It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #7

Craig glances up from the note. Bobby is now gone and thephone is free.

A54

Craig enters his number into the voice mail system, A54

wherein we SPLIT-SCREEN with Nia. She’s on her cell IN THE

BATHTUB.

NIA:

Hey, Craig, it’s me, um...

The image FREEZES-

CRAIG (V.O.)

Here’s the thing... she’s probably notin the tub right now, but whenever Italk to Nia, this is how I picture her.

It’s kinda sick, I know.

The image resumes action.

NIA:

You sounded kinda weird earlier, so Ijust wanted to make sure you were doingall right. Okay, that’s it. I’m with

Aaron. He’s being a total dick. Bye.

B54

Craig hits another button, wherein Craig’s science B54

teacher, MR. REYNOLDS replaces Nia. Wearing protective eye-

goggles, he fills a smoking beaker with blue liquid.

MR. REYNOLDS

Hello, Mr. Gilner, this is your scienceteacher, Mr. Reynolds. We really needto talk about your missing labassignments. Five of them.

C54

Craig hits the button again, wherein Aaron replaces C54

Mr. Reynolds. He’s in the bathtub with Nia.

AARON:

Yo Craig, I’m staying at Nia’s tonight.

I need you to cover for me if my dadcalls. Holla back, son!

Craig hangs up, notices an old, academic-type lady waitingfor the phone nearby. She is “THE PROFESSOR.” He quicklydials...

CRAIG:

Hey, Nia. What's up?

D54

We INTERCUT between Craig and Nia in her bedroom. D54

NIA:

Just finishing my Gates Summer app.

I'll freak if I don't get in.

CRAIG:

Yeah...

NIA:

What's up with you?

CRAIG:

Uh, I’ve just been feeling kinda, youknow...

NIA:

Yeah, I’ve noticed... Is that why youweren’t in school today?

CRAIG:

Yeah... Like I’ve been feeling prettyshitty, so... I stayed home.

NIA:

I get like that sometimes, too.

Depressed or whatever. Do you takeanything for it?

CRAIG:

What do you mean?

NIA:

You know...

CRAIG:

Um...

NIA:

Look, I’ve never told anybody this.

Not even Aaron. So you have to promisenot to tell him. But if it makes youfeel any better... I’m on Prozac.

CRAIG:

Really?

NIA:

Yeah, for like over a year now.

CRAIG:

I had no idea.

NIA:

I know. It’s a little embarrassing.

CRAIG:

(summoning his courage)

I take Zoloft.

NIA:

Shut up!

CRAIG:

I do.

NIA:

We are so screwed up!

CRAIG:

Like partners in mental illness.

NIA:

The illest.

As they both laugh, a Hasidic Jewish guy, SOLOMON, dashesdown the hall toward Craig. His hospital pants are way toobig for him, so he has to hold them up at all times.

SOLOMON:

I’m Solomon.

Craig cups the receiver, tries to quietly shush Solomon.

SOLOMON:

I would ask you to please keep it down.

I am trying to rest.

Solomon races away, struggling to hold up his pants.

NIA:

Craig? Who was that?

CRAIG:

Um...

The Professor approaches, taps Craig’s shoulder with her cane.

PROFESSOR:

Excuse me, will you be much longer?

CRAIG:

(whispering)

One second, please.

NIA:

Is everything okay?

CRAIG:

Yeah, I’m just...

NIA:

Are you like in a crack den or

something?

Jimmy strolls by, repeating...

JIMMY:

It’ll come to ya! Don’t worry, italways come to ya!

NIA:

Where are you?

CRAIG:

I gotta go, Nia. Bye.

NIA:

Craig?

Craig hangs up, turns to the Professor.

CRAIG:

All yours.

He exits frame and the Professor eyes him suspiciously beforepicking up the receiver and examining it.

INT. THREE NORTH - WAITING AREA - DAY

Craig approaches little Alyssa and Lynn, who is holding hisdad’s shirt. They hug.

CRAIG:

Thanks, mom.

