:

I don’t get caught up on a bunch ofstuff I can’t have.

JOHNNY:

Relax, it’s just for fun, bro.

AARON (O.S.)

Yeah, what’s your prob, Bob?

We PAN over to Craig’s friend, Aaron, seated next to Bobby.

Of course, he is only there in Craig’s imagination.

AARON:

It’s just for fun. Life is fun. And

easy. And you CAN have those things.

Women, Harleys, perfect test scores.

You just need the brains and the ballsto go get’m.

(taking a bite of

breakfast burrito)

Mmm, this is good.

We PAN back to Bobby.

BOBBY:

It’s not fun; it’s propaganda. Tellingme I need all that - nice clothes,

cars, hot chicks...

CRAIG (V.O.)

...iphones, Jordans, skinny jeans, zitcream, self esteem, abs of steel,

chicken soup for the soul...

BOBBY:

But I could give a sh*t about all that.

Humble notices Craig’s untouched tray.

HUMBLE:

You gonna eat your burrito, Craig?

CRAIG:

Naw. I’m not hungry. You can have it.

Humble reaches over, grabs the burrito.

BOBBY:

Put it back, Humble.

HUMBLE:

He said I could have it.

BOBBY:

Craig’s gotta eat too. Put it back.

HUMBLE:

Take a hike, Bob, he’s not hungry.

Bobby charges across the table, grabs the burrito, and putsit back on Craig’s tray.

Craig stares at the torn and knuckled burrito.

CRAIG:

Um, thanks, Bobby, but I’m really not-PROFESSOR

I’ll eat it!

Waddling in from a nearby table, the Professor quickly grabsthe burrito, puts it on her own tray.

HUMBLE:

Hey, I called it first.

Humble lunges for the burrito, but the Professor tries toshield it with her body.

JOHNNY:

Nice burrito block!

BOBBY:

It don’t belong to either of you!

CRAIG:

Really, guys, I don’t think...

Bobby intervenes, snatches the burrito, but not before the

Professor sneaks a quick bite.

Smitty approaches.

SMITTY:

People calm down.

Everyone quickly settles in their seats.

PROFESSOR:

(with mouthful of burrito)

I didn’t do nothin’.

HUMBLE:

It was my burrito.

Bobby hands what’s left of the mashed burrito to Craig.

CRAIG:

It’s really okay. I don’t need it.

Bobby stares at Craig for a beat.

BOBBY:

Fine...

Bobby drops the remains of the burrito on Humble’s tray.

BOBBY:

...what do I care? Don’t eat.

Bobby takes his own tray, walks off. Craig exchanges awkwardlooks with the others.

SMITTY:

You guys know we have like fifty

burritos in the kitchen...

INT. REC ROOM - DAY

The patients sit in a loose circle around Dr. Minerva. Craigobserves silently, sneaking occasional glances at Noelle,

seated on the opposite side of the circle.

DR. MINERVA

I understand there was an incident this

morning. Would anyone care to talkabout it? Something involving abreakfast burrito. Johnny?

JOHNNY:

It was between Bobby and Humble. Ask

them.

DR. MINERVA

I was just interested in hearing itfrom an impartial observer.

JOHNNY:

Well, if you want my opinion, I thinkBobby’s been on edge because of hisinterview and he’s lashing out becausehe’s nervous.

DR. MINERVA

Interesting observation, Johnny.

BOBBY:

Yeah, Johnny, you know my hemorrhoidsare flarin’ up again. Make sure

everyone knows about that, too.

JIMMY:

Hemorrhoids! It’ll come to ya!

Some laughter from the patients. Craig smiles, sneaks a peekat Noelle across the room. She’s not paying attention.

DR. MINERVA

Bobby, it’s okay if you want to keepyour feelings private, but you shouldknow it’s perfectly normal to benervous about your interview tomorrow.

BOBBY:

I’m not nervous about the interview.

HUMBLE:

Then what is it, Bob?

PROFESSOR:

Maybe he’s hungry.

HUMBLE:

He doesn’t look hungry.

BECCA:

He looks tired.

JOHNNY:

Did you sleep last night?

PROFESSOR:

He didn’t eat today.

HUMBLE:

Yes, he did.

PROFESSOR:

Did you see him eat?

HUMBLE:

I’m pretty sure he ate.

JOHNNY:

I didn’t see him eat.

BECCA:

I get anxious when I’m tired.

BOBBY:

Okay, listen!

Everybody turns to Bobby.

I’m not hungry. I’m not tired. It’s

this damn sweater. My interview istomorrow and it’s all I have to wear.

JOHNNY:

(low to Minerva)

I told you it was the interview.

HUMBLE:

It’s a nice sweater, Bob.

BOBBY:

No. It isn’t. It smells like an old

woman’s armpit in July.

JOHNNY:

But it looks good on you.

BOBBY:

Yeah, it looks about as good on me asyour hair on you.

DR. MINERVA

Bobby, no insults, please.

Suddenly self-conscious, Johnny runs his hand over his head.

CRAIG:

I can loan you a shirt.

Noelle and the group turn to Craig.

DR. MINERVA

What was that, Craig?

CRAIG:

I’ll call my mom, have her bring one ofmy dad’s shirts. It’s no problem. I

live like two blocks away.

BOBBY:

No thanks.

JOHNNY:

Bobby! Take the shirt.

HUMBLE:

Yeah, he’s tryin’ to help, Bob.

DR. MINERVA

It’s a very nice offer, Craig. Bobby,

why are you reluctant to accept it?

BOBBY:

Look, I don’t need any handouts.

DR. MINERVA

It’s not exactly a handout, Bobby.

He’d just be loaning it to you.

There’s nothing wrong with acceptinghelp from each other.

BOBBY:

Okay, fine, will you leave me alone ifI take the shirt?

DR. MINERVA

Do you want the shirt, Bobby?

BOBBY:

Yeah, I want the shirt.

DR. MINERVA

Craig?

CRAIG:

Do you mind if it has yellow armpitstains?

Bobby stares at Craig.

CRAIG:

Sorry, dumb joke.

Noelle SNORTS out a laugh.

INT. THREE NORTH - NORTH CORRIDOR - LATER THAT DAY

Craig waits for the community phone, which Bobby is using.

BOBBY:

(flustered)

Okay, but look, look, look. I want to

see her. Yes, I’m her father, don’tyou think I have... No? I have a

place... I will have a place...

Thursday... You don’t have to believeme, but it’s true... It is true. I’m

not-- Look, just bring her. Please. I

don’t ask you for anything. I justwant to see my kid...

After watching Bobby for a beat, Craig feels something brushby him, turns to see Noelle disappear around the corner. He

looks down to find a folded piece of paper at his feet.

INSERT OF NOTE:
THAT WAS NICE OF YOU EARLIER. MEET ME

TONIGHT 7:
00 PM. BENCH OUTSIDE REC ROOM.

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