LYNN:

Your dad’s at the office dealing with aclient crisis, but he’ll be bytomorrow.

CRAIG:

Client crisis?

ALYSSA:

Have you made any friends yet?

CRAIG:

Um, yeah, I guess.

ALYSSA:

(looking past Craig)

Are you friends with the tranny?

CRAIG:

Not really.

LYNN:

Tranny?

Lynn c*cks her head to see Jennifer checking out at theregistration desk down the hall. She’s wearing a coat andcarrying a small suitcase.

Jimmy, lingering nearby, calls out at full volume.

JIMMY:

Transvestite!

Jennifer turns in their direction, yells down the hall.

JENNIFER:

Schizo!

Alyssa and Lynn stare ahead, uncomfortable.

CRAIG:

Did you talk to my school? I reallydon’t want them to know I’m in a placelike this. It could really damage myfuture.

LYNN:

We just told them you were in the

hospital. Nothing specific.

CRAIG:

Good. The last thing I need is forpeople to find out I’ve beeninstitutionalized. I’m talkingcataclysmic disaster the proportions ofwhich have no limits.

LYNN:

Okay, Craig. Got it.

INT. BOBBY’S ROOM

Craig leans into the room, looks around. Nobody there. He

carefully lays out the shirt on Bobby’s bed, notices a photoof a young girl at his bedside. As he examines it closer...

BOBBY (O.S.)

Hey, what’s goin’ on, babe?

Bobby walks in from the hallway.

CRAIG:

Oh, sorry. I was just bringing you theshirt.

BOBBY:

(re:
the photo)

She’s cute, right?

CRAIG:

Yeah. Is she yours?

BOBBY:

(nods)

Veronica. Like the Elvis Costello

song.

Craig stares at Bobby, clearly not aware of the song.

CRAIG:

How old is she?

BOBBY:

Eight and three-quarters. That’s what

she says.

Craig smiles.

CRAIG:

Well, good luck on your interview.

What’s it for, if you don’t mind measking?

BOBBY:

It’s for a group home. I basicallyneed a place to live when they kick meoutta here on Thursday.

CRAIG:

Kick you out?

BOBBY:

Insurance only covers a certain numberof days here, so come Thursday, I’m

gone. Whether I got a place to sleepor not.

CRAIG:

Wow. I guess you’re under a lot ofpressure, then.

BOBBY:

I mean, it’s not like a summer schoolapplication, but yeah, I guess...

Craig smiles.

CRAIG:

Let me know if you need somebody topractice with, or something.

BOBBY:

What do you mean?

CRAIG:

Like a practice interview. So you’rebetter prepared.

BOBBY:

Yeah?

CRAIG:

Yeah. Wanta try?

BOBBY:

Yeah, okay. Now?

CRAIG:

Yeah, sure.

(as interviewer)

Okay, um, have a seat.

BOBBY:

Wait, hold on.

Bobby grabs the new shirt, turns his back to Craig, andbuttons it up. He spins around, ready to go.

BOBBY:

Okay, let’s do it.

They sit on opposite beds, facing each other.

CRAIG:

Okay, let’s see... Why do you thinkyou’re qualified to live in this grouphome?

BOBBY:

Well... I guess because I’ll behomeless if you don’t accept me.

Craig stares at Bobby, not sure where to go from here.

CRAIG:

Okay, good. I think you’re ready.

BOBBY:

Really? I didn’t sound too desperate?

CRAIG:

No, it was very sincere... But maybeyou could try to focus on the positivethings you would get from theexperience rather than, you know...

BOBBY:

The negative.

CRAIG:

Exactly. Like what do you think youcan bring to the home? Somethingspecial only you can offer.

Bobby thinks hard.

CRAIG:

It can be anything. Maybe you have agreat attitude?

BOBBY:

(shakes his head)

No.

CRAIG:

You always clean up after yourself?

BOBBY:

Not really.

CRAIG:

You know what? I think maybe sometimesin these situations it’s okay to bendthe truth a little.

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